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Entry tags:
[ open ] i am no one's blessing
Who: Qrow Branwen & you!
When: First full moon of Mareuer
Where: Aefenglom
What: Baby's first bloodlust
Warnings: Blood, emetophobia, references to alcoholism, potential violence
i. around 8 pm, bar
[It's on his way in from the Wilde, not long after the last tinges of sunset fade, that he first feels it.
There's a strange discomfort in his stomach, the kind where you're not sure if you're hungry or nauseous. It's dismissed outright, at first; it's not been that long since he ate, and he's not sure if he wants to test the "or nauseous" part until he's alone inside the house he's claimed here. It's easily ignored at first, anyway, but it gets worse the more he walks. He doesn't relish the idea of being sick before he gets home, so...most stores are closed by now, but the bars should be open, especially with Eostre going on right now. Some seltzer water might help; it's not like the barkeepers don't know him well enough to forgive the lack of revenue one night.
By the time he reaches the bar, the discomfort has morphed into outright pain and he sits doubled over against the bar, clutching onto a glass as he struggles not to make a noise out of distress. What's happening to him? The fangs weren't a pleasant experience, sure, but he feels like his body wants to tear itself apart from the inside, this time. Anyone who so much as comes close gets an extremely pissy glare leveled at them.]
What?
ii. 10:30 PM aefenglom streets [cw: blood, emetophobia]
[The night only gets worse from there. A woman a few seats away, very cheerfully drunk, gestures a little too wildly with a glass in her hand, and it smashes on the ground. (How unfortunate, his mind helpfully supplies. It's not his fault, but maybe it is, maybe it's still there even though he can't feel it anymore, isn't that possible?) She reaches down to pick up the broken glass even though the barkeeper tells her not to, and cuts her hand on the glass. And then--
It's not ferality, not yet, but Qrow experiences something akin to a blackout for a few seconds as the smell of blood hits the air, and before he knows it he's slammed her up against a wall, fangs bared against the open wound in her hand, prepared to rip it open and take the sustenance instead before he remembers where he is and stumbles backwards. All but crawls on his hands and knees to get away before he gathers himself enough to run, pain forgotten for the moment in sheer horrified adrenaline. That's what the fangs are for. He's supposed to hurt people, to tear them apart to nourish himself and ....
Abruptly, he crumples to his knees and retches, dry heaves bringing up nothing but water and stomach acid. He can't do this. He can't he can't he can't he can't--fuck, he was so stupid to think his curse had ever left him for a minute. Here it is personified in the truest form of his lifelong insecurities, isn't it? Twisting him into a Monster that needs to hurt others to exist. Unfortunate.
--Footsteps around the corner get a howl of distress, and he looks at whoever it is with an almost maddened terror in his eyes.]
No! Get away from me! Run!
iii. 1:45 AM, Closed to Sasuke
[Every encounter up to now has ended, eventually, with him taking off at a run. He's kept himself from hurting anyone yet, but with each show of willpower his stamina is fading. By the time he runs into Sasuke, he's visibly shaking from the effort. He makes a panicked noise in his throat when he makes eye contact, like he can sense the blood still pumping in Sasuke's veins for the time being, and drives his fangs right into his own hand because he cannot live with himself if he harms a child in this condition.
He slides down against a wall, landing roughly on the cobbled street, and half-wheezes, muffled, through his hand--]
L...eave. Don't get--closer.
When: First full moon of Mareuer
Where: Aefenglom
What: Baby's first bloodlust
Warnings: Blood, emetophobia, references to alcoholism, potential violence
i. around 8 pm, bar
[It's on his way in from the Wilde, not long after the last tinges of sunset fade, that he first feels it.
There's a strange discomfort in his stomach, the kind where you're not sure if you're hungry or nauseous. It's dismissed outright, at first; it's not been that long since he ate, and he's not sure if he wants to test the "or nauseous" part until he's alone inside the house he's claimed here. It's easily ignored at first, anyway, but it gets worse the more he walks. He doesn't relish the idea of being sick before he gets home, so...most stores are closed by now, but the bars should be open, especially with Eostre going on right now. Some seltzer water might help; it's not like the barkeepers don't know him well enough to forgive the lack of revenue one night.
By the time he reaches the bar, the discomfort has morphed into outright pain and he sits doubled over against the bar, clutching onto a glass as he struggles not to make a noise out of distress. What's happening to him? The fangs weren't a pleasant experience, sure, but he feels like his body wants to tear itself apart from the inside, this time. Anyone who so much as comes close gets an extremely pissy glare leveled at them.]
What?
ii. 10:30 PM aefenglom streets [cw: blood, emetophobia]
[The night only gets worse from there. A woman a few seats away, very cheerfully drunk, gestures a little too wildly with a glass in her hand, and it smashes on the ground. (How unfortunate, his mind helpfully supplies. It's not his fault, but maybe it is, maybe it's still there even though he can't feel it anymore, isn't that possible?) She reaches down to pick up the broken glass even though the barkeeper tells her not to, and cuts her hand on the glass. And then--
It's not ferality, not yet, but Qrow experiences something akin to a blackout for a few seconds as the smell of blood hits the air, and before he knows it he's slammed her up against a wall, fangs bared against the open wound in her hand, prepared to rip it open and take the sustenance instead before he remembers where he is and stumbles backwards. All but crawls on his hands and knees to get away before he gathers himself enough to run, pain forgotten for the moment in sheer horrified adrenaline. That's what the fangs are for. He's supposed to hurt people, to tear them apart to nourish himself and ....
Abruptly, he crumples to his knees and retches, dry heaves bringing up nothing but water and stomach acid. He can't do this. He can't he can't he can't he can't--fuck, he was so stupid to think his curse had ever left him for a minute. Here it is personified in the truest form of his lifelong insecurities, isn't it? Twisting him into a Monster that needs to hurt others to exist. Unfortunate.
--Footsteps around the corner get a howl of distress, and he looks at whoever it is with an almost maddened terror in his eyes.]
No! Get away from me! Run!
iii. 1:45 AM, Closed to Sasuke
[Every encounter up to now has ended, eventually, with him taking off at a run. He's kept himself from hurting anyone yet, but with each show of willpower his stamina is fading. By the time he runs into Sasuke, he's visibly shaking from the effort. He makes a panicked noise in his throat when he makes eye contact, like he can sense the blood still pumping in Sasuke's veins for the time being, and drives his fangs right into his own hand because he cannot live with himself if he harms a child in this condition.
He slides down against a wall, landing roughly on the cobbled street, and half-wheezes, muffled, through his hand--]
L...eave. Don't get--closer.
no subject
[ He's noticed.
He's noticed because he recognizes the patterns of behavior as intimately familiar even if Qrow comes across as more sociable. Qrow helps others at the expense of himself, and that in itself is an interest. The guilt he'll feel from failing to achieve those goals, whether they're selfishly motivated – and if they're related to self-loathing, Sasuke reminds himself, they are – or not, will trump everything else. ]
You can, because this is bigger than you. I told you already I'm not going to allow you to hurt anyone else instead, for their sake and yours. I can force you or you can do it willingly. Now, move into the alley so that we don't have an audience.
Do I need to lift you?
1/2
Or maybe if you leave me alone and let me handle things, I won't have to hurt anyone at all! Don't you get it? I'm used to being dangerous! I could manage if I could just get ten seconds away from your blood to think--
[He's cut off mid-rant. Sasuke, as a fellow vampire, will easily be able to discern the source: an injured Wilder, injuries wrapped in a makeshift bandage until they can get to the Coven for treatment. And where before he'd attacked that woman at the first hint of spilled blood, a different instinct takes over this time. He finds his energy from somewhere, stumbles to his feet and runs, past Sasuke and right into the alleyway.]
no subject
Sasuke hasn't left. He's still here, and Qrow's guilt doesn't have any more time to resist, and it doesn't have time to regret yelling at him just now. He looks Sasuke right in the eye, ignoring the rush of static in his ears from the spilled blood right around the corner.]
Help me. Hurry.
no subject
Against the wall, quickly. [ Sasuke is quick to follow him into the mouth of that alley, making sure they're deep enough within it to be able to avail themselves of shadows. Unseen, unlikely to draw very unnecessary attention. He takes a deep breath then, steeling his own nerves before he's lifting his arm.
Budding fangs pierce his own wrist so that Qrow won't have to do it himself, ensuring the cut is shallow enough to prevent serious damage before he's raising it within his line of sight. ]
I'll stop you if you go too far. For now, I can handle it. When you calm down you can seek out something else. [ Blood from any of the bars that offer it, an animal, anything. ]
no subject
He takes Sasuke's wrist carefully, squashing any lingering urges to rip and tear as he brings it to his mouth, and finally begins to feed. He nearly gags during the process, more than once, but ultimately the beast inside him is too desperate to reject any of the food it's finally being offered. The pain finally starts to abate; Qrow's muscles slowly ease from being pulled taut for so long, his breathing starts to slow and calm. And there's a temptation to keep going, not to remove himself from what's easing his discomforts just like he prefers to keep the brunt of his darkest anxieties and miseries away with alcohol, but he pulls back as soon as he feels remotely able, though Sasuke may feel a trace of wetness against his arm that's not blood when he does; Qrow's turned aside, eyes blocked from view too fast to be able to check.
When he finally speaks, his voice is shaky, but not with the same sort of tortured desperation as before.]
...Thanks.
[He stares back out toward the main street silently for a few moments. The Wilder is gone. It's safe to leave.]
Are you okay?
[Sasuke said he'd stop him if he went too far, but he has to check before he escapes out into the night with his shame and misery. Has to be responsible for what he was forced to do, if nothing else.]
no subject
At first he begins to feel cold in his extremities. A slow but steady loss of heat that seeps from him and leaves him chilled to the bone, as if all the layers of clothing in the world would still fail to shield him from a gust of wind. Next comes the slight dizziness that he'd expected most. Light-headedness. Something he's experienced countless times from countless injuries, almost all far more severe than what he's experiencing now. What he didn't expect? Was the third effect, a slow but steady increase in the pain he's feeling all through his body.
His organs tighten as if dehydrated, kidneys and intestines aching while his breaths draw shorter and shorter. Not life-threatening... but a reminder of just what's to come. ]
I'm fine, [ he manages, though his forehead presses to the wall of the building as he steadies his breaths and checks his arm. Fine. He is fine. ] There's a vampire bar two streets down, to the west. Can you make it there without a scene? If you need more.
no subject
It had to be done, he tries to tell himself, even as he wants to take off at a run and never show his face to Sasuke ever again. And then he mentions, of all things, a fucking vampire bar. He lets out a sharp noise, a bitter scoff that's not quite a laugh, because for all the goddamn bars he's been to since he showed up here, all the time he's spent in them, he missed that one? He didn't know until now, of course; fangs could've meant anything, but if he'd known it was there...
There's an irrational anger, too, at Sasuke for not telling him before it got to this point, though he realizes midway through that thought that he would've resisted that, too. Ugh. He just...needs to not be here anymore. He's stable enough to hole up at home and not speak to anyone for the rest of the night. The rest will be handled tomorrow.]
...Yeah, I'm good.
[He mutters one last thing after that, something that's hard to parse but sounds vaguely apologetic, before he takes off, not even looking back as he does. If he was lucky, he'd never cross paths with Sasuke again, but the odds never have been in his favor.]