Anywhere I would have followed you // closed

[aban_aqun]

Who: the Iron Bull aban_aqun and Dorian Pavus bestdressed
When: Four days after arriving
Where: their cottage
What: feelings
Warnings: feelings; will be updated as necessary



Slowly but surely, Dorian and Bull have been exploring their cottage and attempting to make it feel more like home. Dorian's spent time exploring the clearly magicked platforms and stairs above the house, and Bull-- has watched from the ground, for now. As much as Dorian assures him that it appears entirely stable and unlikely to fall out of the sky, Bull is content to simply trust the magic and not engage with it. For now.

Learning to trust magic has been an on-going process since he left Seheron. Bull likes to think he's made exceptional progress in the past decade or so.

Despite their focus on trying to settle, Bull hasn't forgotten the weight Dorian is carrying: the one that's been on his shoulders since they arrived. The one that's nothing to do with being here.

"Hey, found someone getting rid of these and thought you'd like them," he says when he finds Dorian in their bedroom. Draped across the Bull's arms are gauzy curtains that would look good draped around the bare canopy of the bed.

Comments

[bestdressed]

"Honestly, Bull," he huffs. "Ignoring the problem does not make it stop existing." Which would be why he's thrown himself into his studies as quickly as he has. His voice softens a little as he goes on. "I know what they've called you, and I don't like it any more than you do. But the facts as they are indicate that you will experience some sort of...transformation. What kind remains to be seen."

He knows how terrifying this prospect must be for Bull; at least as frightening as it has been for Dorian to be cut off from the Fade.

"From what I've gathered, this process can be slowed and controlled through the formation of a Bond with a so-called witch, such as myself. It appears to be a sort of magical symbiosis."

[aban_aqun]

Dorian is right, of course. Ignoring it will not make it stop any more than ignoring a hurricane will make it go away. All one can do is prepare and wait for it to hit. Shock ebasit hissra. Bull carefully rests his head on top of Dorian's and he listens.

"They tried to get me to do a temporary one on the first day here," he admits. "I might have been... resistant."

Having an unknown potion foisted at him by an unknown mage for the purpose of bonding with a total stranger after being pulled through a mirror-- Well. Dorian knows him well enough by now that he can probably imagine how that went.

[bestdressed]

"I can imagine," Dorian says mildly, because it's true. He can picture with probably near-perfect accuracy how that interaction had gone. "I doubt I would have behaved much better. It's terribly irresponsible to foist that expectation on anyone brand-new to this place, before they even have a full understanding of the magic involved. The joining of magical signatures is not something to be trifled with lightly. Given the properties of the bond as I've heard it from others, even a temporary one could prove to be dangerous should you link with someone too incompatible. Which you wouldn't have any idea about, would you, if they're asking you to do so with a complete stranger."

Dorian's voice has steadily risen as he talks, getting more and more visibly irritated. He's glad that Bull is so resistant to strange magic; he wouldn't have wanted him to try it on his own. He has a feeling Bull would react badly to joining in such a way with anyone he isn't familiar with. Dorian is well aware that the only sort of magic the Bull has truly come to trust is his own.

"That being said," he continues, forcing himself to speak more slowly. "With what I've learned, I do think it would be beneficial. Not with someone else, of course, but the two of us."

[aban_aqun]

Dorian's indignation gives Bull comfort: it isn't just his own pigheadedness that kept him from participating, but a healthy reluctance to engage with something he doesn't understand. That Dorian is this upset at the idea means something. Bull presses a kiss to Dorian's hair and murmurs something soft, something that sounds like gratitude.

"I would try it with you," he admits. Bull trusts Dorian's instincts and his knowledge regarding magic, but he also trusts Dorian. He might still feel nervous about using magic like this, but that's born of an entire life of being educated on its worse dangers and few of its benefits. Bull likes to think he's come a long way since leaving Seheron and even further as his relationship with Dorian progressed.

Bull is quiet when he finally says: "I don't like this."

[bestdressed]

For as fundamentally different as they are, there are actually many things on which Dorian and Bull agree. One of them is the irresponsible use of dangerous magic. Dorian's seen quite enough of the results of that throughout his life. Dorian shifts in Bull's lap, turning in his arms until he can reach up to touch his face, cradling his jaw with both hands. His thumbs brush along his cheeks, prickling against growing stubble. "Neither do I," he agrees sincerely. "Not any part of it."

Bull isn't alone. They have one another, and Dorian doesn't like this any more than he does. But as they have no idea how long they'll be here, he's determined to make this as easy on Bull as is possible, which is why he's done so much research already. As per a conversation he'd had about the topic, it's a witch's prerogative to protect their bonded partner. And he fully intends to do just that.

"I think that precisely what we should do," he says. "Attend one of those classes together, try it temporarily. And if it works as I think it should, then perhaps from there..." Oh, he hadn't intended this to sound quite so...oddly romantic? Hard to avoid when talking about magically bonding oneself to someone already loved, but this is just what's practical. Of course. "Something more permanent."

[aban_aqun]

Bull closes his eye as Dorian touches his face. What Bull won't say is that he is afraid. He has seen what he's capable of when he's a monster and he knows that Dorian will say everything to reassure him, but Dorian doesn't know. He leans close to catch the mage in a quiet kiss.

"Alright," he says at last. He'll go to the lectures if Dorian will go with him, if he has a buffer between himself and unfamiliar magic. Bull brushes his thumbs over Dorian's shoulders. Bonding does sound sort of romantic, but he thinks that's only because it will involve Dorian.

"Permanent, huh?" he teases gently, trying to lighten the mood.

[bestdressed]

Dorian might understand more than he's given credit for. He's seen the Bull in the midst of his reaver rages, incredible strength induced by blood and pain and the chaos of battle. He's remained with him in the aftermath as he returns to himself, seen the shift. He knows that Bull is violent, that he often needs to kill to feel at peace with himself. Bull has seen and experienced all of the ugliest sides of war, and still often sees them both in dreams and while awake. More than a decade later Seheron still haunts him. Dorian knows. He loves him still. The Iron Bull remains one of the gentlest men Dorian has ever known. His lips, though scarred, are soft when they touch. Dorian is far more demanding in his kiss than Bull, fingers curling around his jaw.

They're in agreement then. Good. As he understands it, bonding will help them to process Bull's changes together, waylaying them to a more manageable pace, as well as deter the infection of the Cwyld, which seems to infect so-called "monsters" far more readily. They break away and Dorian looks searchingly at Bull's face, though he finds nothing but gentle amusement.

"You know what I mean," he says quickly, a little flustered. It's still a bit embarrassing, even after all this time, for him to express his dedication so plainly. It makes him feel vulnerable. "It's a binding ritual meant to last a lifetime if those involved are lucky. You've seen Bonded pairs by now." They'd been greeted, after all, by a prominent one: head witch Nerissa Bell and her partner, the wolf woman Mhairi. She'd certainly seemed fierce, but well in control of herself. Strange to think that they might become like that themselves. Stranger to think that he's essentially asking Bull to be bound to him for life, and that he would agree. Put like that it does sound significant.

[aban_aqun]

"Yes, I've seen them. And I would be happy to enter into a lifetime bond with you, kadan." He wouldn't hesitate, he realizes. Bull tips his head for another kiss and holds Dorian a bit tighter against his chest. It's easy to say.

It isn't just about the protection it offers them, though that is a difficult to ignore practicality. It's something enduring, lasting. It's something that might, at least in part, reflect how he feels about Dorian. They certainly don't need magic for Bull to make his feelings plain, but the ritual neatly echoes everything he already feels.

Dedicate himself to Dorian for the rest of his life? He already has.

[bestdressed]

Oh. To hear Bull say it so plainly strikes Dorian momentarily speechless. Not that it matters much, as Bull kisses him again directly after. All of his sensible, practical reasoning hadn't prepared him for simple fact of Bull wanting to be with him for the rest of his life. It is characteristic of Dorian to think of such entanglements as theirs as temporary, despite even Bull's assurance that he would still want him all the way from Tevinter. The idea of being with Bull in ten, twenty, thirty years--hoping for something so far in the future seems like inviting disappointment. But Bull says otherwise, and Dorian finds himself inclined to believe him.

"You should be so lucky," he says in lieu of what he really wants to: so would I.