middaeg | [closed] I think I've thought myself to death

Entry tags:

[closed] I think I've thought myself to death

Who: Fang and Kaede
When: 3/3
Where: Somewhere ambiguously in Aefenglom
What: Two cats get in a fight.
Warnings: description of burns, likely discussion of the events of Snatched (and thus torture)

[The chill was finally beginning to let up, after the damnable snows disappeared last month. Fang welcomed the dark clouds that brought rain; at least that was familiar, and spoke of warming temperatures. She—and her Monster, too—was a warm-weather creature.]

[The turnskin glances down at her hands, not minding the small drops sporadically beginning to fall, blooming small little dots on the street cobbles and the cloak she wore to ward off the chill. Even as people began to move inside, she didn't move from her bench.]

[The note in her hands was a formal blessing from the Coven's doctors that her silver wounds had truly begun healing, more suggested exercises to continue for months to come, and notice that they were reducing the medication for the lingering pain.]

[No sense in putting it off. Fang's never been mindful of her scars before, and she's certainly seen the wound every time she's changed her bandages, so there was no surprise waiting. Fang didn't mind them, but... well, she could name a few that would. She unwound the cushioning gauze ringed around her wrists, revealing the severe scars encircling her wrist where the manacles had sat, the flesh raw-looking and twisted like a sculptor's impression of webbing done in wax. Not fully healed, and sensitive to the stray cold droplets of beginning rain, but no longer at risk for infection.]

[Fang flexed her hands idly—they responded about as nimbly as they ever had, now, though she still had a ways to go to rebuild her grip strength to what it was—before unwinding the gauze around her neck.]

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[The other Monster swatting Kaede's hand away like an insect put heated spurs to her rage; the Chimera snarled, whipping her claws back—points first, for a full strike this time.

The moons' whispers—she'd gotten so used to them being distant, forgettable things. She'd forgotten how intrusive and noisy they could be. Like the rain. Making it difficult just to string a reasonable thought together.

But mostly, Kaede didn't have an answer for that. Would she have done the same, in that impossible position, had their places had been switched? If Kaede could have taken that pain onto herself—and left Chariot's guilt to tear her to pieces?

Would she?

Would she?]

[Everything I do—Why? Is this what you meant to happen?!]

[There was a lot Fang didn't pretend to understand about Kaede. A snarl and brandished claws, however, was universal language.]

[Guess I deserve it, after what I did!]

[And for one horrible, slow-motion instant, Fang considered allowing it. That lead weight in her gut and the cold in her limbs that had nothing to do with the weather urged her not to defend herself. She made a choice, after all. Like when her family had turned to Cie'th.]

[Don't... if you take another step, you'll fall off the edge into something you can't walk back from...]

[Fang suddenly steps in, her hand leaving her face to catch Kaede's swinging forearm on her own in a terrible impact of bone-on-bone. It's just a spark in spite of the rain, her anger acting as desperate kindling, something that still might not catch—but for now, the embers will do. Fang made a choice, but she also made a promise.]

I'll give you that first one free, [she said lowly, more clearly than her previous muttering. Even with here eye closed—miraculously unharmed by Kaede's claws—it still stung with blood, and the rain relentlessly stung the bloody furrows on her face. She itched to swing back. Itched to scream, to roar, to follow the moons' advice and return what was inflicted on her.] But any more you're gonna have to bloody earn.

[Earn was punctuated with a hard shove against Kaede's sternum—and even then, Fang could feel her wrist threatening to buckle. Whatever. She didn't need her hands to fight. Not this kind of fight, anyway.]

[There wasn't much Kaede considered herself justified in. Not any more. She didn't have the right to. She was just a fucking monster, the boogeyman in a dozen dreams. A bad person. She had been. She always would be. Spite fueled her (petty, stupid), yet crumbled to ashes in the end. Vengeance brought her nothing but grief, even when it felt like the only justice in the world at all. None of those things meant anything, and Kaede had realized that far too late.

Her attachment to someone, that bewildering, precious thread, remained one of the few things that still mattered to her. One of the few things she could call her own. Something threatening that, someone harming someone precious to her (was it really Fang's fault?), drove Kaede to a blind rage that left reason—

(Would Kaede really have chosen differently?)

—behind.

(What did she know? She wasn't there.)

Violence was simpler.]

How fucking generous of you—!

[Earn. Like this was a game. The Chimera's face twisted in fury, the echoing pain of the bone-impact from their arms striking and the shove from the Turnskin driving her back. The sight of the damage she'd done for Fang's face was a dim, detached shock (she shouldn't have done that) before Kaede returned to herself. Her tail lashed to regain her balance, sodden feathers and all, and she lunged right back in, both claws raised to seize Fang's shoulders.]

[A straight forward approach. She could manage this without her hands; the claws on her feet scratched against the cobble to give her purchase despite the rain, and Fang pivoted in a circle, whipping her leg out in a thrusting kick.]

[Rage was always easy; that was something they unfortunately had in common. It didn't matter at herself, at someone else, or something else. As long as it was given a focus and untethered from its leash, it would sink its claws into something.]

[And after a month and a half of thrashing within the confines of her chest, boy did it want to sink its claws into something.]

[Conscious thoughts were too slow, and too complicated.

Fang's torso wheeled away out of her reach, but before Kaede could react properly the Turnskin's kick smashed into her collarbone. The Chimera's breath wheezed out of her lungs as her progress came to a crashing halt, her arms pulling back to grab the thing impeding her movement. Her claws latched on to the newest obstruction, and she spun on her heel to fling it away—pulling the person attached with it.]

[Those claws were getting annoying. Pain pricked into her leg as they found purchase, then burned into lines as Kaede lurched and threw. Fang landed a few feet away, tumbling against the muddy street until she regained control and rolled to her feet. ]

That all? [she growled--quite literally--whipping her soaked hair out of her open eye and dropping into a lower stance.]

[The strain on her shoulders made little headway on the adrenaline coursing through her mind, reducing the scope of the world to what was right in front of her. The rain made shapes nondescript blobs, leached of color and only distinguished by their movements—and their voices. The Chimera fixed on Fang's voice, skulking after it in the rain. Fang was on her feet again, still answering her, still ready to fight. It whipped her anger onward, drove her further onward. Her breath had recovered, though her voice was still hoarse and crackly.]

No.

[Again, the Chimera charged. No thoughts spared to tactics, to reason. She swung her arms at Fang like she could still throw punches with claws so large they cut into her palms, a life's experience overriding a year of changing instinct.]

[Fang wasn't used to a defensive fight, but between her limited depth perception and her enfeebled hands, she had little choice. Blocking Kaede's blows on her forearms hurt, jarring further down her arms and grunting through grit teeth. One landed squarely against her ribs, preoccupied with protecting her face as Fang was.]

[When the opportunity presented itself, Fang stepped closer, trying to trap the Chimera's arms in a grapple, sharply diving a knee at her ribs.]

[Each punch knocked away infuriated Kaede, driving the next and the next with greater ferocity. One finally struck home solidly; that felt satisfying, even as the blow jammed her sharpened nails into her own hands hard enough to draw blood.

Getting grappled was less so. The Chimera snarled and thrashed—interrupted by another wheeze and burst of sparks in her mind when Fang's knee connected with her side. Her bucking attempts to get away faltered this time as she tried to get her breath back.]

[Holding on through Kaede's thrashing was harder than Fang wanted to admit, between the rain and the bone-deep bruises forming from Kaede's blows. The cold and the pain both make her body less responsive than she'd like it to be. But her grip stays, somehow, and in the Chimera's stunned moment, Fang let loose a wordless yell—it came out like a jaguar's roar—hooked her leg behind Kaede's, and threw them both forward to the muddy cobbles.]

[She couldn't win a straight fight as she was. But she had size and mass and strength over the Chimera. If Fang could keep her pinned...]

[Just as Kaede felt like she was getting some leeway in escaping the Turnskin's grasp, her knee bend unbidden, and the world hurtled dizzyingly upwards. The torrential rain crashed down on her face directly, and before she could so much as blink it away the ground slammed into her back. The last tine of Kaede's antlers clacked against the rain-slick cobblestones, the very last and newest of them beginning to fracture midway.

Whatever breath she'd clawed back burst out of her mouth as a gasping wheeze to answer the Monster roaring in her face, and the strength in her limbs lapsed for a stunned moment.]

[It's amazing, how she'd forgotten the moons' influence. It'd scarcely been a month (a tense, restless, helpless month) of being magic-starved, and following the whispers against her nerves was just as easy as letting anger take the help. The Chimera pinned beneath her was a prey creature and a challenger rolled all into one; instinct, spurred by pain and fury and the moons, held the same answer for both. The Turnskin's head lunged forward with a snarling growl, fangs bared, towards Kaede's throat.]

[But it was that same surge of instinct that froze her in place, sharp predator's teeth pressed lightly against skin. She's one of yours. Stop. One of Fang's pack. Kaede was Chariot's, her fellow Bonded, and by extension, hers.]

[Fang pulled back slowly, the storm beating on her back, her features settling into a bristling wariness. Was that enough?]

[Something sharp pressed against her throat--something that would have made a human mind freeze. The animal one panicked, the Chimera thrashing first feebly, then wildly to get away, somewhere, somehow. The damaged tine snapped, a piece of antler as long as a finger breaking away. The sudden gap, and the sudden release of the points at her throat gave Kaede just enough room to move an arm, catch the Turnskin's side--and shove her bodily away.

The sodden, feathered Monster rolled to her feet--but this time she didn't get up to charge again, staying slouched forwards on four limbs like a beast as she dragged in breath after breath to try and fill her lungs. A moment, if her opponent just gave her a moment--

Opponent?

This was Fang. Chariot's Bonded. Someone...important, to Kaede too, even if it was mostly through their shared connection.

Not an opponent.]

[A flurry of violent movement, and Fang hit the street again with an oof, this time on her side. This go around was different—the tone of the encounter changed in the way Kaede thrashed, in the stance she took, and Fang was slow to push herself up to sit—not to stand.]

[She looked after the Chimera not too far away. The adrenaline was fading; her wounds and various other scratches and bruises throbbed horribly, and the cold putting a numbing, clumsy edge on what didn't.]

[Fang was getting so very tired of being in pain.]

[For all that the Turnskin remained sitting in the drenched street, staring down Kaede, the tension didn't leave her, even if the challenge did. the newly reignited embers in her spirit dwindled as the guilt reasserted itself again, but didn't flicker out entirely this time.]

[This wasn't about her choice anymore, was it?]

[(Why was she doing this?)

Hadn't it been enough, that she finally knew? Hadn't it been enough, to see Fang in miserable pieces? What else did Kaede deserve out of this? Overreaction? A child's petty understanding of retribution?

(It wasn't fair.)

The Chimera still crouched there, chest aching, neck throbbing from how her antlers twisted. The bite, the welts, were nothing. The rain, distracting as it was, couldn't pull her thoughts away this time.

Not when the evidence of her choice was staring her in the face, blood streaming red over Fang's brow and cheek, the eye pinched shut. Kaede didn't even know if it was still there. Distant revulsion set in, then regret, then guilt--always guilt. Anger wasn't enough to push her past these.

The Chimera had struck first. And now she was the first to look away.

The rain fell on and on, constant and uncaring.]

[It said something about these alien impulses of theirs, that the moment Kaede glanced aside, something whispered, strike now.]

[But it was just an inkling; a little intrusive thought, annoying as a gnat. Fang stood, stiffly, brushing the plastered hair out of her face again. How the hell did they get to this point?]

[You did that.]

[Right. An apology loaded itself on the tip of her tongue, but—for what? For Fang's decision? For the lack of foresight in telling Kaede? For fighting back? For not stopping her?]

[The Turnskin spared a lingering look at the other drenched Monster, both too close and too far. No. An apology, right now, would just be another unwanted blow for both of them. Thunder grumbled again, and Fang gingerly lifted a hand to her face to feel around her eye. Kaede still hadn't moved, nor spoke, so...]

[Fang wasn't sure if it was a show of trust in showing her back as she walked off, back towards the Coven, or a declaration of finality. There was no point in this.]

[Kaede's ears twitched at the sound of movement that didn't belong, her head snapping around. She began to bristle when Fang stood, looking at her—but the taller woman didn't sink into a posture to attack from. Didn't seem angry at how Kaede had torn her face to ribbons. She just looked...tired.

And then she turned—and walked away. For a brief moment, Kaede's mind sparked indignant; was she really—was she that unimportant?

But. Who was she to ask?

Kaede's mind grasped for answers, for things that could possibly justify this. The moons—an excuse. The energy she'd become so dependent on wearing paper thin—also an excuse. Anger, that had gone ashen cold and exposed her actions for what they were. That the thing who'd hurt someone so important to her was in front of her, admitting so—because Fang's hand was forced in an impossible decision. The real culprits had been dead and cold in the ground for a month. What justification was that?

All this little spat had done was leave Fang with a clawed up face, and made Kaede drop her book. Maybe its waterproofing had held up better than that on her sodden cloak.

Stiffly, Kaede stood; the cold rain had already made her joints feel creaky. She shook the water from her antlers, her hair from her face, collected her book—and vanished into the gloom.]

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[closed] I think I've thought myself to death

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