[Closed] We look so good on paper

[grandspark]

Who: Reno and Rude
When: Sometime in August Aguril
Where: Dorchacht and surrounding area
What: A quest for the holy grail Lady of the Lake! Grabbing some pearls, figuring out bonding potion effects, and at least one embarrassing moment of awkward conversation.
Warnings: Uh, just Turks being Turks (so violence and swearing). Will update as needed.

The lake was eerily quiet as the two Turks approached the clear waters. They had done their homework well enough to know that previous adventurers had no luck in trying to get rid of the bothersome lady of the lake no matter what they tried so the mission wasn't about that. They simply needed to either go undetected to get some of the precious pearls or distract the lady long enough for the other to procure a few. That was the vague plan anyway.

Rude stopped a few dozen yards away from the lake's edge to survey the land. It was harder to sneak past an invisible foe than a normal one. Ghosts were definitely not one of Rude's favorite monsters to contend with but he thought they could easily have this mission in the bag if they just went at it together. As they always did so he felt relatively confident going in.

His one fear was the bonding potion they had finally downed to go out safely into the Wilde now that they were alone. Neither one had confessed to feeling any different when they first drank it together and Rude still didn't really sense anything strange or unusual in him so far but he couldn't necessarily say the same for Reno. How would he know? Would he know? Was this how it was supposed to work or had they managed to buy duds from that semi-cheap seller? He half wished they had experimented under better circumstances but then where would the thrill have been in that.

He glanced over at Reno and caught his attention. He tilted his head towards the lake to indicate it and waited for his partner's subtle cue for when to step forward together. Time to get this party started.

Comments

quick, reboot! reboot!

[grandspark]

Rude stared numbly at their hands together as Reno tried his best to warm him up. He hadn't managed to get his gloves off before they'd gotten into the water--a poor oversight he realized belatedly as he should have taken them off at the same time he kicked his shoes off--and because he never got to reach for a pearl and remove them then, they'd gotten wet with all the stormy attacks. He tried to help Reno take them off but in the end it was easier to just stop moving and let Reno take care of it. He watched Reno stuff them into his pockets along with his own so that he could return to rubbing Rude's hands to warm them. While he stood there and let Reno take care of him, Rude's mind caught up to what had happened.

He had said some things, admitted to things he never thought he would, and then the attacks had stopped suddenly. His emotions had mixed strangely with another's--with Reno's flood of reactions, he realized. The bonding potion had worked and he had finally figured it out after it all went down. He could still feel Reno reeling over everything that had been said and a small clamp on those emotions that attempted to keep them away from Rude. He didn't blame the redhead for that. This whole job had turned out to be way more embarrassing and awkward than advertised.

But everything had happened so fast Rude barely got to register half the emotions that had flooded the link between them. What had Reno gotten from him? What all had he gotten from Reno? Was it really all genuine or did the potion exaggerate things? Did his own mind take things out of context? Because there was one emotion that Rude couldn't shake from his mind at the moment. It was confusing because he didn't think he'd felt it right, registered it as the right emotion. Had he really felt a quick ping of jealously from his partner when he'd mentioned Tifa earlier? The sympathy he felt for certain. Rude realized that Reno had figured it out before him: that Rude had fallen for another girl mixed with the wrong crowd. What did that say about him?

He huffed out an unamused sound at the thought as he continued to watch Reno rub life into his hands. They were beginning to warm up from the friction and he could feel the warmth slowly flow out to the rest of him. He was colder than he realized. His mind dulled from it. The only thing that had kept him going was protecting Reno.

Duly noted then: don't mess with the cold and wind of a ghost. He couldn't handle that sort of thing anymore. It angered him, these new weaknesses. It flared up inside of him briefly as he thought of it but that sudden rage startled him right back out of it.

He swallowed thickly and tried to curl his fingers, work the feeling back into them, and when he had managed to make a fist and uncurl it a few times he carefully pried his hands away from Reno. He didn't want to hurt Reno's feelings, he was grateful, but he was beginning to feel uncomfortable holding hands like this. An indescribable feeling of wanting more had crept up on him as they touched and with his emotions as high strung as they currently were he didn't realize that all it really was was the bond wanting to form deeper. A small lick of what a true Bond would have given him, a comfort derived from strengthening the bond through physical touch, nothing necessarily more. He couldn't perceive that innocence right now though, thought the worse of it considering what he had just admitted--not just to the ghost it turned out but to himself. It frightened him, concerned him that he could so easily ruin what they had by turning it into something perverse.

"I'm fine," he said gruffly, attempting to return to some resemblance of normal. "I'm fine. It's not that bad." Lying through his teeth. Could Reno feel that? He hoped not. He tried to shut down his own emotions. "...thanks, but I'm fine. Let's just get the hell out of here."

reboot successful...

[electrod]

How different it could go, if not for the Bond, huh? A feigned surprise that this the answer the ghost bought— of course, she would, scorned lover, remember? They just figured her right, played their cards right. Look at Rude, that's a quality quick-thinking and wit that won them the valuable loot.

Yeah, that would be easier. On the surface at least. Because Reno knew he'd analyze it for the next three months to a year, trying to figure who was truly fed a lie.

"Fine, my ass" he spats, feeling the anger simmering under the confusion, hope, uncertainty, fear, excitement, and all different emotions he couldn't name right now. And anger is easy. When you're the type to feel everything intensely, clinging to anger can be a damn, good fuel propelling forward. Besides, other emotions are complicated. And he still hasn't gotten past having the crap scared out of him, by the attack and also a mix of wanting to run the fuck away from here, or telling Rude to never ever leave him (and then probably running away anyway because if someone deserves better, that's surely Rude)

Anyway, the training works. As Rude pulls away he grabs him by his wrist, and does one last check-up, as if he wasn't satisfied, wasn't really sure if his hands are working, and then let's go. The sudden need to say something, needy and embarrassing wells in again, and for a second he almost breaks— but that moment passes and he collects himself

"—stone cold. You're spending the rest of the day sitting at the fireplace, got it? No leaving the inn, you have recover— I'll pawn the pearl. You need anything, you tell me and I get it for ya"

...once he finds clothes that are not bloody rags, that's it. The scratches are less of concern, and he buttons up as if to cover that up. Rude did all he could to protect him, he has to stand up now and do the same, ensuring that his partner doesn't suffer side-effects or sickness from this mission. Time to fill in shoes of the competent leader that's not here.

It almost works, because a soft threat that sounds silly even to his ears escapes him.

"I'll bind you with blankets if I have to."

[grandspark]

It took all Rude had not to yank his hand away from Reno as the redhead grabbed his wrist. That wasn't something he wanted Reno wondering about though so he kept absolutely still instead, only doing what Reno insisted with the final inspection, before relaxing as he was finally released. There was the quickest ping of disappointment at that moment of time but it was quickly squashed by Rude.

He turned to leave, walking away from Reno and the lake. He didn't make it that far before a small chuckle escaped his throat and he glanced back at his partner.

"...I believe you."

He ducked his head and turned back forward, ready to leave but he waited for Reno this time.

"I just want out of these wet clothes. Let's go."

[electrod]

And they went. In the poor state, they were in. Reno turned to be entirely truthful in his word, when they reached the inn, changed into dry clothes, he chatted his way into getting additional furs for a big fireplace in the common room.

It wasn't a high-end kind of place that they would get if Shinra was paying the bills. Nor it was a seedy spot that Reno found himself occasionally in. No, it was a very cozy inn, serving only Monsters. With Dorchacht's tumultuous history such an establishment thrived and offered both good prices and good accommodations. Reno knew Rude would prefer to stay in their private room, but he wanted him to at least spend a short time wrapped up in warmth, near the fireplace. It was an immediate goal that he could focus on.

He didn't bind his partner, fortunately. And then off he went, to get the business going.

To stay away from the confusing and awkward situation.

There was a strange buzzing, almost like anxious feeling, and he couldn't tell whether it was coming from him or from the temporary Bond they shared. It went higher and higher when Reno returned to the inn, but he was aware it could have been on his own— because of closeness to the perceived confrontation or because of closeness to Rude. Because he can still feel his partner. Figures, they probably need to sleep on this whole potion to get rid of it.

——Rude wasn't in the common room, anyway. Figures. He surely must have returned to their own quarters when he was warmed up enough. That made his own job both easier and harder.

"Got ya a dinner—" he announces as he enters the room. There is a packaged food, still warm, in his hands. Various vegetables grilled and dipped in a sweet-sour sauce, from a stand around. Quite good, but then Reno always had a simple palate. He enjoyed the street foods a lot. Even having favorite trucks down in the slums.

Old habits, uh, die hard.

It's slowly getting dark at this point. Not enough to call it a night outside, but enough to give him a hard time when he's inside a building.

"We need to talk"

He made his choice.

[grandspark]

The fireplace felt good and despite Rude's apparent grumpiness at being stuck out in the common room and wrapped in furs, he enjoyed the warmth. And maybe the attention while it lasted. He ignored that and made a show of being annoyed that Reno was treating him like a rookie that needed coddling after their first big mission.

Once the redhead disappeared to take care of business on his own, Rude relaxed into the thick furs and soaked up the heat from the fire. He watched it flicker and listened to its soothing sizzling and popping as the light from it reflected neatly off his sunglasses he refused to take off.

It was several minutes later before Rude had enough. He was pleasantly warm and he didn't want to get to the point where he was dozing in the public area--and he knew he would, he never had problems sleeping anywhere they ended up, no matter what kind of place it was or how loud or uncomfortable. But he would rather get back to the room and settle in there for the night, and in particular if he could get asleep before Reno got back he'd have a higher chance of being ignored for the night. Higher, not absolute, Reno wasn't above waking him when he wanted. But Rude figured it was worth an attempt anyway.

He didn't quite make it. He'd lingered next to the fireplace too long. He was no longer wrapped in furs but they had made it on top of his bed for the night instead and he looked just about ready to hunker down under them for the night when Reno got back.

The mention of food seemed to remind Rude's stomach that he hadn't eaten since the morning and he sniffed silently at the aroma coming from the prize in Reno's hand. He reached out for it and began to take it from his partner when there was a blip in his movements. He played it off as nothing and went back to his actions as normal. He sat on the blanketed bed and started to unwrap the meal, acting as if nothing was amiss.

"About what?" he asked as he stared pointedly at his meal instead of Reno.

[electrod]

Great. He caught Rude getting ready to sleep, shirt undone and all that jazz– Reno's not a man of self-control so he can't help but notice. The stay feathers and other signs of transformation setting in, are not what catches his attention though.

Focus

At the end of the day, if they both get confused it means they're both screwed. Not in a fun way. So he got to play it cool. The usual Reno way. And pray for whatever there is, that Rude won't realize how high-strung he is thanks to the whole "bonding" thing.

"I might have heard something about me being your type and the like..." That's the perfect way to start it, no?

[grandspark]

It was a good thing he hadn't quite taken a bite of food yet or else he would have choked on it. Reno's blunt topic opener was not quite what he was expecting though he should have known. He knew what Reno wanted to talk about despite his casual indifference to the whole situation at the moment. But that was a bit more abrupt than he would have guessed was coming.

He swallowed thickly without ever taking a bite of food and instead lowered the meal down to his lap, holding it there idly as he looked up at Reno. His sunglasses were off, resting nearby for the night, and so he had to make an effort to keep them hard and emotionless while he stared directly at Reno. This was not a moment he wanted to have so closely after all the action back at the lake. He would have preferred time to think about it, time to sleep on it, and time to let the bonding potion wear off naturally. Being this close, in this tiny room together, made it harder for him to clamp down on his emotions and leave Reno out of them.

The flicker of surprise and dread he knew Reno felt before he could tamp down on them, long since past the second Reno had made his comment. The awkward embarrassment might have also slipped in for a second as he realized the way Reno brought it up was so cleverly disguised as their usual banter but even that effort couldn't belie the fact that this was a serious discussion between them. He clamped down on that emotional reaction, too. He didn't need the confusion and panic that came after that to slip past his defenses and hit Reno next. Confusion because he was just figuring out his own realization, panic because he didn't know how Reno was truly reacting underneath, didn't trust the bond enough to rely on it to tell him what Reno was feeling underneath the casual demeanor. And the underlying emotion that he couldn't keep from welling up in his chest now that he'd identified it for what it was: his attachment to Reno, his unconditional love for his partner.

His eyes bored into Reno's own as if searching for something within them. Finally, he blinked, slow and deliberately, almost as if a silent sigh of resignation. "...is that what you heard? Or is that what you want it to mean?"

There was no bite to the two-point inquiry. Only genuine curiosity, a need for an answer to those questions before he gave one of his own.

[electrod]

Thinking two or four steps ahead, that was a skill necessary for their job. Usually, Reno would rather leave it to Tseng (or Veld, that feels like so long time ago), but if in right circumstances he was capable of that too. The blind spot came in not seeing enough possible variations of those steps ahead— or not utilizing this kind of thinking at all. Here comes the latter.

Because he dives in, face forward, entirely on gut feeling. Maybe, with a bit of element on surprise, given the carefully chosen moment, he brought it up. So while Rude's answer throws him off— there's a moment of doubt, of consideration if this is the right step. Clamped with the determination of "if you say an A you have to follow it up with B and C".

So he closes the distance between them, the bed dipping under his weight as he joins Rude almost too close for the comfort of either of them.

"You gave me an opening, and I went for it." That's not an answer to Rude's question, but he feels justified in that Rude didn't take his original bait, not fully at least. And he's very much aware he can either go through the motions, try to mimic the fiction and how it should go (and probably fail, because— isn't that way fiction is... well fiction?) or try to be as honest as he can. A revolutionary concept. Despite his projected casual confidence, he radiates something of the exact opposite over the Bond. "Can't sweep that one under the rug, partner."

A pause as they stare at each other, he realizes. The amber hues of Rude's eyes are even more noticeable than usual. No wonder he hides them under the sunglasses, someone could get captivated.

Well, shit. The whole revelation is getting to him. How can he deal with it without fucking this up? There never was training for that.

[grandspark]

It was too close. It was too much for Rude with the bond still thrumming between them. He didn't know how he managed to sit so still as Reno sat down next to him on the bed, making the closeness between them even worse than the already small room itself.

In fact, Rude took a moment to lean away, set the food down out of the way, the movement giving him a moment to breath and force relaxation throughout his form. And a moment to think about what Reno was saying. Diving into was more like it. Rude recognized it after he thought about it for a moment. Wasn't that just like his partner? To dive in head first and damn the consequences. Reno was far luckier at that sort of thing than Rude.

He turned back to Reno and met the redhead's gaze. Those bright eyes were easy to swim in but Rude tried to focus before he lost his train of thought and control over his feelings. Reno was still playing it light and loose, talking casually and easily as if this wasn't a big deal. Rude couldn't comprehend the feeling of uncertainty filtering through the bond--it felt too much like his own concern rather than anything that Reno could possibly exude. Reno was too perfect for such weakness, too confident to make a big deal out of nothing.

Maybe it really wasn't a big deal. Maybe he was taking it too seriously. Maybe he was the only one that worried about such trivial things. It didn't matter what they felt so long as they worked well together. That's how they always got through things, wasn't it. Like air and fire, lightning and earth, what one lacked the other made up for. If Rude worried too much then Reno simply had to bring him back down to the ground with his carefree attitude.

Rude's expression lightened. Whether Reno did it on purpose or not, he always knew how to get under Rude's defenses. And at some point in time that had become less an irritation and somehow a very fond aspect of his smaller partner. He was the only person Rude let get close enough to press his buttons and, more importantly, get away with it. He should have realized how fond he'd grown of the redhead a much longer time ago.

"I know," he responded. "I'm not trying--" But hadn't he? Hadn't he tried to ignore it, to sweep it under the rug and not talk about it by going to sleep and hoping Reno would leave it alone after the bond wore off? And wasn't that a stupid idea, to let it fester between them for so long it became an infection inside.

He took a breath and let it out slowly. He was leaning forward by now, arms resting on his legs. He let his gaze slip from Reno's and stare at the floor instead. Somehow that made it easier to just think and then talk. "I didn't mean to." It's not what he wanted to do. No matter how this ended, he would speak the truth to Reno here and now.

"I meant what I said. You're the person I want to protect most, and you're the person I fear losing the most. Your opinions, your thoughts... your friendship means the most to me. Of anyone in my life I value you the most."

He turned his gaze back to Reno. "I do love you, Reno. I think I have for a while now, I just didn't realize what I already had in front of me. It doesn't matter what happens from here, I just want you to know that I won't let you down in the future. Whatever happens."

He smiled then, and it may have been vaguely wry, just as his tone as he next said. "So, is that what you wanted to hear or did you just want to tease me some more?"

[electrod]

The truth was—

—the only thing that was stopping Reno from yeeting himself through the window and bolting was that it was Rude, his partner, that was concerned here. With literally, anyone else? It gets to the confession level? It gets to the L-word? Reno's out of there. No strings attached was his motto, his living style. Because when he did get attached, it was through ropes and chains, ride or die. When Rude said the Turks were his found family that... that wasn't something that Reno would disagree with. Unlikely he would use the exact words, but when it was put like that, he couldn't help but agree with it. While he didn't care that much about Shinra (especially after what happened in the last few months), he cared a lot, A LOT about the Turks— Might make no sense, given how intricately woven into Shinra's hierarchy the Turks were, but what it means was that Reno would always prioritize individual Turks, over the general company interest when he was able to get away with it. Yet even among the Turks themselves, there were tiers.

A few months ago, when there was the chance to cut the losses and leave, he stayed. Now he's pretty much certain it's because Tseng and Rude decided to. Sure there can be a cool tale about how they have to be responsible ones, and someone has to manage the cover-up for it to be believable, 'guys you can count on us'. But if back then Rude decided to leave instead, he's pretty sure he'd follow.

That's why he doesn't run away, even if every instinct tells him to. The cornered rat in him, loses against that part that doesn't want to lose, or even just hurt, Rude. Despite it being a few months already, he still remembers the night on the pillar. The despair and unfiltered hate he felt— in those few seconds when he thought his partner perished? In those seconds he wouldn't mind setting entire city aflame. So how could he just leave and escape to safety, somewhere away from all the feelings?

...right, he actually could do that. And he could say something cold, and mean, that would put an end to this— leave them aching, and hurt, but they could somehow recover and return to what it always was, right? ...right?

Fuck no, there is no undo button here. And he asked the question anyway, he was the one who stupidly pressed on, instead of leaving the issue. Truly, if the Bond is showing something consistently, is that he's a major mess right now. Anxieties, frustration, fears, and above all uncertainty flaring right now, along with the care and fondness, and against all odds, hope

He desperately looks at his pockets, gestures as if he was lighting up a cigarette that— doesn't exist, because he dropped that habit. Besides local cigs taste like crap anyway, but he sure wanted one right now.

"I don't know," he admits finally, deflated, defeated, and disarmed by his own impulsive nature shattered against the genuine care and honesty that Rude displayed. Flustered furiously by Rude's words, many of his walls brought down with this moment. Curiosity killed the cat. Or rather a rat, shit, maybe that ghost wasn't wrong. "I guessed we— we were going to beat around the bush for another decade or so"

He's no longer projecting an image, and the 'we' slip without thinking.

"Like in that TV show— ya know which one, it was a big hit a few years ago—" few of the old guards in the Turks wouldn't shut up about it and Reno ended checking it out, Emma threatened them for low flying spoilers, ah good times. A dumb procedural show, but how entertaining "The show must go on! You can't let the protagonists hook-up when there are still three seasons left."

Man, now he's rambling. Again. Hopefully Rude doesn't call him out on it, but even without a Bond he most likely could read it as a nervous reaction. But he's at loss here. Technically, he consumed enough of fiction to know the motions, how do you react to confession, what it means, and all that. But putting that in practical use is another thing altogether. Out of the two, Rude is the kind of corporate hitman you can take on family dinner and introduce to your parents, and your mother will love him. Especially when she finds out the softer side he desperately tries to hide. Give it time and she'll fuss over him and knit him a scarf. Meanwhile Reno—

—he's a liar, and a thug. And there is no family dinner because there is no fucking family out there. The only place where he can prove his worth, where he can have any worth, is at his job.

Yey here he is, being valued, and being cherished by someone, outside that strict, narrow context, and frankly speaking— he has no idea how to deal with it. (Give him a moment Rude, he'll get on it)

[grandspark]

Rude heard that 'we' slip into Reno's words and despite the silly rambling nature of the rest, he heard the context in there as well. He was talking about them as if they were dancing around one another this whole time avoiding some very real, very genuine feelings inside. What-ifs and could-have-beens. Mutual pining.

Was that even accurate? (Did it matter right now?)

There was most certainly something there now and that's what mattered. Rude felt a mix of emotions and struggled not to drown in them. He wasn't certain which were his and which were mostly Reno's right now. They sort of jumbled together and got felt all at once. He'd thought he'd calmed down but he wasn't so sure. He was fairly positive some of the anxiety was his, an underlying tension that he would normally have ignored while he got an answer to his question--the uncertainty of how Reno would react to his confession, no doubt, and if he pretended it wasn't there, that it didn't matter, he could get over it more quickly if the reaction wasn't in his favor. He could go on as if nothing was wrong and slip back into the normal routine without batting an eyelash. And everything would be peachy keen. No hard feelings.

It's what part of him wanted. If Reno had no desire for him then what Rude hoped was that Reno would shut him down and move onto the next piece of business, simple as that. Rude would go on with life as normal. He'd keep his promise to always watch over Reno and not let him down, and nothing else would come of any of this. That was the easy way out. Rude figured he could handle it. He'd come to peace with that when he said his confession just now.

But that wasn't the direction Reno took. Nor did the redhead take the opportunity to go back to joking and tease Rude like he always did with stupid flirtations that may or may not have meant anything. Rude could have handled that, too, he thought. Even a one night stand with Reno if that's what the redhead wanted. A fun, memorable night, and then back to business partners. It didn't seem like a hard thing to do. (Right? He could be professional.)

Rude got neither of those reactions from Reno. Instead he was struck by how suddenly the little man was very serious and quiet, solemn. It wasn't that he'd never seen Reno go stone-cold sober before but never over something like this. The job, sure, it got to the point that sometimes even Reno needed a solemn moment to think about it, ponder over it before throwing all those worries out the window and starting from scratch again. Easier to get it out then toss it away than just ignore it sometimes.

Romance was a different story all together. He heard the things Reno said about such things. He treated it like a joke, and maybe Rude knew that was just to keep it from setting in deep, but it didn't bother Rude if Reno just wanted to have fun all the time and no consequences. That was okay. Rude saw the appeal, too. He didn't always follow it as well as Reno did, but he had his own share of temporary fun sometimes.

Now they were here, in a cozy little inn at the ends of a world that wasn't even their own, and suddenly having a heart-to-heart about things that possibly never would have come to light had it not been for some dumb dead bitch. A genuine confession that led to a realization that led to another round of confessions...

At least, Rude thought Reno might be confessing something right now. Trying to, anyway. He didn't blame Reno for flailing about like a rambling idiot over it--Rude was barely hanging onto his own emotions right now as it was. And this wasn't like his partner... Rude couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy for Reno, trying to act like something he wasn't in all this jumble, and Rude felt guilty for making him try so hard.

And yet maybe there was a little pride in there, too. Proud of Reno for acting so serious when he certainly didn't have to. He'd been given the perfect opportunity to tease Rude some more, to joke this whole conversation away--but he'd settled down, laid it out as best he could, and dug a little hole to die in if he was hurt. There was no way Rude was going to let that happen to his partner though.

Rude reached out a hand towards Reno and gently swept the red bangs out of his eyes. "They still had a few seasons after they got together, too, you know." It felt so corny to say out loud but Rude managed to say it with a straight face and a steady voice somehow. Then he took an opportunity he may never have again to indulge, and let his hand comb through Reno's hair. He could feel the difference between the bright hair and the duller feathers, just barely, on his skin as he brushed across both in the gesture. He decided then and there he liked the feeling of both and wouldn't mind feeling that sensation again sometime.

But not now. Not without Reno's permission. He let his hand drop after the one faux pas. He wasn't always as ill-mannered as his name implied.

"...you don't have to talk all the time, Reno. It's all right if you keep quiet for once."

It sounded like a tease, almost, but his tone was more serious. It wasn't harsh or mocking though but rather more like he was giving Reno permission to stop. Stop trying so hard. He could go back to what he was used to and Rude wouldn't hold it against him. It was all right. He'd already said enough anyway.

He just wanted Reno to be comfortable. Whatever this was could sort itself later, with time. Rude wasn't in a hurry.

[electrod]

Rude is right, that is as close to a confession— at least as close that Reno can muster right now. He needs to figure this out. He needs to figure himself out, damn it. This whole day was a lesson learned though— turns out he really doesn't deal well with change. Surprises? That he loves, there's a thrill and excitement in that. But change is more final, change is more permanent. Beating around the bush for another decade wouldn't change anything, they'd stay in their comfort zone— If his flirtations ever earned him anything, he'd expect it to be a semi-professional semi-casual fling, and truth to be honest— he'd be glad that if he got that much. They had a good thing going already, perfect even. If something is working why to do anything with it, especially risk fucking it up.

Coming to Aefenglom was already a Big Change, but Reno could coast by because of the steady presence in his life that is Rude. But today— he legit panicked, not knowing how to react with full honesty, and at the same time fearing doing something that would push his partner away. Still, the alternative of staying silent and pretending nothing happened didn't sit well with him either.

He's not good in that "letting yourself be vulnerable" thing. Quite on the opposite. Feelings can be exhausting, and fucks are a precious currency— limiting things he gives a fuck about, means less fucks needed to give. And thus the life gets comfortably enjoyable— A testament to the fact that he gives a massive fuck about Rude is that he initiated this conversation at all, nor he didn't run away from it. The hint of guilt, he can't tell if it's his own or not, but the more positive emotion, the tang of pride— that's 100% not of his own.

So perhaps he did something right here.

Reno chuckles and relaxes at Rude's words— when strong and at the same time, gentle hand runs through his hair and their connection strengthens it suddenly feels as if the rough sea calms, turbulent waves smoothing; Rude got his own share of stress during this conversation, but Reno clings on the calmer side as if it was a safe haven to hide in and rest. That's what Rude gave him so often, didn't he? Something to return to, a respite in chaotic daily life. Reno ran forward, got burned, and either retreated, or Rude intervened on his own. He might have a joke or two how hot it is to see someone throw a punch in his name.

—was there anything he was giving Rude, though? Or was he just a selfish prick reaping benefits?

Still, the lighter mood and amusement don't leave him, despite the darker thoughts fluttering around, trying to get out of the cage. A few seasons more together, eh?

"We both know that's gonna be a challenge—" he snorts, and the joking tone is back, almost as if it never left. Natural, instead of forced. But despite it, he does consider Rude's words despite acting on the contrary. "I always run my yap without knowing where to stop. I bet people mute me at will"

In the end, though, his words lack an actual answer. And he does understand that what Rude means that— it's okay, at least for now. Besides lack of a strict "no" has already been a sort of answer. Kind of. Maybe.

"C'mon, eat that dinner before it grows cold." he reaches off the bed to bring attention to the take-out he brought. Trying to hide the disappointment that there is no hand in his hair anymore

[grandspark]

Rude smiled in amusement at Reno's retort to his subtle offer. The joking tone was back and Rude could accept that. It felt natural, safe, comforting in its own way. They were back on solid ground. Their legs might still be a little shaky but they had made it past the biggest hurdles intact. That was a good sign, wasn't it.

"I didn't know you had a mute button," he returned all in good nature. He knew what Reno had meant but Rude liked the idea of implying Reno couldn't be silenced--that he had maybe tried and failed to get Reno to shut up plenty of times in the past. Just a fun joke between them.

It wasn't like he would tell or force Reno to shut up these days. He was used to the redhead's chatter, even when it was over him sometimes, and didn't react anymore. It didn't really bother him anymore to be honest. And Reno tended to figure it out when it did the few times it cropped up and made up for it somehow. It was just the way they worked.

Rude looked down as Reno got up, the movement close again, but it didn't bother him as much as before. Again, he felt that pull towards Reno, that simmering desire for more. He pushed it down and ignored it, not as shameful anymore but still cautious with it. He didn't want to cross a line while they were still dancing around each other uncertainly. There would be time for that later--if they went down that path. Not now.

"Yeah, I'd like that." To eat he meant. His hunger resurfacing despite the fact that he was less interested in food right now than his partner's lithe form being close to his own large frame. He'd settle for the food though. "And some sleep. It's been a long day."