middaeg | [ open ] Life is what our thoughts make it...

Entry tags:

[ open ] Life is what our thoughts make it...

Who: Vanitas + You!!
When: All of April
Where: Various
What: Open + Closed Prompts
Warnings: Violence, PTSD, Fluff, and more to be added later

( Cometflies: 4/3 only )

[ Vanitas has already spent enough time watching the meteor shower. He's a little dazed and confused trying to walk back to the house and there's a reason for it, but that's neither here nor there.

He is soon distracted by all of the colorful little glowing things now fluttering around. The natives seem amused by it, but Vanitas does not. Red and yellow seem to want to linger close to him as well as blue, but he keeps batting them away before any single bug can actually hand on him. ]

Go away and bother someone else!

( Pile's Plantagorium: A )

[ Earning some funds by growing plants? Well count Vanitas in. It's not that he went out with the mindset that he is going to specialize in flora. In fact, it isn't as though Vanitas really finds any relaxation or enjoyment in this activity. However, he is good at it and he believes plants are easier to deal with than people are.

So, sure. Vanitas spends plenty of time helping out on that rooftop, tending to and growing what seedlings tare there. Vanitas can be seen putting his talent to use, standing above flower beds and soon seeds become greenery and leaves. Then they begin to bloom in an array of colors. ]

( Pile's Plantagorium: B )

[ Buuuut there's more to be had if he ventures outside, right? Vanitas is standing right at the edge of the Wall. His Keyblade, Void Gear, is strapped to his back. The problem is, Van sure doesn't know what is a deadly plant or what isn't. So maybe stop him before he goes out and offer a hand?

Or maybe Vanitas is encountered already exploring beyond the wall. He has a plant isolated, it's true. It doesn't look sick... But those are a lot of sharp looking thorns on it. That's probably not a very good thing to bring back, but it looks like Vanitas doesn't really care. Only... he's kind of circling it. Looking for how he can get a cutting of it. ]

( Out of the City )

[ Once again Vanitas takes the opportunity to not stick around the city. When the chance is offered to venture beyond the Wall to one of the settlements, Vanitas takes it. He makes sure to leave a note stating that he'll be out. Doesn't state why or for how long because who needs to know that? He played it pretty safe last month by staying within the city walls so naturally Vanitas needs to get out and actually do something.

To get rid of some of his restless, excess energy, Vanitas takes to patrolling around the settlement he is brought to. There are plenty of infected monsters in the area and the spar he had last month isn't enough. Thus he can be found engaging in battle, fierce grin on his face and laughing. It's almost like he's enjoying every single moment that he cuts down one of those monsters, hurling around Void Gear like it weighs nothing. There's no magic used, just brute strength.

And when Vanitas tires of this - not that he will ever fully tire - there is something else he can do. Don't get him wrong it's not that he cares about these people. He doesn't, at all. Vanitas isn't doing this for their sake, but for his own. He joins some of the other Witches that have set up healing stations. Vanitas, see, has been working on the healing artes for months. Now he's putting himself to the test to see just how much mastery he has over those skills. Feel free to bother him or tease. ]

( Book shopping )

[ Vanitas enjoys being self-sufficient. He doesn't like to rely on others, though there are at least a few people out there that... Well he'll let them help him out if he really needs it. Over all? Vanitas still is uneasy. Normally that would be his motivation for getting out and learning anything.

That's not the case this time, but he's going to keep that to himself. Instead he's at this bookstore, going through the shelves. However, Vanitas looks more and more irritated as he goes. ]

Augh. This one's useless too.

[ He's getting aggravated enough that he's not bothering to put all of the useless ones back. Nope. There's starting to be a book scattered here and there. ]

Why is this proving to be so difficult!?

[ All he wants is a ding dang recipe book. To meet certain Monster dietary requirements. ]

( Wildcard )

[ Anything that you wanna do with Van, of coruse. As always, feel free to contact me at

jardaan

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Vanitas can take and grasp all the light that he wants. Sora will willingly give it all.

Sora can see the length of Vanitas' eyelashes like this (were they always so long?) and when his eyes open Sora inhales softly. He swears he can feel the soft breath on his lips since they're so close. It makes his heart bounce for a moment before he swallows quickly and looks down.]

It's ... It's still nighttime. But good morning. Sort of.

[It's warm...]

You were having a bad dream.

[ Vanitas knows that he can feel Sora's. It says something that Vanitas is slowly coming out of it and not immediately going into panic mode. He's not pushing the other away nor is he making a fuss. Either Vanitas must feel safe here or Sora's done an excellent job of bringing him back.

Unfortunately Vanitas doesn't say anything either. Yes, he is aware that is is a bad dream. He's also aware that it is Sora that pulled him out of it. Instead of speaking, Vanitas throws his arms around Sora and buries his face into the other's neck.

He just. Needs a moment. ]

[He knows better than to move or touch the other more because he could trigger more panic attacks as he has in the past. So he lets Vanitas come to him. What he's surprised with is the fact that Vanitas hugs him so and buries so close against his neck. Sora blinks quickly, unsure of where to put his hands for a good three seconds. Then he settles again and hugs Vanitas close.

And because he's sort of incapable of keeping his mouth shut for long periods of time he just mutters quickly,]

It's alright.

[ That's fine, really. Sora is perhaps one of maybe two or three people who can actually touch him like this and not immediately have a bad reaction. He knows it's fine. Knows it's safe. Vanitas realizes that the nightmare is over and that he's awake. The things that plague his dreams can't reach him here. ]

...Were you always this warm.

[ Vanitas doesn't know what to say other than that. He doesn't budge from where he's at and his voice is a little shaky but. Vanitas is a little stable. He isn't falling apart which is a good sign. ]

[In the quiet of this room there probably isn't a lot they have to say now. Sora still murmurs a little.]

Hmmhm? Probably?

[He smiles softly, letting his fingers press gently at the back of Vanitas' neck before they tickle at the base of his hair in a comforting motion.]

[ The fingers at the base of his neck makes him shudder. In that shudder, all of the tension that remained in Van's frame just disappears. In the process Van releases a long, shaky sigh. That's the rest of those lingering feelings from the dream finally being pushed out right along with his breath. ]

How did you know to do that? To reach out to me?

[ Does Sora even know what a lifeline he had been? Vanitas couldn't have come out of it so calmly if not for him. Chances are he would have been a crying mess lashing out at anyone and everything that got near. ]

[He can feel the flicker of tension release in their bond as well. Like a weight being lifted off his mind and nerves. He doesn't stop scratching gently at the base of Vanitas' hair. Tiny, gentle motions.]

Uhh, I could feel your nightmare somehow. It was like I was seeing bits of it across our bond. When I felt that I tried to find you there. With our bond.

[He had followed his heart, too. A quiet sentiment he decides to keep to himself for now.]

The things you did for me when I was panicking before? I tried that for you too.

[ Now Vanitas doesn't release Sora. Nope and that's probably not going to happen. Instead Van pulls his face away from the other teen's neck. Then just sighs as he rests it once more against Sora's forehead. His eyes are closes, just breathing in Sora and, oddly, Sora's scent. Just focusing on their Bond. ]

Wondered if that would happen eventually. Our Bond is strong. Do you regret it now?

[ Vanitas doesn't think that Sora does. However there's still a little part of him that is insecure and has issues of self-worth. Though he isn't lying. Their Bond is strong... And it will probably only get stronger, right? ]

[He's a bit glad that Vanitas closes his eyes. When they touch brows again Sora finds his lips smiling and a warmth start to bloom in his cheeks. He can feel the gentle stream of their bond flicking back and forth like crisp cinders again. He inhales softly and cuddles a little closer.]

No, not at all. Not even for a second.

[From the moment they bound to each other, even with the pain of the magic surging in his body and until now, he hasn't regretted it. Their bond has become strong and Sora actually can't imagine what it would feel like without it now. It's a strange feeling to have.]

Do you still like it?

[It's not that Sora's insecure. No. It's more he's curious since Vanitas has been unsure in the past.]

[ Sora has, in Van's eyes, more than redeemed himself for that incident just the other month. The one where they had fought. Now Vanitas as a bit of a scar on his lip as a reminder. Not that he actually cares too much about that. In the daylight Vanitas might not allow for all of this and this talk. However it's still night and he can blame it all on still being drowsy from his nightmare. ]

Didn't think so.

[ Because Sora isn't like that. He doesn't go back on his word, no matter how hard it gets. They made their vows to each other. To look out for one another. Now that's exactly what it is they are doing. And Vanitas has to wonder... Is this what the connection between himself and Ventus should have been? How could things have been different if that had been the case?

Those thoughts are pushed to the side. Sora's asked him a question in return. Does... Does Vanitas like the Bond? He opens his eyes to look into Sora's. A shame, really, that they are no longer blue. Van has this strange urge. He stomps it down, feeling heat rise on his cheeks. ]

I think that it's always something I wanted but never had. Then when you first gave it to be I didn't want to accept it. But I need this...

[Matching gold eyes meet, Sora's blinking as he tries to hold in a small breath. He tries to resist the urge to shut his eyes and hide himself. They might have matching eyes now but something about Vanitas' eyes is so much bolder, sharper and pretty. They're so much more than Sora's fake eyes. He tries not to think about that as he glances at Vanitas' lip and the scar he gave the other.

Focusing instead on the sleepy feeling drifting between them.]

It really did feel like you were reaching out for me too, just before. [...] I don't mind it. Being there for you.

[It's a tiny confession that he feels his cheeks burn for. He knows the complexity that comes with Vanitas wanting to be whole, wanting to have a connection with his other half. He still doesn't know if he'll ever be able to stand in for a feeling as strong as that but... If this can help. He'll accept this small role.]

[ Van releases a soft laugh. More like a puff of air. Oh Sora. ]

Idiot. I've been reaching out for years...

[ Always chasing after the Light. A missing piece that he's longed for. Craved. Vanitas can say that he's Darkness. He can say that he's nothing more than that. However, in the end, he's still always wanted the Light. Always wanted that balance that everyone else has. Vanitas has also always been at odds with himself over this.

He sighs, closing his eyes once more. Just languishing in this sleepy, warm feeling. Maybe Sora can't be his other half. However, Sora doesn't need to be Ventus. The role he has right now is special and unique to him, though Vanitas doesn't realize this completely just yet. Sora's no stand in. Sora is just.

Sora. ]

And I don't mind it either. You being here.

[He never would have thought he'd be where he is just a few months earlier. But since dreaming of this place and then coming to live in it Sora's life has changed quite a bit for it. He's finally gotten a chance to learn more about Vanitas, that missing connection, and after all this time Sora can truly say that he really likes being here. Being here with Vanitas.

His heart stirs again as he cuddles into the warmth of the shared space. Bondmates are infinitely always better to cuddle with.]

This idiot won't be too far away now, so... You can always reach for me. Okay?

[He still doesn't think he could ever be something as strong as Ventus is to Vanitas. Still doesn't really think it would ever be his place to be. Maybe someday he'll know it's okay to be something else.

Right now, he's just sleepy again.]

[ Sora isn't the only one who has such thoughts. Vanitas has been here even longer than Sora has and it's... Well it's something else. He never would have thought that there would be people in his life that he could rely on. Some of his thought patterns have changed so much since arriving here. While Sora might not have a direct hand in some of that, he does in others.

It's funny but Sora has been helping Vanitas in ways that aren't so obvious. In areas other people would really think to look at. Van is slowly becoming more and more like a teenager who is building experiences and finally coming to understand what that means for himself. Things that he likes. Things that he dislikes. How to handle certain situations and how to have fun. ]

I still say you may come to regret that. Once I have a hold of something, I don't really like to let go of it, Sora.

[ Call it obsessive or possessive. Could be all the same thing. What's his is his and, fortunately or unfortunately, that goes for people too. Oh that little kiss under the stars still lingers on his mind. Vanitas took take the opportunity to address that as well. To ask Sora what that had all meant and why it had made them both so flustered.

He won't. Mostly because right now, in this moment, asking such questions doesn't seem right. It could break apart this moment and Vanitas doesn't really want to let it go either. ]

Go back to sleep, brat. I think I'll be okay now.

[Sora can't help but let out a tiny chuckle at that. The idea that Vanitas doesn't let go of things he grabs hold of puts a mental picture in his head of a hissing cat over something it's caught. But as much as that amuses Sora he thinks it's kind of endearing to hear that applied to him.]

Well, that's annoying. [Sora jokes gently. His toe taps against Vanitas' foot.] I guess you're stuck with me and this bond then.

[He hopes Vanitas doesn't expect Sora to listen to the note to go back to sleep, though. With everything that's happened now and even with Sora feeling drowsy he still wants to talk.]

But... your nightmare. There were these red eyes, I could see them.

[ That's probably a pretty accurate mental image. Granted, Vanitas doesn't know that this is what is making Sora chuckle. For a moment he thinks he's being made fun of and he huffs, a little annoyed. Yet as Vanitas pays attention to their link, he can't necessarily feel anything to indicate that Sora is teasing him. ]

That's fine for now. Though if I ever hear that you've made more Bonds than you can handle... [ Vanitas is pretty serious about this. Maybe because of what is going on with the old man and his "naps" ] I'll find a way to break one of those Bonds off.

[ Because he is not going to have Sora fall under if it's something preventable. Vanitas might not want to lose his Bond with Sora, but if it comes down to it he will. Or he'll go around threatening each and every person Sora could be Bonded to in order to make someone annul. One way or another.

The conversation drifts back towards the dream though. There's a noticeable difference in Van's posture now. He's tensing up again. ]

...Those things were Unversed.

[That protective tone has Sora looking down for a moment. Because of course, that sort of thing has crossed Sora's mind before. There are people here that he wants to see safe and friends that he's been making that are becoming important to him. If they needed help or a bond in order to stay safe Sora would have a very hard time saying no. There's already Roxas to think of? Kor, Yuma, Momiji...]

Vanitas... [He can't promise something like that right now. It's just who Sora is. He can't change that.

His fingers still make gentle scratches at Vanitas' hair.]

If you don't want to talk about the nightmares, we don't have to.

[He's just wanting to know what sort of things he really did dream of and if it's something they should be talking about.]

Don't Vanitas me. I know you so I'm letting you know ahead of time what I'm going to do.

[ He's not asking for promises. Van isn't telling Sora not to do it. All he is doing is telling Sora the consequences of doing something so stupid. He isn't going to put up with someone going through this again. Nope. Just isn't. ]

Anyway... It's not like they aren't all the same in the end. The nightmares, that is. I don't even know why they bother me so much.

[Sora frowns.]

At least you know how important bonds are now.

[Remember when he didn't want any bonds? How did that go for Vanitas! He knows he can't control what Vanitas does so perhaps it's better if they don't argue about this. At least not right now...]

But nightmares are usually bad memories coming back. That's probably why it bothers you so much. You were dreaming about when the unversed first started. Sometimes it's hard to let memories like that go.

[ Van huffs, effectively ending that line of conversation. There's nothing to even argue about as far as Vanitas is concerned. Sora can be mad at him or disapprove all he wants. Sora had known that he is getting involved with someone who is rather mean and hostile. Something threatening that which is his? Yeah, no. That could never fly.

So instead he listens to Sora talk about how nightmares are based off of bad memories. He's not wrong. If it's really about when the Unversed started then it probably is the reason why it bothers him so much. ]

I thought I had put that stupid crap behind me.

[Conflicting opinions might cause quite the argument down the line...

But right now Sora relents as he inhales softly.]

Maybe there's something about that nightmare you haven't faced, yet. Sometimes when I feel scared I have to face it head on. Then it doesn't feel as bad. Sometimes the feeling even goes away.

Just what part of that do you think I haven't faced exactly?

[ Okay so Vanitas is getting a little defensive. Probably because the nightmare is about his emotions. About the Unversed and drowning in that negativity. Of course Vanitas hasn't dealt with all of that. He will always struggle with seeing them as anything than disgusting monsters.

Maybe that's what the dream is about. Who can say? ]

Well... [Sora's voice is soft, he's not trying to attack here.] Maybe there's something about the dream you haven't seen yet. And once you see it and can understand what it's saying you'll be able to know how to move on.

[Sometimes facing fears is the only way to defeat them. Sora's been there more times than he can count.]

[ Vanitas gives Sora the blankest look he can muster. ]

How can I see all the way through it I end up choking before it's completion?

[ Because that's usually what happens. Vanitas wake up with red marks on his throat. Gagging and shaking. ]

Ahh-- [Sora frowns. But then he reaches up to ruffle up Vanitas' dark locks of hair.]

I dunno... It's not like I want you to keep going through something like that. I guess it's just something we can maybe try to figure out later.

[We- as in together. Maybe it's too late in the night to really be trying to solve it, though.]

[ open ] Life is what our thoughts make it...

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