middaeg | [open] if you could only see

[That earnestness in his voice and the genuine warmth behind it made Kaede's stubborn resistance falter. It...this was why she liked him in the first place. It was familiar, in ways that predated Zack, and put her at ease. ~~She's not projecting you're projecting.~~

When it was Kaede's turn, she sighed again, ruffled her shoulders a bit--but didn't hesitate any longer.]

You...helped me. Several times. When Dorchacht was still a slave city, and in dreams. You kept me safe when I couldn't remember who I was. And you were...kind to me. Still are.

[This time, her tail's motions were more relaxed, a slow, contented wag instead of a nervous fidget.]

You--we, I think...I'd like to think we were friends.

[Saying the f-word was a monumental task, one her voice hesitated on.

...and yet, it still wasn't enough. The thread was still resolutely there, though a little more transparent now. The red-feathered Chimera muttered a curse, scuffing her feet.]

[ This is a story that Zack's heard a few times now. Lightning had shared how he was there for her when she'd needed it most, and Viren had spoke of the kindness he'd offered when he was new to this place. None of it sounds out of character for him, not at all, and he's glad he was able to help so many people during his first stay here.

He just wishes he could remember.

There's a lot of hesitation on Kaede's part before she gets out the simple word: friends. Why she's so hesitant to use it, Zack can't really say. Maybe she's lost people before, or maybe she just hadn't had a lot of people she could call friend back home.

If that's the case, Zack definitely wants to make sure that changes here. Although he suspects Kaede's found plenty of other people she's been able to get close to, especially if she's bonded to someone. ]

We are friends. [ Present tense. Zack grins at her. See, it's just that simple! Except apparently it isn't, because the red string hasn't left, at least not completely. Zack glances down at it with a frown. ]

What gives? Did we do something wrong?

[At first, Kaede's expression softened a little, and she glanced back up at Zack.

The tug of the string was its own reminder, though. And no matter how she grumbled at it, it wouldn't go away.]

No, it's not...you.

[She coughed, and scuffed her foot again--claws out, this time.]

There's. More. To...us.

[Just. Say the words. Say them. It wasn't so hard, saying so to her Bonded, or to Eren...

...well, no, wait, it was still difficult to talk to Eren about these sorts of things.

But the point was--]

We were...together, a few times. Before. Not...exclusively, just...

[Could Chimeras like her burst into flames? Kaede felt like she should, right about now. Or vanish into a hole in the ground, that'd be great.]

Sorry. [And her voice dipped to a mumble.] I didn't want to...tell you like this. I shouldn't have...

[ More? Zack doesn't follow, and he tilts his head to one side, then the other, trying to figure out what she's even getting at. Sure, he'd guessed that there was something she wasn't telling him based on her behavior, but it could just as easily have been social awkwardness.

Or, as it turns out, a mix of both?

After she says the words, it takes Zack a few seconds to even process them. They were "together"? But between Kaede's stammered words, her lack of eye contact, and the way that she looks like she wants to go hide somewhere, it eventually sinks in.

Together. ]

-- Oh! You mean like... [ His hands gesture ineffectively in the air. That sort of intimacy has been the furthest thing from his mind lately. Sure, there's all the talk of bonding going around, but that doesn't have to involve anything sexual.

Hoo boy.

For once, Zack's at a loss for words, but he needs to say something or he's concerned that Kaede is going to die of embarrassment. ]

No, it's... I mean, you kinda had to. [ He glances down at his hand and finds that the string has completely vanished now. Kaede had been forced into a difficult situation there. ] I'm sorry you were put in that position, though. [ Of having to tell him before she felt ready.

But how to react to the actual information? He's got no clue what to say about that, and ends up rubbing at the back of his neck as he searches for a reasonable response. ]

... At least you won't feel like you need to bottle anything up anymore, right?

[ Well, he tried. ]

[Sometimes, Kaede found these new ears of hers annoying. Right now, though, the fact that they couldn't turn the same color as her hair was a blessing and a half. There hadn't even been a Bond involved, either, just a lot of Monster instincts and stray emotions.

But he didn't snap at her, or react angrily, or with disgust. Which...she should have expected, given Zack's temperament. It helped, regardless, and the antlered Chimera's ears lifted from where they were plastered to the sides of her head. A little. That had gone...somewhat, better than the catastrophic explosion she'd imagined. More of a struggle than telling her Bonded what she had been doing, but with...similar results. Neither of them had shouted or recoiled.

Kaede drew in a breath through her teeth, and sighed.]

...for now, I guess.

[She was still avoiding eye contact, and her formerly mobile tail had curled up still by an ankle.]

I didn't...know about you and Aerith. Sorry. [Again. She'd been saying that a lot lately.]

[ There's no way this conversation wasn't going to be uncomfortable, especially since Zack still doesn't have all of the details of how he and Kaede had ended up in such an arrangement -- and he doesn't think that asking a lot of clarifying questions is going to help right now.

That being said, he can't help but wonder at what he'd been going through back then. Aerith and Cloud hadn't been here yet. He'd probably thought he was going to be stuck in his place with no one from home for the unforeseeable future. On top of that, he and Aerith hadn't seen each other for five whole years before that.

Kaede was a chimera, like him. Maybe they'd grown a connection from that, and one thing led to another...

When Kaede apologizes, Zack shakes his head. ] It's all right. I'm guessing when that all started, Aerith hadn't shown up here yet. And we'd been separated for years, back home, so... [ It's not like he could blame himself or Aerith for needing to move on, when there'd been no guarantee they'd see each other again.

Zack has less tells. No wings or tails (yet) to give him away. He is tapping one foot against the cobblestones, the only sign of any anxiousness on his part. ]

[Finally, finally, Kaede looked back at him. There was still some color on her cheeks, but not the aggressive pink it used to be. Her ears came up, a little bit, and she blinked owlishly at him.]

You're not mad?

[Though...Aerith hadn't been angry, either. Even though Kaede had fumbled in telling her just as much as she did this time.

Five years was a long time to not see someone. But she and Kouta hadn't seen each other since they were children, and they had parted on...presumably, much worse terms. And yet he'd snapped right back into the same monolithic importance in Kaede's world like he'd never left.

Initially, anyway. But that was a story for another time.]

[ While Zack can sort of understand Kaede's concerns, given that this is an awkward thing to have to tell someone who has no way of remembering, he's not sure why she'd thought his reaction would be anger. He shakes his head, causing hair and feathers alike to brush lightly across his shoulders. ]

How can I be mad about something I did? I may not remember it, but...

[ He could be upset that she'd kept it from him, but he can understand that choice too. It's not the sort of information you wanted to dump on someone out of nowhere.

The only thing that really has him anxious is not knowing what she might expect, going forward. If she's got a bond now, she probably doesn't intend for them to be "together" again, does she? ]

I'd still like to be your friend. If that's okay.

[ Anything more than that, he can't promise. He has no idea how things might turn out, but he isn't going to force something just because it was how it had been before. He just hopes that won't disappoint Kaede. ]

[While a little color remains in Kaede's face, her ears came up and her shoulders straighten out of their unhappy little huddle. She flexed her hand where the thread used to be, and found no resistance from the tether that used to be there.]

Yes. That's enough.

[She doesn't smile, but the stressed lines pulling her mouth into an anxious grimace fade. Even after spending so long alone, absent friends still left ragged holes in her chest. Being able to patch one up again was an almost palpable relief, like pulling a thorn out of her foot.]

Is there anyone else you need to find?

[ That's enough. While Kaede may not seem outwardly exuberant, Zack can still piece together that she's relieved, if nothing else. He nods, also glad to have any unpleasantness out of the way. If this means that there will no longer be a strange strained feeling between them, then that's something worth celebrating.

At her question, he glances down at his hands but they're mercifully free of any red strings. He shakes his head. ]

No, guess I got lucky and only had the two. [ Which means that things can go back to what passes for "normal" in this place. ]

So, hey! [ He lifts his hand up in the air and then extends it toward her. ] High-five. We're free.

[Kaede's ears twitched back when Zack raised his hand, but he didn't clout her shoulder, or...anything, just left his hand hanging there. What was he...?

--oh. Right. Uh. Shit, hold on.

Kaede's stretched arms made reaching easy, even with how tall Zack was. And he was leaning it forwards, so the red-feathered Chimera didn't even need to stand on her toes more than usual.

She didn't hit his hand very hard, somewhere between a tentative slap and half of an attempt to curl her fingers that she immediately rethought. And there was a noticeable pause beforehand.

Look, she's not good at this.]

[ That may or may not have been the most awkward high-five that Zack's ever been on the receiving end of, but he manages to hold back on actually saying that. Mainly because he doesn't want to make Kaede feel bad when they just reached an understanding of sorts.

It's something they can work on, if nothing else.

He reaches out to set his hand on the top of her head, between her ears and antlers, and quickly ruffle her hair. ]

All right, I should get going, but... don't be a stranger, all right?

[ They've passed the hurdle of what she wasn't telling him, and now they can move forward with a clean slate of sorts. ]

[That...seemed to go well? Maybe? It sure felt horribly awkward, but Zack didn't seem deterred in the slightest. And it made that weight dragging on her shoulders stay gone.

His hand coming down on Kaede's head was a separate thing, though. And at first, she froze stiff, willing herself not to move. Kaede's eyes pinched closed, but only for a moment. One peeked open, to see what he was up to--

Oh. This wasn't so bad. This wasn't so bad at all. Kaede's hair was very soft, and some of the feathers in her hair started fluffing up under Zack's palm. Her ears even did a little flick-flop before settling back like the feathers did.]

Yeah. I won't.

[open] if you could only see

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