middaeg | [open] you got me acting like the old me

Entry tags:

mdzs: nie mingjue

[open] you got me acting like the old me

Who: Nie Mingjue & OPEN
When: All month
Where: Around Aef, and in the dream
What: Full moon shenanigans, a pirate's life quest, and memory share stuff
Warnings: Memories contain violence and possibly a bit of gore.

i. Full Moons - The Apothecary
[With the twin moons of Aefenglom high in the sky at night, Nie Mingjue finds himself more irritable than usual. At first it's hard to pin on the lunar cycle - he has plenty of things to be irritable about at the moment, thank you. But eventually, the irritation grows, along with an itch beneath his skin, one that does not wholly come as a surprise after the dream of the caverns, where he had borne gunmetal scales crawling down his neck and shoulders.

His heavy robes hide the changes when he steps out one evening. The beginnings of fur and scales, coming in in patches across his shoulders, shoulder blades, sides, and the outsides of his upper arms, are a constant irritant themselves on top of everything else. Orange, black and gunmetal grey, turning his human skin something else. The first indication that he is becoming something else.

He's restless when he leaves the place he's been staying, restless and itchy and ready to snap, an all-too-familiar feeling he thought he had escaped when Baxia was fully divested of her saber spirit. Saber on his back, robes pristinely arranged to cover the impression of tiger stripes climbing up his shoulders toward his neck, Nie Mingjue finds an apothecary shop with single-minded determination. Maybe you catch him browsing the shelves, or maybe you catch him talking to the shop keep in a low, somewhat strained but still polite voice,] I require something to induce sleep, and- as well, to ease itching... No, something stronger than that, I think.

ii. Full Moons - The Bar
[After a semi-productive trip to the apothecary with a couple of vials of potions tucked into a pouch in his sleeve, he decides his next stop before returning home will be a bar. It's a nicer one, but still the atmosphere is tense when he enters, full of monsters perhaps also feeling the effects of the moons, and humans who keep giving them wary glances.

Nie Mingjue takes a seat at the bar, and orders liquor. He doesn't care what kind. The human bartender slides a bottle across the bartop along with a small cup, and when Mingjue holds out payment, his sleeve happens to ride up a bit, showing off where impressed on his skin grayish crocodile scales bleed into striped, peach-fuzz fur.

The bartender's expression changes then, and he makes a sign with his free hand, consciously and obviously, as if he's been burned, pulling away where he brushed Mingjue taking his money.

The tall man's eyes narrow as his fingers curl around the small glass cup.] What was that signal? Do we have a problem?

It's to ward off bad luck. We don't get your kind in here normally.

My kind? [Well. This could go badly.]

iii. A Pirate's Life
[A paid job, a few days outside of the city, and a threat he is legally allowed to and morally obligated to kill all sounds like a fine time to Nie Mingjue. The fact that this job is on a ship on open water is less so - he's from the north, from Qinghe and her mountainous terrain, and he's powering through seasickness from sheer determination. A battlefield is a battlefield, even if he wishes said battlefield was a little more stationary.

So during a trip over to Dorchacht on the Sappheral he can be found on the deck, at the railing, Baxia strapped to his back and glinting in the sunlight as he scans the open water, the slightest of green tinges to his face. He is resolutely ignoring another wave of seasickness in favor of searching for signs of the wild Merrow the captain had mentioned.] According to the captain's maps, this is around the spot where the attacks occur most frequently. Keep your wits about you. [It might be obvious that Nie Mingjue is itching for a fight now.]

iv. The Looking Glass House
[Another dream. It must be, because it feels similar to the caverns, except this time he recognizes the grounds as the Coven, and the pull toward the Looking Glass House. It's familiar enough - he was only here at the beginning of the month, a disastrous entry into this new world and then a short stay in the infirmary to heal. He aches a little just thinking about how sore he had been afterward. Stepping into the halls of mirrors, he finds that most of them look the same as they ever did - save for some bearing silvery glass that ripples when he reaches out to touch with calloused fingertips.

His own is easy for him to find. The frame bears the horned beast head of his clan, engravings of sabers and horses and mountains. It represents home, doesn't it? He tries not to hurt, when his fingertips trace over a single fan, engraved in the corner.]

[ooc: actual memory prompts in details tags to save length!]

a. Childhood

[The Unclean Realm is sunny, the courtyard open and nearly empty, a crisp mountainous breeze fluttering through the space. Two children in fine robes are in the center of the courtyard, the elder methodically going through sword forms with a saber that almost seems too big for him. The smaller, in white, some distance away, giggles as he clumsily copies his older brother with a stick in his tiny hands. It doesn't take long before Huaisang runs at his brother, waving the stick, and Mingjue laughs as well, dropping his saber to play with the littler boy.

Anyone who knew him as an adult might be surprised that once upon a time, there were things he thought more important than training with his blade, than fighting for justice. Once, he wanted to play with his little brother, and make him smile.

Adult Nie Mingjue stands at the edge of the courtyard, watching the scene unfold, his hands clenched at his sides, some unreadable emotion on his face. Seeing Huaisang again, even like this, an echo of how they used to be, makes his heart tighten. It's too precious a scene; if he spots you intruding, he might move to block your view.] You should not be here.

b. Nightless City (cw: violence and a bit of gore to come)

[Nightless City. The Den of the Wen-dogs. Nie Mingjue hadn't seen this place in a while, and hovering at the outskirts of the throne room, his expression is set in a scowl. Another version of him, a little younger, but just as angry and heavily injured, is clearly being held captive, flanked by his fellow cultivators. The one who comes down to speak to him is none other than Jin Guangyao, and the confrontation is tense.

“Do you still think you’re the king of Hejian? Look carefully—this is Sun Palace.”

Another cultivator, “Sun Palace? It’s only the den of the Wen-dogs!”

Two of Nie Mingjue's men die to Meng Yao's - not yet then Jin Guangyao - sword, and Mingjue is furious, resigned, unafraid. He expects to meet his death here.

The current-day version of him is trembling slightly with remembered rage, an echo of what he felt back then, watching Meng Yao bring forth his saber, Baxia, remembering the taunts to come. The scene plays out but Nie Mingjue turns to leave - and once he spots someone else, he roars,] Get out!

c. Regret

[Is it any wonder that the mirror keeps showing him memories of Jin Guangyao, of Huaisang? The two people on Nie Mingjue's mind the most lately, for vastly different reasons. A slightly younger Mingjue is yelling at Huaisang, his voice a commanding, furious roar-

"Where is your saber?!"
“In… in my room. No, in the school grounds. No, let me… think…”
"You bring a dozen fans with you wherever you go, yet you don’t even know where your own saber is?!"
"I'll go find it right now!"
“There’s no need! Even if you find it you won’t get anything out of it. Go burn all of these!”

Huaisang is visibly cowering from his brother. This was about the time Mingjue's temper was just beginning to grow worse, the reason for Jin Guangyao attending him to play Song of Clarity. It was a mistake to let him, things got so much worse... Watching from the wings, current-day Mingjue can feel himself tensing when Jin Guangyao shows up in the memory again, to say that he gifted all those useless, pretty fans to Huaisang. His past self's anger turns to Jin Guangyao, taking the heat off Huaisang, who clutches, frightened, at a dozen ornate fans.

The short man in gold pleads Huaisang's case, trying to convince Mingjue that his hobbies are elegant and refined, but Nie Mingjue does not hear it.

“But sect leaders have no need for such things.”
“I’m not going to be a sect leader, though. You can be it, Brother. I’m not doing it!”

It's this line that brings tears to current-day Mingjue's eyes, frustrated and sorrowful - guilty. Not for this particular outburst, but for the ones that will happen later, when he will be so gone as to follow through with his blustery threats.]

I never told him why I was so hard on him all the time.

[If you want to do anything else, just hit me up at

nekky

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[lan zhan has been in bed for hours, but wei wuxian just can't make himself fall asleep when the night is still (for him) so young. the moons make him extra restless, so he slipped out for a drink or two to help.

he chose this bar because it's nicer than most of the ones he visits, so maybe there'll be less trouble for him to get into. bold of him to assume.]

Ah, bartender, bartender. You're too close-minded. Haven't you heard that my kind bring luck? [wei wuxian's rolled his sleeves up to the elbows to show his white fur, just in case the golden eyes aren't enough of a giveaway. he leans against the counter, staring at the man across from it.] So that actually makes you lucky that he brought me here tonight. Right?

[he scratches the countertop lightly until he spots a bottle of something he likes behind the tender.]

I'll take that one.

[Ah to be changing and restless. Nie Mingjue is experiencing much the same, a sort of itch beneath his skin (separate from his actual itching, which is slowly driving him into another qi deviation) that won't let him sleep.

He just wanted a drink too, and here they are.

The bartender rolls his eyes at the speech, turning back to retrieve the mentioned bottle and set it in front of Wei Wuxian.] Not your kind, we ain't no anti-Monster bar. His kind, chimeras. They're bad luck. Everyone knows it even if some folk are too polite to say so.

[Nie Mingjue's hand tightens around the glass until it cracks into three large pieces there on top of the bar; the pain of a shallow slice is a welcome distraction from how much he wants to hop over the counter and strike.] If you keep talking, I will certainly show you bad luck.

His money didn't seem that unlucky.

[it wouldn't matter if the monster that he was talking about was someone wei wuxian personally knew or not, he doesn't like his attitude. and while he can't blame nie mingjue for wanting to knock it along with the bartender's head off his shoulders, that's definitely going to cause even more problems for the larger man.]

Ey, Chifeng-zun, let's not waste our time here. There's better bars than this.

[he places a hand on his arm. being the voice of reason, not wei wuxian's strong point.]

[He's got nothing but problems these days, it seems like. What's one more? But without the saber spirit wearing him down mentally, he's a little more stable, a little less likely to fly off the handle at the slightest things. Not that the full moons are helping with that stability at all. He can feel them like an itch under his skin. And this is only his first - what's going to happen next month? The month after?

His expression is sour as he wraps his fingers around the neck of the bottle he had already purchased, because damn it, he's getting his drink, and he slides off the stool, shrugging off the light touch to his arm. Not because it's Wei Wuxian, but because he has a lot of sudden sensitive patches of skin that are growing soft baby fur, and it's strange to have other people touch them, even through heavy fabric.]

Very well. Another bar. [Though he does cast a look back at the bartender, shaking the bottle by the neck at him like he's scolding a child.] Treat paying customers poorly and bad luck will befall your business, but that has nothing to do with me or my kind.

[he remembers getting used to his own fur. the way it made him sweat underneath his robes. the way he decided that he'd just have to sweat, because he was determined to keep it hidden underneath them. he remembers showing it to lan zhan for the first time too, and feeling ashamed of his body for the first time ever in his life. but then being reassured by his reaction. wei ying is wei ying, and nie mingjue is nie minjue too. so he doesn't leave without giving the bartender a piece of his mind, fierce but fair the way the man was always known to be.

wei wuxian scowls at the bartender, curling his lip and turning away slowly. but his expression softens once they're actually outside. scorn is a feeling that he's all too familiar with, and while neither of them is a man who gets his feelings hurt easily-

it still sucks.]

People always need someone to hate. Some way of feeling better about themselves. [he's worried about being a puca before, sort of weak and plain compared to other monsters. because of that, he's wondered if he's looked down upon here too. but he hasn't been treated like that.] If it wasn't you, it would be someone else. I think that's just the way people are, but it doesn't make it fair.

[but maybe chifeng-zun won't take it personally.]

[Mingjue is somewhat in the same boat, although he's got the addition of dry, itchy patches of crocodile skin showing up as well alongside the fur. He's less ashamed of his appearance and more annoyed by its presence, though. The itch is slowly driving him mad, and he wishes it would either come in all at once or not come in at all. Patience was never really his forte.

Heading out, the night air grants a little more clarity, and the stiff line of his shoulders relaxes just a fraction. He uncaps the bottle and takes a swig, uncaring about appearance, and lets the burn of it bring a little further calm.

He's also not sure how to feel about Wei Wuxian trying to - what, comfort him? Make him feel better? He's never needed this from anyone before but he supposes the attempt is well-intentioned. Nie Mingjue passes over the liquor bottle.] A man who must judge others by the circumstances of their birth - or their unwanted changes - is a man who will remain mired in his own flaws. Hardly worth our time.

[He falls into stony silence for a moment, and then adds,] Thank you for your intervention. I am still unused to the idea that I must forge a reputation anew here.

[he should've just taken his bottle of alcohol, paid for or not. it's the least that that man deserved. but it likely would've just led to a bigger mess.

so he's grateful when nie mingjue offers him his. he takes a drink from it with an appreciative sigh.]

Yeah. I hope the next person that he judges kicks his ass. [wei wuxian chuckles, never quite as dignified or as diplomatic as the gentry.] I'm sure you're not alone there. [another drink before he passes the alcohol back to him.] I mean, it must be hard for Lan Zhan and Zewu-jun too. Me, I was happy for the chance.

[he admits that part a little softer as he looks up at the sky. the reputation that he had wasn't worth bringing with him.]

[It's alright. They can share. They don't need one each, that could be a disaster. Nie Mingjue takes a smaller sip when it's passed back, hands it back off to Wei Wuxian as they walk. It's a situation he never once thought he'd be in, but that seems like a lifetime ago he thought that. That's what Lan Xichen keeps saying, isn't it? A second chance at a different, better life.

Well, he isn't sure about better, not with Jin Guangyao around, but...

He grunts out a wordless agreement. The shopkeep will get what's coming to him eventually. Fate will pass judgement.] The Twin Jades of Lan will have little trouble forming sound reputations here, I imagine. [Even if they've disagreed somewhat recently, Nie Mingjue respects Lan Xichen, and certainly has respect for his younger brother. He sends a sideways glance at Wei Wuxian, then looks back ahead, pausing.]

I died like an enraged beast, and my body was dismembered. I cannot imagine what they must have said about me after. [His father had died enraged as well, but at least he'd gotten to do so in private.] This place is very different to our world. I think you will be fine. Me, I must... be wary of missteps.

[wei wuxian always needs no less than two drinks, he can't even share with himself. but given the state of the night, twin moons and everything else, it's probably for the best that he can't overindulge.

oh, he still takes another drink when it's passed back to him. but it's held at what nie mingjue says next, eventually swallowed hard. he didn't know all the horrible details about the older man's death. it saddens him to hear it now, to know that he got tangled up in things too, but without the chance to clear his own name.]

...Necromancy is just as taboo here. But I still saw the benefits of using it. My cultivation. I even spoke to another necromancer, I was going to convince Lan Zhan to look into using it on my behalf. [he had been like that boy taking lessons at cloud recesses again, seeing potential instead of the forbidden.] And then a few weeks ago, I saw them, and the horrible things that they were doing.

[necromancers doing things that people probably imagined the yiling patriarch doing. things that he came close to.

he exhales heavily.]

That's when I started worrying about bringing shame to Lan Zhan. We're Bonded. If I go down a bad path, I take him with me, even more than I did before. So I can't afford to relax either, Chifeng-zun.

Maybe we can help each other.

[Two Monsters strolling under the full moons, passing a bottle back and forth, at least no one pays them any attention. Small favors. He isn't sure he could cope with this... odd (but not necessarily unpleasant) situation with curious or scornful onlookers in the mix.

He exhales a heavy breath as he listens, brow furrowing deeper at the mention of his necromancy. His dark tricks helped win the Sunshot Campaign, sure, but they also stirred up fear, resentment, trouble that led to more trouble.] You went down a dark road. [He says, as neutrally as possible, which still manages to sound disapproving. Nie Mingjue has never even cared for mundane trickery though, so it should likely come as no surprise.

Still, that he seems to have gotten off that idea... That's a good thing. That is something he does approve of. And... He glances briefly to the side.] Maybe we can.

I imagine Lan Wangji will stand by you no matter what, but it is noble to want to ensure he can stand by you in peace. [They certainly do not need to be messing around in necromancy and things like that.] If you work hard and do the right thing, your detractors will have nothing to use against you. [His lip curls.] Except perhaps those like Jin Guangyao, who twist the truth to their liking.

[Yeah that'd be why Nie Mingjue has to be careful.]

[he thinks that nie mingjue is probably right about that - and that's the part that terrifies him. lan wangji already bears so many scars for his sake. too many.

he turns his head at that name, but also the way his voice sounds when he says it. wei wuxian's last memories of meng yao - jin guangyao, weren't totally unfavorable. besides the fact that he was a jin and they suck by default. but something more obviously happened.]

Will you tell me what happened with him? My memories stop just after he'd been brought back into the Jin clan.

[he's not breaking his promise to lan zhan. he's still staying away from him. for now.]

[He shoots the younger man a sideways look, eyebrows lifting.] I am surprised you haven't heard. From what I was told, you and Wangji were the ones who followed his trail and eventually exposed his crimes. [He never got the details about Wei Wuxian's resurrection but the world's a funny place. Surely someone's told him about that already, at least. Informing him about a danger that still walks among them? That Nie Mingjue can do.]

I still don't have all the details, I think. My discussion with Lan Xichen was anything but calm. [They're never going to see eye to eye here.] I guarantee he was plotting from the moment he took the Jin name, though. He hungered for any scrap of glory he could take, any bit of power.

Lan Xichen used to play the Song of Clarity for me, to... calm the effects of the saber spirit. Jin Guangyao convinced him - us - that he could do so just as well. He altered the song with forbidden Lan tecniques and drove me into an early deviation. Then he dismembered my corpse and hid the parts across the land, keeping my head in his trophy room. I understand I was put back together as a fierce corpse and eventually snapped his neck. [His expression sours into a scowl, but he keeps his gaze straight ahead, with no target for his anger present.]

And now he is here.

[he knows the means by which he was brought back. he even knows that he and lan wangji were there at jin guangyao's downfall. but lan zhan had obviously expected that to be that, had not thought that jin guangyao would also come back from the dead. it had shaken him.]

He lived at Qinghe for so long...

[it's still hard for him to understand. the nie brothers were fair to him, that much he's sure of. how much different was it from the way he was taken in at lotus pier? is power really worth that much betrayal? he shakes his head.]

Lan Zhan is worried that he'll come for revenge. Do you think he'll try it too?

[It had shaken them all, really. Nie Mingjue still wonders why the fates determined that little weasel deserving of a new life and a new land to terrorize.] Qinghe was only a stepping stone for him, apparently. [And he trampled right over Nie Mingjue's trust to get ahead.]

Mm. I believe he may, if he gets the opportunity. [He doesn't trust him in the slightest now.] We stand in the way of him being able to fool others here into thinking he's a good person. We also cannot be manipulated by him again, knowing what he is.

He is still fearful and flees when he spots me. He would not be so terrified, if he had nothing to hide.

[well, those last words just sum it up, don't they. it certainly doesn't make it seem like jin guangyao is interested in turning over a new leaf here. he's so lost in thought that he nearly passes up the bar that he was going to take him too, having forgotten that that was the point of their late little stroll.

it's more crowded than the other place. but they toss around fewer dirty looks. wei wuxian gets another bottle for each of them.]

I wonder if he's still turning into a snake. [he'd seen him once, briefly. wei wuxian can't resist a little grin.] It's almost like something has a sense of humor. It's too perfect.

[Nie Mingjue definitely doesn't think he is. Jin Guangyao has never been content with what he had, always wanting more, and he has no reason to believe he won't be the same here, trying to wriggle his way into some kind of power. And his quests for power and recognition usually leave a body count.

He curls his hand around the neck of a bottle, showing no signs of discomfort in the crowd. It isn't quite as nice a place but Nie Mingjue was most at home on a battlefield anyway, having little care for luxuries.] He cannot escape the kind of person he became even here. [He agrees with an approving nod.] And I do not believe he will change. I worry about Lan Xichen refusing to see that.

Wangji will look after his brother, yes?

Lan Zhan will look out for anyone that he cares about and protect them with his life. He won't be discouraged.

[wei wuxian knows this firsthand. anyone who stands by the yiling patriarch is as steadfast as they come.]

If Jin Guangyao values his next breath, he won't endanger Zewu-jun. I can dig a grave for him in record time. The benefits of being a puca are finally adding up.

[he smirks before he takes another drink.]

Good. Maybe eventually he will listen to his brother, because he certainly will not listen to me on this matter. [Which... kind of fair. Jin Guangyao and Nie Mingjue hate each other with the burning fire of a thousand hells.

He tips the bottle in a toast and takes a drink himself.] You both have my support as well, should you need it. I do not need a golden core to swing a saber.

Every so often, Jin Guangyao feels the need to check the Looking-Glass House and ask, very nicely, if anyone has come through recently. For as much as he's distracted by the whole terrible process of becoming a monster, there is a certain other Nie brother that he rather hopes falls through the mirrors into this world one of these days.

He's given up and just cut the seam at the back of his pants enough for his tail to poke through; it's still terrible, but it seems almost like the thing is still growing. Although there's a few other options still on the table, perhaps, he's seen a few nagas around the city and has at least one idea where things could be heading... and about just how long that tail is going to become eventually.

For now it doesn't really stick out beneath his robe, at least, only golden-yellow snake eyes marring his otherwise human appearance as he opens the door and sees Nie Mingjue. Jin Guangyao freezes in place for a moment.

Nie Mingjue is not here to check the Looking Glass House, even though some part of him wants to find his younger brother tumbling out of a mirror some day. He's already asked, though; apparently arrivals do not happen so often. Maybe it's for the best. With an armful of regrets of his past life, he isn't sure what lengths he would go to to keep Nie Huaisang safe in the same city as Jin Guangyao. No, today he's here to seek the assistance of a senior Witch of the Coven for knowledge about his options as a newly-changing Monster, ever concerned about the full moons and potentially losing himself again. He's leaving her office now with a short book on accepting changes and a recommendation for some different plants that might help to ease any aggression he might feel when he spots the man coming out of the mirror house.

When his eyes meet Jin Guangyao's his pupils dilate for a moment, rather like a cat's, seized by the far-off urge to chase, but he regains control remarkably quickly. It's hard not to notice the serpentine glow of his sworn brother's new eyes, just as it is probably hard not to notice the edge of tiger stripe patterning creeping up the sides of his neck, dark on his tanned skin. His own robes hide the rest of the patchiness his skin has taken on.

Nie Mingjue draws himself up to his full height unconsciously, his gaze narrowing. "Going to bolt like a scared rabbit again?" He asks, the tone almost conversational, if not for the icy threads beneath.

Actually, he was seriously considering it. He's had a good few more days since their last run-in, but he didn't need Nie Mingjue in his life before and he certainly doesn't now. It had been more comfortable having him around as a severed head.

But it's at least enough time to regain slightly more composure -- the cracks in the pleasant demeanour aren't that deep under the surface though, not entirely obscured from those that know better. He's definitely not going to let Mingjue get close enough to grab him this time either.

"That's shouldn't be necessary. Should it? I see your monstrous aspects are starting to appear. Please don't take this the wrong way. I wouldn't want to antagonize you. May I say that it suits you?" he says pleasantly, recalling Lan Xichen's half-assed promises of safety 'as long as'.

While there is still a small part of Nie Mingjue that wishes things had been different, he's of the same opinion - he doesn't need Jin Guangyao in his life now, and he certainly didn't need him before. (Maybe he would have lived, if he'd cast him out of his life entirely rather than believe a set of vows.)

Also, he knows about the head thing now.

Nie Mingjue doesn't try to get closer, if only because he doesn't entirely trust himself not to reach for that skinny neck again, wrap it up in his fist to crush his trachea. He told Xichen he wouldn't, but more importantly, he decided himself that such an action would be wrong, would make him the aggressor and not merely the one under attack.

"It was starting to become a pattern with you." His eyebrows lift. While he isn't enraged - yet - his voice always has that stern note, that underlying disapproval. "I can see yours are emerging as well. A serpent, then?" Well, serpentine eyes could also mean dragon, from what he understands, but Jin Guangyao is not so noble a beast. He's just hazarding a guess. And, refusing to be offended by the mention of his own changes, he continues, "At least this world can see our true natures."

At least his tiger stripes mark him as the king of all animals. There are worse creatures to bear the marks of. Or so he keeps telling himself.

Worse creatures, like, say, a snake, so there might be a small amount of projection when Jin Guangyao decided to call attention to their 'revised' features.

"Indeed, a couple of monsters," he replies, hate tempered enough by fear still that the much more antagonistic words in his thoughts are unspoken. "At least my kind isn't so poorly looked upon." The insult of being called a snake seems to hardly apply here; Jin Guangyao feels like of the few monsters he's seen in the more aristocratic areas, most have been nagas. Which is still not much comfort in this whole transformation ordeal, but at least a single thing to hold against Nie Mingjue.

"Maybe it is only what we deserve." He's seen how miserable Xichen is at their continued strife. They dragged their brother to hell with them, except he still remains apart, lingering in the living world while their spirits claw at each other for a hundred years. There is no way he can let go of his anger so easily to rectify this, in this new life, but he can admit to his own faults. Sometimes.

His eyes narrow. Has he seen a flash of crocodile skin, rough and grey, accompanying the tiger fur? Does he know that Nie Mingjue is a chimera and not a tiger-based turnskin? "A boon for all. You always cared too much for how others see you." His hard tone implies that he cares little about his own image in others' eyes; it's the truth, for the most part, even if it had thrown him, being referred to as 'bad luck' once in a bar. "I would hate to see natives turn up dead because they have offended you."

"As soon as anything happens to someone I've spoken to even once, I would be the first suspect in anyone's eyes," he says practically, and even if you can't really narrow your eyes without eyelids, he does a reasonable attempt. "The cause of your death, and many other things are no secret any longer. Even if I wished to live that kind of life still, do you think I'd be so foolish as to even consider it?"

"Would they be wrong to suspect you?" Yeah he's not going to feel sympathy for Jin Guangyao in that regard. Or any regard right now, with the new knowledge of things that happened knocking around in his brain like the discordant notes of the Song of Turmoil. "Your past actions speak to your character."

His gaze roves over the top of his head, back toward the Looking-Glass House, clearly wondering just what he was doing in there, before it settles on his face again. His own is hard as Nie steel. "I do not know what you would be foolish enough to consider. I never really knew you at all." He can't imagine anyone, even Lan Xichen, truly knows Jin Guangyao. And if that skirts a little too close to the truth of a hidden wound, carried still, his expression doesn't show it.

"Why are you here, of all places? Not because you hope the mirror will swallow you back up again."

To be fair to Jin Guangyao, it's been years by his time, and while he knows of course that Mingjue was dead well before a good number of additional crimes occurred... the confrontation in the temple is a lot fresher in his mind, along with begging for mercy from other familar faces for all those things.

"Indulging my curiosity. Wei Wuxian is from a rather different time than the rest of us. I wondered if there were clues in the mirrors themselves, or others around that might be able to offer an explanation." Not at all, but it's a reasonable lie.

He can retreat but he'd have to get dangerously close (in other words a large distance) to Nie Mingjue to leave properly, and he feels like asking nicely is only going to make him uncooperative out of orneriness.

"Please don't let me keep you from your other business, brother," he adds, still not moving to leave himself yet.

Maybe that's part of the problem for Nie Mingjue. He was left in the past, an afterthought, unable to get over things that happened years ago to Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen. They both - they all - went on without him, and he isn't sure that he can catch up. Does Wei Wuxian feel the same way? They have a few more things in common than Mingjue originally thought. His perspective is changing in some ways, at least.

Still, changing his perspective on the man in front of him is going to take a lot more time. Things are much more personal. (Jin Guangyao kept his head in his trophy room. Was it only convenient? Does it mean something? Why bother, when Nie Mingjue was dead already? These thoughts keep him awake at night.)

The furrow between his brows only grows at the mention of Wei Wuxian. "Hoping to keep others from arriving with knowledge of what you are? Or are you plotting something yet again?"

He stays where he is, planted like an ancient pine, solid. "My business is concluded already. Not interested in conversation?" What are you hiding now?

That opens up a bit of a sore point at this exact point in time, considering how Lan Xichen keeps flinching, acting is a way that says he hasn't truly been able to overcome the past.

"Is there anything I could say that you wouldn't think to be suspicious? I could tell you the sky is blue and you'd look to see if it had changed," he replies in turn, nothing truly pleasant about his expression any more. "What words do we have left to speak, when even before your death you didn't care to hear any of them?"

"You have given me no reason to trust a word you say," he replies, stone-faced. "You had a hidden agenda the entire time we knew one another. You had my trust once, but you have only abused it." His eyes narrow, and something about his posture almost lends the image of his ears laying back in irritation - even though he still has human ears, at the moment.

"You told me you would give me Xue Yang's head, and you kept mine in your trophy room instead. You told me you would play Clarity to ease my condition and poisoned my mind instead. Have you ever told me the truth about anything?" Jin Guangyao does not get to act as if he is the one who has been wronged here, in Nie Mingjue's eyes. How can he say such things with a straight face?

"I still don't care to hear your lies, but if you wish to speak truths for a change, I will hear those."

Someone's been telling stories, it seems.

"Would you? I'm afraid there aren't so many stairs in the Looking-Glass House to kick me down for daring to speak truth." He's not going to mention the other thing. Nie Mingjue knows what he said.

His tail coils around one leg under the robes; he has enough courage (or is it simply unfettered hate?) to say these things, but the urge to run is still strong.

Oh yes. He heard some things. Salt on the wound, honestly. Insult to injury. He has been told he should let go, for his own sake, but that's turning out to be hard when he keeps running into this man.

His eyes narrow at the mention of stairs. Is that why he planned out Nie Mingjue's death and dismemberment? "Did you kill me for personal slight, or at your father's behest?" He honestly doesn't know which at this point, since he and Jin Guangshan had very publicly not been getting along (over Jin Guangshan's defense of a mass murderer), though he leans toward personal slight. That's how Meng Yao was, right? Willing to kill over insult and a handful of glory.

But... with his rage no longer fogging his mind and disrupting his meridians, perhaps he does see, just a bit, how it was wrong to humiliate and harm him the way his father once did. It had festered in his chest for a long time, when Meng Yao had taunted him with his own father's death in Wen Ruohan's hall, after all, and isn't that exactly what he did to the man in front of him?

It's still a mental debate if he wants to admit it or not, though.

"Does it matter how much it was of one or the other?" Jin Guangyao replies flatly. Although not many would believe it, he has a number of regrets, among them so many of the things he did to try to please his father, both asked for and not.

"How do you feel to know that he died a few years after you did, I wonder?" The implication is obvious, even if not so clearly spoken. The final turning point for Jin Guangyao had been so completely and utterly personal, that was true... and of course the method quite unspeakable. He doubts anyone here would repeat it, but if someone is telling Nie Mingjue other details, he might as well address some of them on his own terms. "I think few people felt any loss. He was a disgusting man. But I suppose you'll decry even that, won't you?"

"No, but I have always found it better to put the truth out than to stew on lies and what-ifs." It won't change anything, but maybe it will make it easier to move past, if he knows why. If he knows what triggered him to carry out such a terrible plot against him. Or maybe it will just make him angry, because whatever it was, it is also the reason his younger brother suffered.

His eyebrows lift at the news. Xichen never mentioned Jin Guangshan dying. "So you even killed your own father. He was a vile man, but I thought you only desired his approval." He can't condone patricide but also he won't mourn for Jin Guangshan. "Or did you desire his position more?"

Nie Mingjue's eyes narrow. "All the people you betrayed and hurt, was it even worth it in the end? We're still rotting together."

Even Jin Guangyao isn't so incapable of self-reflection that he can't see, years down the line, how much Mingjue's murder was as much about his father as for him. They might be sworn brothers, but there was too much of a father figure aura about Mingjue. Yet the insult to him had been real enough, and the hatred still lingered on, in spite of that recognition. Would he still have killed him, without the influence of his father, in one way or another? It was too hard for even Jin Guangyao to say. Nie Mingjue may want straightforward answers, but as always the truth is too ugly for that, twisted and bent, coming from all directions.

"It wouldn't have been possible to obtain his approval any more than it was to have yours," he shrugs, smiling a little once again. "Can you even believe that I've felt regret? No, never mind. It's a useless question to ask."

"I feel quite alive, brother. Whatever others may have seen, in some other place, I'm not going to let myself rot, especially with the likes of you."

~~He's not your real dad wow.~~ "You had my approval, until you killed that man, ambushed me, and left to play the spy in Qishan," he admits, eyes narrowing a little. "You threw it away for something your father was never going to give you." And maybe he's still a little bitter about that, about feeling abandoned and betrayed by someone he had actually once trusted and liked. He does not let many people in.

His voice drops a little, something more honest in it. "Have you felt regret?" And maybe that feels more important than anything. Has he felt any remorse for what happened? Any at all?

"If we continue like this, we will rot here as well."

It's fine, we're all feeling betrayed here. He'd respected Nie Mingjue at one time too, for giving him a chance when others wouldn't. It had only been later that a different kind of judgemental mentality was cast against him.

"Of course I do. But you won't believe it when I say so, so what's the point of it?" If Nie Mingjue chooses to interpret that as regret for killing him... no, that part isn't really true so much. Jin Guangyao doesn't feel like reliving old arguments; he'd killed to save Nie Mingjue's life too, and was nearly murdered in return for it, abused when he questioned his 'standards'! The rise of those old emotions is clear, only just holding back a futile outburst.

"So what will you do? I can't imagine the great and moral Chifeng-zun changing for anything or anyone."

Their time in the world of the properly living was just one betrayal, murder, or insult after another, on both sides. Lan Xichen did not have them completely wrong, though he still disagrees with their middle brother quite often about a fair few things.

"I wish I could believe you." He wants to, but he also will not be fooled again. That would be too dangerous, would only lead to more betrayal and possibly murder and definitely insults. They don't know how to interact with each other without those things anymore.

He huffs. "I can't imagine you changing either." So. They've reached a stalemate. "What will I do? Live. I do not need to compromise my morals to do so." What's done is done, regarding everything in the past. A life for a life. That price is already paid. "What will you do?"

"I promised our brother that I would put the past behind me. You've already forced me to break that promise once; are you going to claim there was anything else I could have done, when you dragged me into an alley to force a confession? Should I have fought against you harder, or cried out for help?" As always, so easy for Mingjue to speak of morals without considering the circumstances of those around him. He stares back at the other man flatly. "Even if I have no choice and I'm forced into what I never wanted to do, I'll still live too, this time."

He survived that first real encounter, somehow, just barely. And although few things are so precious they can't be used or discarded when need be, Jin Guangyao's life is the most valuable thing he has once more.

"You would have run like a thief in the night." No, he doesn't really regret that. "I deserved to know what happened after you killed me." It wasn't like Lan Xichen was going to tell him on his own, he thinks bitterly. No, that information was withheld until he demanded it, to give Jin Guangyao more time to not face the consequences of his actions. "You can't pretend you never hurt other people around you. That isn't putting it behind you, it is running away."

He draws himself up slightly taller, deciding that he will show this man what it means to walk the righteous path. Nie Mingjue, clear-headed and free of his muddled qi, can be better, he thinks. "I hurt you as well. I regret that."

Is that it? You threatened to kill me more than once, kicked me down the stairs and called me what nearly everyone had, and that's all? Jin Guangyao can only think bitterly, his stare unchanging.

"What is it you think I should do then," he replies, clearly unimpressed with Nie Mingjue's sentiment. "There are no apologies or excuses for everything, in anyone's eyes. You've even said yourself you don't believe me. You'll fault me for wanting a chance at a clean slate too, but it's impossible to do anything about the old."

That's all he'll offer without concessions being made to him in turn. He's never been very good at negotiating - he's too rigid, too stiff, too unwilling to bend for someone else. If Jin Guangyao does not want to accept it, then he doesn't have to, but Nie Mingjue will not debase himself offering more.

"No, we cannot change what happened, just like we cannot go without seeing each other's face ever again," he says, half a growl, and the last part is an irritant; it's a big city, but they're both Mirrorbound, and the simple fact of the matter is, there are places where Mirrorbound needs must congregate at times. Like now, at the Coven. "So what will we do about that? I don't believe your remorse and you clearly do not believe mine."

"So long as you're willing to leave me be, I can only do the same. Unless you'd care to make some other pronouncement, since assuredly you won't believe even that." Jin Guangyao says flatly. At least it would mean no more running or going far out of his way. If an opportunity presents itself, that's another issue, but for now, as weak and bereft of everything he had in his past life... it feels like anything he could bring to bear would be a long time in coming.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[open] you got me acting like the old me

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#wildcard! What if this was why JGY didn't get to many mirrors during the event though lmao

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