[open] i really don't care about nothing at all but i think the world of you

[incinerating]

Who: Emil Västerström and whoever!
When: During the "Dream A Little Dream" event and/or other times in the month.
Where: Emil's memories, or wherever else
What: Memory sharing and catch-all for any other random threads.
Warnings: animal suffering mutation/violence and death, gun and knife violence, general body horror via infection/rot/mutation



Prompts in comments.

I will post a couple of starters with various 'phases' or parts of the memory sequence, since complete arcs in SSSS tend to be on the longer side. If you'd like to join in at any one particular phase of the memory or just want to go through the whole thing from the start, let me know in the subject line. I'm only going to post the first couple minutes of the memories and then we can walk through more in the thread! Emil will likely be watching the memory with your character, making commentary or trying to distract them if he thinks that what's happening is too embarrassing.

I genuinely don't mind going through the same memories with multiple people because who he's with will change his reactions, so feel free to tag one even if there's another taker.

Memory One: Let Them Eat Cake (on the mingle log) - In which Emil is a spoiled teenager snarking at his nanny, but conveniently providing a place for anyone needing a bit of levity and cake among all the misery.

Memory Two: Cthulhund & Kitty - In which Emil encounters a Rash-infected dog Beast, tries and fails to put it out of its misery, and then assists with the attempted rescue of a family of cats. Only Kitty survives.

Memory Three: Left Behind - In which Emil and his friend Lalli stay behind as the rest of the group moves on, and Emil ends up having to drag Lalli's unconscious body halfway across Denmark with no food. Also they are almost killed by dusklings.

May add more if I think of notable moments!

Comments

[incinerating]

[Emil opens one eye to look at the other young man.]

If you say so, you're just shivering a lot. I don't want you to get sick or something.

[It's said in a sincere enough tone, just an expression of concern. But after he sees Soren take the blanket, he feels satisfied enough to close his eyes again and focus on moving time forward. And when things start to change around them, he feels it in his gut more than he feels any real change in his surroundings. But when he opens his eyes, the scene has changed. It's daytime again, and the past version of Emil is squatting in front of a road sign with a map spread out in front of him, and talking. In fact, holding what seems to be a one-sided conversation with no one.

Emil feels his cheeks warm a bit.]

I'm not talking to myself, just so you know. This was when Lalli started talking to me in my head. But we were...we were really lost. I didn't think they would wait for us...the rest of the team, you know. They'd think we were dead.

[silentsavant]

[One blink later and his vision shutters to daylight, the air crisp and much fresher. Immediately he starts assessing his new surroundings. Soren manages to get away with keeping the blanket after all. It's good that dream logic is working in his favor. He draws it around himself like a makeshift cloak. It's... musty, but he can deal.

He listens at first to the memory's Emil, then the present version's mildly sheepish explanation.]

Don't worry. You mentioned before that he would start talking to you, so I was expecting I might see something like this. [And they had no way of contacting each other like via the handy watches that the Coven gives out. The communications technology must be more like what he is used to. What dire but unusual straits.] For how long did you have to wander this way?

[incinerating]

[This is another moment that he remembers distinctly and with that familiar sinking swoop in his gut. Remembers how he'd been hopeful that Sigrun and the rest would wait for them, that they'd believe Emil and Lalli were still alive and stay behind to wait for them, only for Lalli to tell him they would be stupid to wait. To ask him if he thought they were that stupid. Emil hadn't, and so a lot of his hope had gone.

For a moment, he stands there, wallowing in that moment, remembering that moment of misery before he'd steeled himself and moved on to assert that they'd meet the group at the pickup point instead.]

That was a pretty bad moment. We were far away from where we needed to be, the current brought us in exactly the opposite direction, and like Lalli said, they'd be stupid to wait for us. They'd assume we were dead.

[Emil shifts uncomfortably, momentarily unable to explain why that had bothered him so much, why being left behind and given up on had hurt so deeply for a few moments before he'd pushed on. It had made him feel small. Unimportant. Reminded him of all the times his parents hadn't shown up for dinner or holidays or forgotten his birthday.]

Anyway, that sucked, but we kept going. No big deal. It isn't like we'd just give up, you know?

[It isn't perfect, but the brave, confident front is pretty convincing.]

[silentsavant]

[Soren has always been more perceptive than most, has gotten used to Emil's patterns just enough to get the idea that he didn't actually feel all that brave and confident, only that he should have been. It wasn't 'no big deal'. Bluster: he's seen so much of it before during wartime, invisible armor to protect against a volley of uncertainties that could break someone down if allowed to penetrate too deeply. But in a matter of life or death, one can't afford to waver or let fear hold them back too much. Out of idle curiosity for geographical perspective, Soren wanders over to the Emil of the past and casually peers over his shoulder at the map overlaid across the ground.]

If it were me, I would probably say the same thing.

[incinerating]

[When Emil sees Soren looking at the map, he comes over and leans down a bit to peer at it, mouth pursed.]

It's called Denmark, where we are.

[Leaning in further, he points out the spot they're in right now, and then slides his finger just above the surface of the map until it's hovering over the pickup point.]

This is where we are right now, and we have to get over there. It's about a two day walk, at my pace. I'm not the fastest, but I was really determined to not be left behind, and not to leave Lalli either. I'm really glad I didn't give up.

[A pause, and he exhales a little shakily.]

You'd say the same? You mean about not giving up?

[silentsavant]

[Suddenly, there is quite a lot of Emil crowded in one place, Soren in the midst of them. For a fleeting moment he is pulled from his study to glance up at the absurdity of this situation he half-caused. Only now that the "real" Emil is involved does he feel the faint swelter of personal boundaries being squeezed. It's not enough to bother him more than a tinge. Just something he's not used to, a proximity he reserves. He thinly tolerates their huddle and watches him trace a distance across Denmark with open ears.

Oh. So it's not Sweden.]

I would say that, too, of course. But I would also tell you not to count on them waiting if you're easy to presume dead.

[The Greil Mercenaries have needed to make the same sorts of choices in the past, choices to minimize losses while achieving objectives, even if it meant some members of the group would be put at greater risk. If the expedition crew needed to get moving under the duress of time and dangers like the one Lalli felled, it would be best to begrudgingly move forward while accepting loss — loss they should already be prepared to face. But Soren has seen that no matter how prepared one may think they are to lose someone they love, someone they've grown attached to, they will never be ready when it happens. That sort of grief can weigh even heavier on a close-knit band... but a close-knit band can also provide effective support during that period of heartache. It brings him to wonder about the part of Emil's team he hasn't seen.]

How was your team cohesion? Were you close with your group, or...

[incinerating]

[It doesn't really occur to him that he might be crowding Soren too much, mostly because he's interested in sharing where they are and what's going on, so the other young man can understand what it is he's seeing. Once that's done, at least, he steps back and sighs, looking around the area.

Soren's confirmation that he would have also told him not to count on them waiting if he's presumed dead. It hurts, leaves him with that sinking feeling of being left behind that he'd had before, and this time he puts his finger on it - as much as he knows better, it felt like not being important enough to wait for. That feeling concerns him enough that it doesn't really register that the people leaving him behind might be hurting as well.]

Yeah. I guess you're right. Either way, it doesn't matter because we did end up making it back in time, as you can tell, since I'm in Aefenglom and not dead in the wastes of Denmark's Silent World. And...

[A pause as he actually considers that question.]

We're a good team. It isn't as if we're super emotional, crying all over each other all the time about our problems, but we took care of each other and had each others' backs.

[silentsavant]

They must have been relieved to find that the two of you had survived.

[It's only a brief description, but it paints enough of a picture for Soren to decide that a team like that would be grateful for their return, even beyond the mere utility of having more teammates to bolster them. His eyes rove across foreign land and names of cities until the Emil who spread it open to begin with picks it up off the ground and shoves it in his face.

It... phases right through him, of course, but it's enough to make him instinctively flinch and back off a little and bump right into the very corporeal Emil with a soft 'oof'. Embarrassed, he frowns, backs off, and murmurs a quick apology while watching... Emil show an unconscious body a map?]

Uh... What are you doing? He can't see that, can he?

[He's a little peeved at this Emil, even though it's in the past and logically has nothing to do with him, so Emil couldn't have possibly been trying to offend him by making a fool out of him by making a fool of himself. Still... c'est la vie.]</small.