[Closed/Open] Me and the devil were standing side by side

[turmoiling]

Who: Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen, plus open/miscellaneous
When: Throughout late Aereuer/before the next full moon
Where: Coven, plus Aefenglom in general
What: Following through on what's probably a terrible idea. Also tea.
Warnings: Implied murder-suicide talk in the bonding thread

[Prompts in toplevels, feel free to ping me at nanomachinesson for extra starters if you want to do anything else!]

Comments

[turmoiling]

[Untouchable, but just as much as Wangji is untouchable to Jin Guangyao. If anything happens, he'll be the first one they look to, and he's bereft of all the tricks, tools, and minions of the past. Then there's the situation with Xichen, which has become, frankly, annoyingly complicated.]

To simply live my life. I'm not a cultivator here, Hanguang-jun, and it seems rather meaningless to let the past live on in a place where it is meaningless to everyone else around us.

[He replies pleasantly still, but then takes a little more serious, quiet attitude as he sets his first stone on the board. Of course it's far more likely that Lan Wangji won't believe him -- and he shouldn't. But Jin Guangyao might as well make the effort, and he's still just as good as always at playing sincere.]

Regardless of what you know, or what you might recall, you should know that I don't hold anything that happened against yourself or Wei Wuxian. You were manipulated, after all. Any sort of interference that naturally followed from being forced into the track of investigation is... regrettable, to be sure. But I'm looking to start a new life here, and I don't want those old memories to weigh any of us down.

[taciturnly]

( anger doesn’t rise as quietly as it once did. his connection to his bonded is an outburst on all his senses, and lan wangji’s temper sometimes mirrors its many moods, impulses that elude his unwavering restraint. he wavers now, barely resisting the urge to slam his fist onto the table; it’s a flare of magic instead, a whirlwind breeze around them for dramatic effects that surges up, whipping past jin guangyao and subsiding as quickly as it came. lan xichen’s sworn brother sputters the same words a victim might, and lan wangji’s knuckles are white atop the table, stray pieces of weiqi between his fingers. )

Redemption has a price. ( penance, and it’s a hiss between gritted teeth, because jin guangyao wishes for a second chance that lan wangji doesn’t think he deserves. lan xichen thinks otherwise, his brother the only soothing balm on his wounds, and a good measure of salt. ) Trust is earned.

[turmoiling]

[If that resentment and hatred was simmering quietly before, they rise to a quiet boil with that show of magical force. But it lies still behind a soft voice, words evenly measured.]

Should I die a second time? I think if I died a thousand deaths, that still wouldn't be good enough for you, would it. You know, for all that I am the one turning into some kind of creature, I am not the one with the beastly urges here. Please control yourself, Hanguang-jun. I'm sure your brother wouldn't like to see you like this.

[taciturnly]

( ah, death. an easy way out, if nothing else; no, lan wangji wouldn’t be satisfied if he died a thousand times, though his reasons might differ from the ones in jin guangyao’s mind. even now he gets under his skin, easily; he knows where to prod, how, and lan wangji’s nostrils flare as a sliver of guilt flashes in his eyes.

he breathes in, a sharp exhale as he stares quiet for a few moments. ) Atone. ( calmer, but no less clipped. speaking of his brother... ) For his sake. ( if he truly cares at all. )

[turmoiling]

[Contrary to what Lan Wangji might think, he does care. It's just... difficult to deal with that on top of everything else in life.]

What do you see as a fitting atonement then?

[He asks out of curiosity as much as anything. If you think he's going to have himself whipped or anything at all like that, you have another think coming, Wangji.]

[taciturnly]

( caring for someone you shouldn’t care for isn’t exactly unknown territory for lan wangji, nor is penance. oh, the things they could share, if such a bone-deep aura of animosity didn’t divide them. jin guangyao doesn’t seem to believe that he should repent, and if the past can’t be erased, compensation should be offered. )

Benevolence. ( genuine, selfless, if he’s capable of such things. but most importantly... ) You are not worthy of my brother’s affections. ( chin slightly dipped down, he leans in, eyes narrowed and gaze unflinching. ) Earn them.

[turmoiling]

[Spoken as if any goodwill would ever be believed after the confrontation at the temple, as if he hadn't had that sentiment that he wasn't worthy or good enough chasing him from when he was born, and as if he himself wasn't the one owed something by the man glaring at him at this moment. Even if he cared what Lan Wangji thought, there's no point in pursuing acceptance from someone when it can't possibly be earned in a hundred lifetimes. He'd learned that a long time ago.

He dips his head in thoughtful 'acceptance'.]

I'll take your words into consideration. There's plenty of time for reflection, and to consider what can be done to make amends.

[If he thought that he despised Lan Wangji for what had transpired before, he hates him even more for trying to burden him with words so easily spoken but impossible, unattainable.]

[taciturnly]

( no, he wouldn’t believe him. he might give his brother the benefit of the doubt, however, he already has in ways, and he so desperately wants him to be right. maybe jin guangyao is beyond redemption. or maybe a bond with his brother will actually do him some good, and it’s all he can hope for at this point, zewu-jun’s kindness to reach the confines of jin guangyao’s tainted heart.

as for taking his words into consideration… lan wangji nearly scoffs, a twitch at the corner of his upper lip. ) Is there? ( time. for reflection. as if he should be given a choice. slowly he rises to his feet; hanguang-jun never overstays his welcome, but first... ) Has Chifeng-zun been made aware? ( y’know. of everything. )

[turmoiling]

[That twitch of the lip is more than enough confirmation for Jin Guangyao. You can call him insincere and a liar. But asking for atonement even while in disbelief at the idea, isn't that just as insincere? But it's fine for you to say, oh of course.

As for Nie Mingjue...]

We've, ah, spoken about everything that happened, yes.

[With a small break in the sentence there because nobody would even have a chance at believing that interaction went smoothly in any way.

Not that they spoke of everything, not even close to everything. A forced confession and details first intended to help spare his own life, then to hurt Mingjue when escape wasn't offered and death seemed imminent, that was all. Jin Guangyao doesn't expect this to be believed either, but at least if Wangji feels the need to go fill in a blank or two, he can at least prevent him from having a clear starting point to add details Chifeng-zun doesn't need to hear about.

The small black and white weiqi stones are still a bit scattered from the gust of wind Lan Wangji raised, so he can't help but add innocently:]

Would you mind helping to tidy up before you go, Hanguang-jun? I don't want to blame you, but you really shouldn't make a mess and then leave.

[taciturnly]

( he trusts his brother, if nothing else. and chifeng-zun, who has a thousand reasons to loathe jin guangyao, probably. or more. it’s a lost battle, and still lan wangji demanded, atone, only to be told that… what, he’d think about it? there is no time for consideration, only time to repent, now, and even though jin guangyao doesn’t comply, agree or sympathize, lan wangji has made his stance known, and it’s all that matters.

for now.

normally, he would just leave. cast him one last glare and be on his merry (!) way. instead he stares a little longer, deadpan as ever. ) I will take your words into consideration. ( and maybe next time he’ll make a bigger mess. until then, lan wangji breezes past him, possibly even more perturbed than he was before his encounter with lianfang-zun. why can't anything ever be simple? )