middaeg | (open mingle | purramid cafe)

Entry tags:

monster duchess: leslie

(open mingle | purramid cafe)

Who: Anyone (including fourth wallers!)
When: Throughout the month
Where: Purramid Cafe (Entertainment District)
What: Mingle post
Warnings: None!

grab a meowcha latte
Perhaps you came here intentionally. You need a spot to meet a friend, somewhere to study magic, or you just want to spend some time rolling around on the floor with some cats. Or it's entirely possible that you simply wandered in upon seeing the divine beasts loafing in the window and curiosity got the better of you. Regardless of how or why you ended up here, you've found yourself in this cafe. Now what?

While that's entirely up to you, it's definitely recommended that you order something to drink or to eat. (The menu is entirely cat- and Egyptian-based puns, but anything you might order is of quality and worth purchasing, promise!) Maybe you're wanting to sample everything on the menu at least once or you're developing a favorite. The counter is also where you are able to purchase catmint and treats if you wish to spoil the sphinxes (or if you've got a feline at home).

Otherwise, make yourself comfortable. There's plenty of seating with small tables or pillows to cushion you as you sit on the floor. Play with the sphinx kittens or see how many you can coax onto you. Or suffer when one decides to hop into your lap at the precise moment you're about to stand and leave and only a horrible person would ever disturb its impending slumber.

study group/monsters nights (alternating wednesdays)
Let's be honest, the transition from everyone's world to this one is a bit of a rough one. There's a lot to adjust to and some have it a little more intense than others. Everyone could likely use a little help trying to figure things out. That's why every other Wednesday night for this month is either Study Night or Monsters Night.

During Study Night, individuals with proficiency or deficits in the various schools of magic in Aefenglom can convene with one another to practice spells, discuss magical theory and research, or otherwise troubleshoot difficulties/challenges together. Guests are not allowed to test their magic directly on the sphinxes, but if it can essentially create some play with the cubs, that's allowed. Successful mastery of a spell while at study group will earn one a free drink for either that same night or during their next visit!

Monsters Night, however, is more of a Monsters only event, including for the staff. (Even Ozymandias stays out of the cafe after the event begins.) The night is intended to provide Monsters with the opportunity to have their own space to discuss their challenges and successes with adapting to their changes, or other concerns they might be experiencing. It may also be a place to discuss some of the concerns that are often raised about Bonds, especially from those who have heard about or witnessed Dorchacht. All Monsters receive a discount on their first purchase of food or drink and pay regular prices for all subsequent purchases!

board & card game night (every friday)
To also promote the cafe for its first full month of business, Friday nights are reserved for board & card games. The cafe provides its own selection of games that one could find for purchase in the city itself and provide rule explanations for those who might need them. Customers are also free to bring their own copies of these games or, if they've taken the time to make it themselves, games from their own worlds! (Ozymandias, for example, has provided the cafe with a few Senet game boxes if one is feeling adventurous enough to try what is essentially ancient Egyptian backgammon.) Tabletop nerds are also welcome to bring their character sheets and get rolling and storytelling. For games where it might be appropriate, customers are free to get a little competitive and create their own mini-tournaments if desired, or keep it completely casual. Play with strangers or with friends! Just be careful not to get locked into a several hours long friendship-ruining real estate-based game because you decided use house rules instead...

Customers should be warned that the sphinx cubs are not going anywhere though! There may be a few disruptions as there is attempted thievery of game pieces or someone decides a board looks like a good place to lay down. Or maybe you decide to team up with a sphinx cub and they provide you with terrible financial advice in the aforementioned real state game. (Note: Sphinxes don't talk and they definitely have not been educated on real estate, so please don't seek that sort of advice from them.)

Drinks are also discounted the entire night. So, maybe be a little careful about getting too much of a caffeine high, but otherwise, have fun!

((ooc: this is an entirely open mingle post for everyone, including fourth wallers! the sphinx kittens behave more or less like cats, so go wild with whatever goofy cat nonsense you want to get into. if you'd like more information about the cafe or are interested in having your character work/volunteer there, please see the info post. you will also see there are opportunities for business partnerships or posting fliers there as well! feel free to ask any questions on that post or hmu via PM!))

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[Leslie can feel her face burning as she has trouble meeting his eyes. He called her intelligent and offered advice, but she's suffering from that unfortunately common human experience of minimizing the praise and multiplying the criticism until all she can hear is: "You're doing everything wrong."]

I've had a lot of failures in my life. I've kept going.

[It's a weird thing to come out of a twelve year old's mouth, but it's not entirely inaccurate to her experience. She picks up the sticks and tosses them. All coloured. She moves a piece.]

I...don't know how to do anything else. You have to remember all of it, because if you forget a detail that is what you need at that time, you'll be in trouble...right?

[She tosses the sticks. Two of each again. She tries to not react to it as she moves her piece.]

Is that why -- I have the wrong attitude, and that's why I can't --

[Instead of ending that sentence, she holds out the sticks to him.]

[It is an odd thing for her to say at her age.]

[Ozymandias is not unaccustomed to the notion of a child bearing more expectations and responsibilities than those of lower birth or born to the modern era, but it is odd to hear her speak of failure in such a manner. Because really, it sounds as though she is speaking of herself rather than decisions or actions. Still, he listens to her patiently. He doesn’t offer anything as an immediate counter, treating her with the same respect he would offer an adult with a dissenting opinion or perspective.]

[When she ends her sentence and tries to offer him the sticks, he doesn't accept them. Instead, he prompts her to finish that sentence, to allow him to hear the entirety of her thought before he says anything else. His tone is gentle.]

You can't what?

[After a moment of him not accepting the sticks, she sets the stick back on the table before placing her hands in her lap. She fidgets a little, her eyes darting here and there as she tries to resist the urge to look away. Eventually, though, she forces herself to meet his gaze. His gentleness is making it a little easier, even though she’s ashamed by her following “confession.”]

I can’t use the magic here as well as I should be able to. I’ve been studying what I thought was enough time to devote to it and there are even some people like Marquis Vestra who have been helping me when I get stuck, but when I try to use the magic, it doesn’t work as well as it should. It took me a month to be able to do anything, and it’s taking me so long to use spells better.

[There’s some level of truth in this, that she’s been struggling a bit more than most witches might with the same amount of work, but excessively high expectations of herself combined with wounded self-esteem have made this small difference balloon in her head.]

[She opens her eyes wider to try to keep any tears of shame forming.]

The day before I arrived in Aefenglom, Big Brother Ruenti taught me my first lesson in magic — the kind from my world. And he praised me for how good I was. It was the first time anyone ever told me — [there’s a hesitation, but given the previous prompt and any encouragement she can sense from Ozymandias as she looks at him, she pushes on] — that I wasn’t inadequate in my studies. But...it was only one lesson, and now I’m here, and I can’t use the magic here well. ...What if he made a mistake, since it was only one lesson?

[In saying —- well, he actually called her a genius, but she took it as “not inadequate.”]

[Ozymandias remains patient as Leslie works up the ability to finish what she was going to say before she cut herself off. The shame she feels is a near tangible thing, pushing down on her small shoulders and nearly causing her head to drop as well were she not so determined to try and hold his gaze in explaining herself.]

[It had only been a few words of praise from before in her world, and she crumpled beneath them. She set herself to that standard, to be what she thought it meant to be worthy of those words and saw any shortcoming as an abject failure, disgrace, and even shame. It was easier to accept that a mistake had been made than to consider the alternative. Ozymandias tilts his head slightly as he considers her, he sees a different set of violet eyes struggling to meet his gaze as deference quickly warps itself into a sense of inferiority and feeling of being an impostor.]

Have you given up on excelling at the magic of this world?

[Leslie starts shaking her head quickly even before she finishes registering the question.]

No! No, I — I don’t want to —

[Her head slows to a stop. She doesn’t want to give up, but her confidence is too shaken to deny it that strongly for long.]

I don’t know if I can. But I have to try. Studying is all that I’m good for —

[Leslie bites her bottom lip as if to stop her mouth from continuing. She promised herself she wouldn’t listen to them anymore, but old beliefs can burrow themselves into the psyche and slip out in a careless moment. Her arms rest against her in what is in an ambiguous place between crossing her arms and hugging herself.]

...No, that’s not true. But the city — the city and the Mirrorbound — they need so much help, and I don’t know how to help if I don’t have something like magic.

Then you were not misjudged. [Ozymandias says this without any sort of hesitation, his tone matter-of-fact.] We can set aside that you do not think much of yourself or your abilities for the moment. Although I find myself in disagreement with you on your potential and latent ability, it does not particularly matter if you possess great power, strength, intelligence, or talent. When it comes to those things, many of them can be taught or compensated for to some degree or another.

What matters is that you would still do everything that you could even with any sort of limitations, especially with such pure intent as to help others even if they are strangers to you. [He leans forward a little in his seat, folding his arms loosely on the edge of the table.] But you limit yourself, Leslie, more than anything or anyone else.

[He shakes his head a little.]

It is perfectly alright to have doubts. Without them, I believe we would make more mistakes than we intend and we would never allow ourselves to grow. But the more you tell yourself that you cannot, the more that will be true. And I cannot think of a crueler thing than to say something cannot be so many times that the path to that possible future is no longer available to you.

[She is so young, too, to have such suffocating limits placed upon her. Her dreams and thoughts of what she might be and what she could do should only be contained by the limits of her imagination, not crushed by self-doubt until they are so small, they are little more than dust.]

[It almost goes without saying that Leslie listens intently. She takes people’s words seriously in all but the most ridiculous moments, and sometimes even then. As she listens, it looks like some of the crushing weight is lifting from her as he tells her that she was not misjudged and that the lack she fears she might have may be compensated for, though there is a touch of bashfulness as though she worries that she should not be feeling such relief. There is a little confusion, too, especially at the last things he says, and she puzzles over it for a moment before she replies.]

Believing something is impossible makes it impossible, so you have to believe you can do it even if it’s not true. [It’s a little off, but close, at least.] I don’t understand why it would change things so much, but if it will help me to get better, I’ll try my best.

[And she truly, honestly doesn’t understand it. Whether a task was truly possible or not, giving up was never an option. For most of her childhood, this was enforced from outside, but even now, the drive to push forward through doubts and fears remains in her.]

Though I...I don’t know how to make myself believe in myself.

[Ozymandias studies her a moment before he finally accepts the sticks, gathering them up neatly. He looks at them as he taps them on the table, aligning them perfectly with one another.]

I believe I might be of some assistance on that matter. [Because it would be a challenge to find anyone who holds more belief or confidence in themselves than Ozymandias. But there was also a time, a moment here and there, where that was not particularly true. When he was still alive, still so young, barely a prince and not yet Pharaoh. Ozymandias lifts his gaze back to Leslie.] Provided that you are willing to keep my secret between just us. I would not have anyone know this without my knowledge or consent.

[Leslie generally has good posture, but she manages to find a way to sit up even straighter. She takes his request for secrecy Very Seriously, and the offer of assistance in this matter is one far too valuable to give up.]

I agree to be bound by this contract. I will never reveal this secret under any circumstance.

[.....she means "I promise."]

[Ozymandias smiles at the seriousness with which she accepts to keep his secret. Such seriousness is not as necessary as she is taking it, but he appreciates it all the same.]

I have always had faith in the gods. I knew they bestowed their blessings and protections upon me from my birth, and I knew full well the path that laid ahead of me. I was trained well, too. My father and mother saw to it that I was to be well-educated to ensure that I could be what I was meant to become. But... [And this is where Ozymandias rests his arms against the table, leaning in a little closer and lowering the volume of his voice to prevent any eavesdropping.] It was not until I was little older than you now when I felt the weight of my responsibilities and duties. My father appointed me Prince Regent and all of a sudden, I began to have doubts. The more tasks I had, the more I feared I would make an irrevocable mistake. That somehow, I would singlehandedly bring Egypt to ruin before I was ever made Pharaoh. It was never anything I could ever give voice to in my position, but those that knew me best understood what I was really trying to say when we would speak of such matters. And they knew what to say in return.

You see, Leslie, those that care for you shall always be prepared to carry belief in you. For however long it takes for you to feel it for yourself, they will not give up on you. They will not push you to think or feel differently. They will only ever speak directly from their hearts.

[He sits up, speaking normally.]

All you need to do is trust that they are speaking honestly, and be patient with yourself.

[For a moment as Ozymandias speaks of his childhood, Leslie briefly looks a bit wistful and, especially, very lonely. It isn’t like he spoke of some kind of idealized childhood. The only mention of his family was that his parents made sure he was well-educated for the role he was meant for since birth, which is in the broadest sense technically true of her own upbringing. But with the blessings and protection of the gods and with how at peace Ozymandias was speaking of the role he had in that memory of Nefertari’s death, she thinks it must have been the kind of life she dreamed of when she was younger — that, in many ways, she still dreams of, though less often now that she is surrounded by kind people who consider her a friend.]

[She shakes her head with quick but small movements. No, she shouldn’t let herself be envious of him. It feels like she’s doing something wrong. Instead, she leans forward as he does to help him hide his secret from others he has not let hear it.]

[...She can barely imagine the man in front of her as having ever been unsure of himself, let alone to the degree to which he describes. There’s a firm dividing line Leslie draws between herself and other people deep in her subconscious. Two of them, really: between herself and those she respects, and between herself and those she would condemn as evil. The first line remains, but it shakes ever so slightly.]

[She takes time to consider his advice thoroughly. Though she admires Ozymandias and the wisdom he’s shared very much, she doesn’t want to accept it shallowly, without having thought through it at all.]

[After a few moments, she raises the gaze that was lowered as she picked through the things he said until she meets his eyes.]

...Would you tell me? If you didn’t believe that I could do something I was trying to do. Or if...if I disappointed you.

[She trusts the people she cares for, mostly, but one of the few exceptions making it fall short of full trust is the thought that it might be kindness rather than anything particular to her.]

[Not long before she arrived in Aefenglom, she realized that the people who raised her, insofar as that word can possibly be applied to what they did to her, always were cruel no matter what she did. Nothing she could have ever done would have made a single person in that house praise her. The seed of an idea has firmly rooted in her mind that perhaps the people she knows since escaping that place are only the inverted mirror of the people she used to know: that they will always be kind to her no matter what she does, and nothing she would ever do would have made a single person that she now knows condemn her. It is a far, far better place to be, but it would still mean that their belief is a reflection of their own kindness, not of Leslie herself.]

What do you believe?

[He does not provide her with his answer, but not because he feels the answer to that question is obvious. (Although he most certainly does. While he has always heaped upon Leslie a mountain of praise for any of her accomplishments and for her potential, he has never been one to provide anyone with undeserved or false praise. That she is a child does not change that as Ozymandias knows that false praise could very well be the difference between life and death in some circumstances.) Ozymandias has never had any reason to ever belittle or demean Leslie like by rubbing an obvious answer in her face, and he does not do that now. Instead, he knows that whatever he might think or believe to be true does not particularly matter.]

[It is what Leslie believes that matters most.]

[And while she could choose to believe whatever answer he supplies, a belief that is given to someone is never nearly as strong as one they have fostered on their own. If she is to believe that Ozymandias shall always be truthful with her, to teach her both with kindness and a willingness to tell her when she has done wrong or poorly, it needs to come from her. Not Ozymandias.]

[Despite her best efforts, her eyes well up with tears.]

I don't know.

[Though not the whole story, it is true. She sniffles.]

But...you did tell me that I was going to never amount to anything if I kept going like this. [He never said anything to that degree, but such is the mind of someone with high anxiety and low self-esteem when it comes to summarizing things people say.] So...I want to think that you'd tell me if I was doing something impossible, too. But you've been so kind to me this whole time. Have I really not done anything wrong when we were together?

[Leslie knows that the people who raised her for most of her life were wrong and malicious. She knows better than to stand for being treated that way. But it's still difficult for her to understand this transition into a place where people believe the best of her and she never experiences anything beyond maybe a gentle chiding.]

[It's not even that she's never been told when she'd done something wrong in Aefenglom. But Leslie is so used to even the smallest mistake, even an imagined wrong, would result in harsh punishment that she doesn't even recognize the gentle corrections that the people here as being in the same category.]

[Ozymandias' head tips slightly to one side at the intensity with which she interpreted his words. It's not particularly surprising given everything they have spoken of to this point, but it's still noteworthy all the same. Whatever gentle guidance he might provide, it would appear that Leslie's natural inclination is to twist it into something more than it what it was. Ozymandias wonders privately if that is perhaps the only way she might understand criticism. That it must be cruel and biting to point out a flaw or a mistake, and that anything less is a compliment. One that she assumes to have no earned. Or perhaps it has nothing to do with Leslie at all. Perhaps it is merely the cruel phantoms of her past convincing her of something that is not there.]

[Regardless of the source though, Ozymandias dismisses her question as one for him to answer for a second time.]

Is that what I told you? Or is that what you took my words to mean?

[There is no criticism. No harshness. No potential insult or attempt to shame her lying in wait once she gives her answer. It is a gentle curiosity. An attempt at clarification.]

[Leslie looks surprised by the questions, seriously believing that her interpretation had been correct.]

Is it not?

[She frowns a little in thought as she casts her memory back to his words.]

You said that if my goal was only to the level of a novice like it has been, I would accomplish no more than that and might even fail to accomplish that much. That I ought to plan to become an expert, because I should accomplish more than rote memorization. [She seems to have almost automatically stripped out the compliment in “You are far too intelligent, Leslie, to settle with being a novice like that.” Instead of the encouragement that she is capable of seeking a higher level, it became an obligation to reach it.] And that this is also the case outside of games.

[She thinks through these again.]

Is that...really so different from never amounting to anything?

[As always with Leslie, Ozymandias listens to her explanation patiently and without any interruption. But where her perception overtakes his meaning is so plain, Ozymandias perhaps could have offered her only half-attention and still spotted it.]

I see. I was not as careful with my words as I ought to have been, [he says more to himself than necessarily to Leslie. It may have been her perception of his words misconstruing the meaning, but he was the one to speak them and thus, providing the opportunity for misinterpretation.] Unclear as my words were, you took them to be a scolding of sorts.

[Ozymandias shakes his head a little.]

Leslie, the point of what I said was to say that you are very intelligent and there is very little that you cannot do should you put your mind to doing it. My advice to you is that you try to allow yourself to see that rather than assuming that you shall fail before you have even attempted is not an indictment, but an assertion that you have every reason to take pride in yourself as others do.

[After he calls his words unclear, she opens her mouth to protest that it wasn’t his fault, but she closes it quickly as he continues, not wishing to interrupt him, either.]

[Her first answer follows closely on the heels of his last word, though.]

Do you really th — ? [She stops herself, her arms stiffening up as she grips the skirt of her dress more tightly.]

No, you wouldn’t say it if you didn’t mean it. And Big Brother Ruenti doesn’t seem like that kind of person, either.

[Nor did any other Mirrorbound who commented on her intellect in the time she’s been here, and all of them are much more trustworthy than those who’d denigrated her intelligence throughout her short life. But the habit of echoing the insults she’d heard inside her own head is hard to break.]

I will try. I — [she blinks a few times] Do I have to believe in my ability to believe in myself in order to succeed at believing in myself?

[Her train of thought appears to have gotten sidetracked again.]

[Ozymandias cannot help but chuckle at her question, although not out of mockery but instead out of fondness. Some of which is the pharaoh's affections for this young girl, something that she has earned for herself, and some of which is filled with a nostalgia that Ozymandias does not often allow himself to indulge in. Although he had never been entirely immune to self-doubt, he was also never one to overthink to such a degree. That was a talent of another in his lifetime, when push began to shove.]

It is nothing quite so convoluted, no, [he says, the barest trace of his laughter still coloring his tone. Ozymandias gathers up the sticks once more, lightly rolling them between his hands a moment.] You will find your own way, Leslie. Much like this game and all that it symbolizes, you must occasionally have faith and simply trust those things that are beyond mortal understanding will place you on the correct path. All you need do is to walk it.

Now then, shall we return to our game?

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(open mingle | purramid cafe)

so this took a turn I didn't plan on

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I'm sorry, this became ruder than even I meant it to be.

i question how sorry you are, but i forgive you all the same

I wrote Leslie’s interpretation and then went “wait what where did that come from”

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THANK GOODNESS THIS IS STILL HERE after I fell asleep in the middle of the tag

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