middaeg | [closed] good things might come to those who wait

[ not that it is likely to be any consolation to Hakuno, but listen. Gilgamesh is not exactly having an ideal day himself.

perhaps what is strangest is that he is gaining his greatest and most denied desires, and yet there is some Monkey's Paw attached to each, whether it was the specifics of his encounter with Saber or Enkidu persisting in an (albeit loving) misrepresentation and misunderstanding of him. it feels like by rights he should know only bliss at this time, and yet instead the thorny messiness of actual interactions is somewhat interjecting upon his long-cultivated fantasies. imagine that.

explaining himself to all those mongrels on the network is just one more nuisance. although it cannot exactly be denied that he is fond of arguments, so maybe, even in irritating him, the distraction has not been altogether unwelcome. let him point his bad mood towards strangers. this is also an entirely acceptable and healthy mechanism.

having been with him as long as she has, she will obviously see his mood written in his expression even before she feels it through their Bond -- their connection far more intense and undeniable now. he only looks briefly, wordlessly, at her crafting. another point of evidence, though small, of changes. ]

Very well. [ he just stands back, looking almost casual in the circumstances. the lack of overt bad temper may or may not surprise her, but circumstances being what they are, he would prefer to settle this already. ] Speak and be heard. I attend to your words.

[She looks up at him and her eyes narrow.

Because, despite accruing options, she hasn't looked into the Bond muting. Because she can feel that scraping feeling beneath his skin as clearly as if it were own. Because his resentful, unacknowledged fatigue chitters through her bones. Because she knows that bored, smooth expression is a flag; he's a passionate man be it for the better passions or the worse ones. Because...

Well, because she's Hakuno, and he's Gilgamesh, and suddenly this one single room of their apartment feels miles and miles too big, compared to their previous accommodations.

After giving him a long, long look, she sets her craft aside and pats her lap, invitingly.]

...come here. We don't have the room for a real throne yet, so I guess the partner of the King of Heroes can condescend to serve as a pillow, for a little bit. If we're going to have one of our little chats, we might as well get comfortable.

[They tend to stretch on.

And he hasn't touched her since they rolled out of bed today, and the Monster in her misses it fiercely.

[ ... well. Gilgamesh had not been expecting this.

he reaches up, smoothing back his hair. in the process, his hand brushes against his earrings and against the marks on his throat. as a (former) Servant, he is unused to carrying evidence of conflicts. he is somewhat ambivalent about doing so now; battle scars enhance one's pride, but he is known to be somewhat conceited about his unblemished appearance. ]

Ha, what a generous mood you seem to be in today. [ he presumed his mouthy mongrel would be ready to sass him even more than usual. ... instead, is this some manner of Punish Start? a stealth attack? he does smirk rather whimsically and raise an eyebrow at this reaction of hers, and in other conditions his own reaction might be somewhat taunting... yet, he lets it be for now. and curiously, he can feel that... something? of hers. a certain warmth. tch. she should embarrass him, feeling that sort of thing. ] Have you finally come to be in awe of me and learn the joys of my reception?

[ that is always how they banter and if anything it lessens that stifling emotional sincerity, but somehow it is annoyingly difficult to tune out that heaviness in the room now. he, in turn, feels -- perhaps what she would expect him to feel, a bone-deep reluctance towards such sincerity, coupled with perhaps a more surprising if extremely deeply buried reaction of desire. and that, too, followed by a just as immediate suppression. something flickers and recedes, a golden flash no larger than a grain of sand in their imagination.

the absolute most disconcerting element about this Bond is that most likely both Hakuno and Enkidu can sense the incredible amount of processing work that goes into his every reaction and interaction. obviously of all people his friend knows his character, and Hakuno heard tell this through their shared dream, but his inner mechanisms being laid bare is quite against... everything.

needless to say, he accepts her invitation, striding over and wordlessly lying down, lying against her with an ambivalent-but-mostly pleased hmph. and no doubt she felt some, if not most, of the annoyingly complex consideration that went into whether to accept such a simple gesture. ]

Edited 2020-03-17 02:40 (UTC)

Wow, sleep-talking before you even laid down? You never fail to impress me, Gilgamesh.

[No small part of her current even keel is due to her mind-jumbling tête-à-tête with Enkidu. She's not thinking about that now, though; that's a tangled knot of thoughts and considerations to be tugged apart some other night. Right now, she shifts so that Gilgamesh can lounger's comfortably, and leans forward so her hair pools on his chest.

Beneath the faintly smoldering annoyance, the stress and tension slowly begins to drain out of her from proximity alone.

The fight, of course, never quite leaves her, but her voice is pointed and wry rather than snappish.]

...I think we might have a small problem. The same problem.

[It's taken some uncomfortable reflection, but the network stands in testament to their dysfunctional, near-synchronized impulses. She can't run away from something this important, or heap it all on him.]

We're both... really, really used to being with one another every second of every day. So we make choices all on our own, even though we shouldn't, because whenever we made them before we were already together and could chip in or complain as necessary. This time, you didn't talk to me about something that would have changed my life. At all.

[She pauses, pulling a faint face.]

But... well, I've got some stuff that I should have said to your face the week we got here, but didn't. So, I guess that I've been making choices of my own, too.

[ whew. who knew that transitioning from being a supremely powerful god-tier hack mode Servant with a virtual NPC Master who is one year old but forged from an ancient super-computer who was also stalked by various AIs to somewhat human forms (fae, in her case) would prove to have this many complications. ]

I suppose there may be some merit to your assessment. I did make a vow to you to receive your opinion.

[ see, he did not forget. he just has Ideas, sometimes. ]

.... Hm? What is it that you did not tell me?

[ against her, he does not move, but he does turn briefly to look over his shoulder at her.

it seems an ominous beginning to a sentence, given her. proclivities. ]

[Truly, a question for the ages.]

And I vowed the same right back. We can do better than this.

[They're just... easily side-tracked when the stakes aren't world-shakingly high, apparently.

Her fingers tap a nervous little beat against the hard plane of his abdomen.]

I can—feel what you feel pretty clearly. Uh. When you're feeling something... strongly. Because of our Bond. It's supposed to take time, I'm told, to build it up that high, but... well, we never do anything by halves, do we?

[They came in Bonded, just wrapped in a different sort of binding.

...okay, no stalling. Best to rip the bandaid off.]

But, that's... well, that's why I leave the apartment, when you and Enkidu get... well, you know. Get started. And usually, that's enough; distance, or distracting myself with... needle felting, or reading, or something. Usually that works.

[She can't look at him, for this next part, but her fingers fall still.]

...and, uh. Nothing really... really worked to block whatever or whoever you got caught up with, this last full moon. So, mostly I need to ask you to maybe just—not... do that, one specific night a month. Please.

[ ... well, we come full circle, don't we? ]

That was not intentional.

Not unwanted, but not intentional. Heh. [ though he says so entirely casually. you know, but pick a random day, Moon or not, and he could have been active lately, so fair enough to say it could just as well have been planned. ] I have more apprehensions for what shall happen to you. I have seen the proof that a person under this influence may act wildly... to say the least.

[ well, it is no secret what a feral state entails. though there seems to be quite a lot of variance. ]

There is no danger for someone such as me, but you shrink quite rapidly. I would kill you myself if you endangered the asset I spent 90% of my treasury to protect.

[ that said, he definitely grunts at being asked to give up his Moon sex. maybe she can guess why. three tries?

witness this not-at-all-selfish concern that must be said -- ]

But what am I to do? It seems that some require such services. It would not be suitably heroic, were I not to answer such supplication.

I never told you, so it couldn't have been.

[Hell, that was half her initial reason for just not saying anything about it in the first place, aside from the inherent embarrassment of the situation.]

I don't know that I've ever been particularly wild. And... a Bond is supposed to keep me more stable, isn't it? As long as I don't actively reject myself.

[She doesn't think she has been, so far. She likes this place. She likes the people. She likes the things she can learn here, and the time she can spend however she pleases, and being able to wear all sorts of things, and not just... well, the stock uniform options. The Fae angle has been it's own source of worry, but she thinks she's taken it in stride, well enough.

It's barely a hiccup, after the earthquake of finding out she wasn't really a natural human the first time.]

I haven't shrunk too much during the moons, and I think... I unshrunk after this last one, given how achy I was the next day. But nothing has been predictable so far.

[Finally, she looks at him; and she looks supremely unimpressed.]

It's not very heroic heaping that state on me and expecting me to just muddle through, moving forward, though. There are some classes that can teach me to... mute the Bond, if you really can't help yourself. If one night is really that much to ask.

[It's simultaneously the most attractive and uncomfortable option, because, well, Hakuno's Bond to Gilgamesh had always been her lifeline, before coming here. To alter or throttle it is something she can't even imagine.]

I will consider it.

[ he is obviously a little reluctant. look, Hakuno, Enkidu is his #1 claybae, but certain of Gilgamesh's other tastes have mileage potential around these Full Moons. he likes conflict and decadence, but within a proper context, and it seems the Moon hits this much more than he might ever have imagined.

though. as that goes. ]

It does seem as if there have been many changes since arriving here, hm? Even I have been taken by surprise.

Edited 2020-03-18 02:02 (UTC)

That's about what I expected.

[Gilgamesh...

It says something about you that you have to skulk around on a night when the mileage potential depends on mindless carnivore carnality to get a taste of what you want, bud.]

I'm guessing that whatever happened wasn't planned, then? Since I know it wasn't Enkidu, that time.

[ excuse you.

what do you expect when your Servant is a reformed NTR eroge trope antagonist, Hakuno. mostly reformed. ]

Hm. [ how to say this. ] It would seem a certain golden-haired maiden did not forge a Bond and reacted quite strongly to the effects of the Full Moon.

[ LET THAT ONE SINK IN FOR YOU and then consider why he thinks your own behavior might in fact skew somewhat during such nights. you know, in the future. a possibility. ]

Edited 2020-03-18 02:23 (UTC)

[Not set himself up for NTR when his Master is overcome by his echoed lust and is left unattended, obviously.]

Last night... was Saber?

[She digests that for a moment. She pats his arm, consolingly, as she puzzles through how that must have shaken out the morning after.]

Poor her. I know she's just your type physically, but she finds you as a person pretty repulsive, from what I've gathered. If her decision making was that impaired, it's no wonder you actually got so up in arms over me this time...

[ what the fuck, Hakuno. whose side are you on here? or is his talent for extremely backhanded compli-mentsults rubbing off? ]

She might find me somewhat less so now.

[ TBD and shit. ]

Well, there is not much to say. She tried to kill me, and then we embraced. Naturally, it was somewhat of a detour from my expectations.

[ but unfortunately they are Bonded so even as he says that sentence, she probably feels some thumpt-thump-thump of the heart TMI. whoops. ]

[The encroaching fae aspect, the bond, or her lingering resentment over the marriage post... take your pick, really.]

Or more. That all sounds... pretty regrettable, for a woman as strict on herself as she is.

[A loss of total control? A roll with Gilgamesh, of all men?

Hakuno's heart absolutely aches for her at the very thought. She doesn't know if the origin of Mordred was fact or fiction, but either way this can't be ringing any pleasant bells, right now.]

...ah. I almost forgot how warped your views of romance are. You're practically twitterpated over almost getting mauled to death by a beautiful woman, aren't you?

[ damn, thought he was stealthy. ]

I am not that shallow.

There are many beautiful women. However...

[ she just opposes him so well.

and many beautiful women? how many beautiful lady-kings? ahem. ]

Hmph, is it so warped when you have the strength for to enjoy risks? You know I, who journeyed through all dangers and met all obstacles in my lifetime, am no longer amused by much.

[ see, in a sense, it might even be best for Enkidu's sake that Gilgamesh is not putting 1000% of his energy towards them and is divvying it somewhat now. he just is divvying it in the most obnoxious possible way to make your life hard because of course he is. ]

The difference is I do not think you would be similarly excited.

Edited 2020-03-18 03:00 (UTC)

I don't know what I like, honestly. I'l... figure it out, at some point. But in the mean time? Just... do me a favor and try not to be a...

[How to put this?

She struggles for a moment, before deciding, for Saber's sake, to put it in the starkest, strongest terms she can.]

Don't be an Ishtar about her, Gilgamesh. She's nice, or at least she has been to me. I'd like it if she could actually learn to enjoy life, not get worn down even more with self-loathing.

[ Hakuno is really trying to Punish Start today, it seems.

in other circumstances, he would no doubt yell at her with great ire for comparing him to her, but as it is, his laughter, though not exactly kind, is rather different. ]

It was she who was behaving like Ishtar.

[ hence his Weird Ambivalence. ]

I will not allow myself to be subdued. Thus I did not do so. Yet the desire was there. You believe she needs me to feel self-loathing? Ah, Master. How you mistake the diagnosis for the poison. Perhaps not before last night, but certainly now.

[ he genuinely believes those desires of hers to be sincere on some level. he thinks he has a unique insight, and given that they did Bond, if temporarily, that's not as presumptuous as it might otherwise seem. but he is not certain he could convince his Master, and perhaps he should not attempt to try. ]

Edited 2020-03-18 03:13 (UTC)

Oh? So she demanded your hand in marriage rather than using you as an outlet, did she?

[Sure, Gil.]

...No, I'm saying she feels it already. And submitting to you in any sense would just make her hate herself even worse. It would be like—remember when BB messed with your head, Gilgamesh?

[She prods his forehead, gently.]

Remember how your will was warped, despite your own tastes? Was that particularly enjoyable to you, in the aftermath?

[If she instills even the slimmest shadow of empathy in him, this will be a triumph.]

[ he is about to say literally the worst thing possible, considering how much mental trouble he has been giving her lately and one of the reasons for their discussion. ]

I think you underestimate how charming I can be.

[ no, no, she does not. not now. ]

Recall my charisma ranking.

[ is this reassuring or the opposite, hm? ]

Being charmed by someone is a fleeting thing, Gilgamesh.

[She tweaks the tip of his ear and scowls down at him.]

Transient. Superficial. Good for a good time, not for forever. Don't place too much faith in something fragile. I don't want to deal with what will happen when you put weight on it and break it. And besides which, your 'charm' is ancient. Gratingly so, sometimes.

[Her eyes narrow.]

Like when you decide to arrange a marriage of all things.

[ but you are charmed by him in spite of that. so it kind of defeats the argument a little, you must admit. ]

Ugh, it seems I am meeting with no end of complaints from you lately. You certainly are going to be troublesome for me during that next Moon, are you not? I do not need premonition to discern this.

[ we already got some Mood rolling. just not the good, horny kind. more like the anti-horny mongrel nitpicking time. ]

Well, do not say I did not try. When you awaken beside a headless corpse, you shall think twice about criticizing my tastes.

[He grew on her, insidious, inescapable, and unseen. Like a cancer.

That is not her fault.]

Yeah, well, considering I almost got sold off for a herd of cattle today, I think I'm permitted a little complaining.

[She pokes his forehead again.]

I'm wasn't even hungry that entire day, so relax with the head thing already, or I'll put yours at the top of the menu. I'm... some sort of moth-based fae, best I can figure. I don't know any that do that.

Edited 2020-03-18 05:13 (UTC)

I recall nothing of any cattle. Though bulls were sacred in Uruk, so should we be able to acquire divine ones here, that would be an improvement. Yet they would need land to graze upon.

[ but this twist to her transformations! hmm! ]

A moth, are you? Fool, why did you not say so before? Did you not see that boy, Flat, who wishes to light candles in our home? For you to fly into such a thing would be troublesome.

Edited 2020-03-18 13:32 (UTC)

...I don't actually know much about Sumerian marriage traditions, as we've established.

[She was being snide and grumpy...]

I can't even fly yet. I'm not going to grab at any open flames, relax. We can still have candles.

[ this is not exactly a resolution, is it? Gilgamesh's head still lies in Hakuno's lap... he rationalizes that it is only proper to use her as a pillow, and it would be foolish for anyone to read anything more into the gesture, including his Master. however, she can no doubt feel that a certain resistance and apprehension seeps through their Bond. experiencing the connectedness between them, he is more guarded of his emotions and thoughts -- but the guardedness, unto itself, is something that she can almost certainly sense. that... is frustrating, as well. he had readily agreed to Bond with Hakuno, thinking it not significantly different than the relationship between Master and Servant, and yet there is this undeniable new twist, this feeling of being more exposed in a more visceral manner.

it it is not exactly a resolution because he never exactly promised to hold off on Moon happenings. he only promised to give her the opportunity to challenge his perspective; he never necessarily guaranteed that he would yield to her. and this whole taking-others'-feelings-into-account business is also strange. though why should he spend such time debating whether he might even entertain the idea of doing so? that, too, must be some effect of this Bond. ]

Hm, it seems that there are larger matters here than the outcome of a future Full Moon.

[ for both of them, it seems as though that could continue to get even more Interesting next time, as matters stand, but it's only one piece to something more. ]

There is one undeniable truth: the nature of our contract has altered. [ and not on their terms, this time. or, not exactly so. ] What was once certain is now cast into ambivalence. I should say that you need not be troubled. My will remains the same no matter what else may alter. Ah, but this is not about my will this time, is it?

[ well, there is no way around it... ]

Rather, your comfort diverges from mine on matters of love, it seems.

[ but at least he expresses himself very euphemistically. ]

Edited 2020-03-22 00:24 (UTC)

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