It hurts to hear him say that he made Jin Guangyao happy. It should be a balm, something to feel good about, but Lan Xichen takes in a sting with that warmth. He made Jin Guangyao happy at one point, but it was not enough, and it isn't the kind of happiness he really wants. Which is also something he really should not be considering at this point.
Lan Xichen dries his eyes with his sleeve, breathing deeply and settling his heart as much as he can before lifting his head. It isn't like he is the first person to ever know rejection, after all. And Jin Guangyao has at least generously offered him a way to salvage some of his pride. He might claim to be someone completely different when the fear strikes, but that still reminds Lan Xichen of the kindness he was shown in the past.
"I am glad to hear you say that. Even if I can no longer provide you with that same happiness in this condition, I hope that you will still gain something from this. I would like to remain with you anyway, as long as you don't object. It should at least be easier than finding someone new at this point."
And, seeing a certain stress line appear on Jin Guangyao's face--one he's only recently even become familiar with--Lan Xichen smiles gently.
"Of course I don't doubt it. I'm just sorry that I have fallen short of your expectations. I find that is growing into a habit lately, so I can't offer much excuse. I... must have become a stranger to many people. Please try to overlook it anyway. I don't know why I'm like this."
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Lan Xichen dries his eyes with his sleeve, breathing deeply and settling his heart as much as he can before lifting his head. It isn't like he is the first person to ever know rejection, after all. And Jin Guangyao has at least generously offered him a way to salvage some of his pride. He might claim to be someone completely different when the fear strikes, but that still reminds Lan Xichen of the kindness he was shown in the past.
"I am glad to hear you say that. Even if I can no longer provide you with that same happiness in this condition, I hope that you will still gain something from this. I would like to remain with you anyway, as long as you don't object. It should at least be easier than finding someone new at this point."
And, seeing a certain stress line appear on Jin Guangyao's face--one he's only recently even become familiar with--Lan Xichen smiles gently.
"Of course I don't doubt it. I'm just sorry that I have fallen short of your expectations. I find that is growing into a habit lately, so I can't offer much excuse. I... must have become a stranger to many people. Please try to overlook it anyway. I don't know why I'm like this."