middaeg | [CLOSED] A Familiar Fear

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[CLOSED] A Familiar Fear

Who: Yuma Ilvern and Kor Meteor
When: Later in March
Where: Their home
What: Yuma struggles to control his Harpy side while still being unbonded. Luckily, he gets a little help just in time...
Warnings: none; will update if needed

[ Yuma really would have preferred a calmer night. Not that he's never dealt with thunderstorms before, but for some reason tonight they're setting him on edge. Perhaps it's the fact that his mind is swarming with stressful thoughts anyway, and the occasional bursts of thunder from outside are an unwelcome addition. The full moon had brought Yuma a more drastic set of changes compared to last time; namely a feathered tail and a small set of wings about four feet long each. The rough skin on his hands seems to have spread as well, looking suspiciously bird-like alongside his claws. But the physical changes, while alarming (especially with them being permanent), were easy enough to handle. He got the hang of that sort of thing all the time whenever he used to use the Shining Dragon's power. No, the real struggle was with what was happening in his mind.

Stray thoughts, instinctive reactions, and frayed nerves; all of which felt foreign and yet intrusively familiar. He's dealt with this before whenever he struggled to control the Shining Dragon, doing everything he could to push it back, not unlike throwing his weight at a door to desperately keep it shut. Yet the more he does it here, the stronger they get, leaving him lost and confused. On top of that, he's been unbonded since his arrival. Not that he's entirely certain how that's supposed to help him, only that it is.

Alone in his room with no adequate distractions to keep him occupied, the mental feedback loop he's found himself in spirals out of control before he can keep a decent grip on his senses. Before he knows it, suddenly his room is too small. He feels cramped. Chained down. Trapped. And in the midst of all of this, a particularly loud crash of lightning ends up being the last straw.

His immediate response to this is…far from peaceful. There's a crashing sound as the end table near his bed is knocked over, and some of his belongings are displaced and fall to the floor as he scrambles about in a panicked frenzy. Before long, numerous parts of Yuma's room are covered in scratches from his claws, several feathers having fallen and scattered about as well. Most of the scratches are located on a standalone cabinet on one end of the room, thanks to Yuma's clumsy and fear-driven efforts to climb it.

Atop the cabinet, Yuma hunches over like some kind of feathery gargoyle. He's breathing rapidly, his eyes wide and unfocused as they dart from shadow to shadow in his already-darkened room. His choker - the very same one he insists on never taking off, even when sleeping - is absent, having ended up on the floor in the middle of his room. His night shirt is more than a little torn up around his sleeves and collar, likely due to his panic from earlier.

He's scared. Terrified. Nothing Yuma tries to calm himself down seems to be working, and climbing on top of the cabinet is only helping so much. At least he's off the floor, but he's either too scared to move or too tired to. He's not entirely sure which.

Eventually, Yuma hears someone approaching his room, and his gaze snaps to the door. For a moment, he's relieved; he could really use company right now. But just as that feeling comes, it vanishes, replaced once more by an aggressive fear. For now, he doesn't make a sound. Not that he'll be too hard to find, albeit probably looking a little ominous.

Though whether his visitor is someone he recognizes, let alone trusts, remains to be seen. ]

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[ Any other time, such a greeting would do much to calm Yuma's nerves and reassure him. Unfortunately, with his current state of mind, it doesn't really accomplish much right now. Yuma just presses himself further back in the corner, a low hiss escaping his throat. His lifts his wings a little; not that he can fly with how small and weak they are right now, but the ruffled feathers on them are a clear indicator of just how much he was frantically scrambling about earlier.

The light glints off of his choker on the floor, enough to distract Yuma as he glances towards it. It's not enough to hold it for long, though, and he returns to staring at Kor with an expression of wary fear, the low sound in the back of his throat only accompanied by the rain pouring down outside. ]

[...Hmm, okay. Yuma's acting weird. Sure, he's not the most socially capable guy around, but he's always been friendly and nice in Kor's interactions with him. So seeing him like this is... weird. He's acting like... a scared animal.

...Right, Yuma's a monster. Maybe monster instincts are kicking in? But Yuma's more than a monster, he's also a person. So... does Kor try to appeal to his human side? Or does he try to calm his animal side? Geez, this is hard. This place needs monster-handling classes.

Kor kneels on the ground, bringing himself down to Yuma's level so he'd look less threatening.]

Yuma, what's wrong? This isn't like you.

[He'd just have to do both. Somehow.]

[ Quite frankly, Yuma isn't sure what would calm him down. Part of him wants Kor out of his space, because this is his territory and no one else belongs in it. Part of him wants to just get out of there and fly as high as he can. Part of him wants the lightning to stop already-CRASH

Yuma flinches again, pushing himself against the wall and letting out another fearful screech. However, as Kor talks, part of Yuma's mind that was being buried in fear and fury is slowly coaxed back out. His wings lower, his stance relaxes just a hair or two. While his eyes are still wide with fear, they aren't as wide as they were before. There's another low hissing noise from him, but he doesn't seem ready to lash out anymore.

He's still on edge, but Kor's words are undoubtedly reaching him. Yuma - not the Harpy, but Yuma - is listening. ]

[Is it the storm that has him so spooked? That's pretty childish, Yuma. But it reminds him of something, from his own childhood. Something that really helped him back then, so maybe it would help Yuma. ]

I remember... the first time I ever a thunderstorm. The sound had me so scared I hid under my blankets and cried.

[he approaches Yuma slowly, taking just a single step forward. ]

But Gramps told me that a thunderstorm was just the sound of the sky making new stars behind the clouds. And then... after that, thunderstorms weren't scary to me anymore, no matter how loud or startling they were. It meant I got to look forward to seeing a beautiful starry sky afterwards!

[Kor laughs, a cheerful carefree laugh as he reminisces about this time. ]

I know he was just telling me that to get me to calm down now, but at the time, it really did seem like it was true!

[ That first step that Kor takes has Yuma tense momentarily, but his continuing voice keeps him steady. It's something for him to focus on, and it's helping him calm down bit by bit. Admittedly, most of his focus is on Kor's voice rather than the words he's offering, but he hears them all the same. That cheerful laugh of his especially helps to calm him down, even as the Harpy remains wary.

A sky full of stars above the thunderclouds... The very thought of it is enticing, but also relaxing. Yuma's flown through the night sky before - not as he is now, but as the Shining Dragon back home - and it's always been an exhilarating experience. The stars and the moon shining brilliantly above, while the world races by below. Sometimes he'd even swoop down to skim across a lake, if he could manage. Of course, that was all long before he'd learned the hard way to fear the very power he'd been playing around with.

Not that the Shining Dragon was such a hazard anymore. No, his power was gone...along with his words of comfort and advice. Instead, Yuma had some vague semblance of something to wrestle with instead, and he had no idea how to do it.

A long silence passes, as Yuma catches his breath. He opens his mouth, silent for a moment, then he finally speaks. ]

...I...

[ Yuma's gaze softens a little. His voice seems...rough, not necessarily from strain but more because he's still trying to straighten himself out a little. ]

...I-I wasn't always...so scared of it....

[ And, of course, his uncertainty is still very much intact. Though that's probably a good thing right now, all things considered. He's not completely calm yet, but he's getting there. Whatever Kor is trying, it's working. ]

Mmm...

[There we go, now Yuma is starting to show his true self again. Kor takes another step forward.]

People change. Day by day, week by week, even month by month... But it's not a bad thing, you know? It's just proof you're growing as a person.

[He takes another step forward, this time extending a hand out.]

And we're all in this together. Changing together. Growing together.

[He smiles.]

That's what it means to live.

[ Yuma hesitates. Changing... He'd been advised against that long ago, told to not change who he was. Of course, it was in a much different context than this, and admittedly he hadn't fully understood the Dragon's counsel at the time either. But right now, the way Kor says it...maybe it's not something he should be so afraid of. It's not so much authority that Kor seems to speak with, but rather a deep understanding. ]

What it...means to live...

[ Kor's been kind to him from day one, sometimes to a goofy extent. Yuma has little reason to doubt him, and that trust is going a long way in getting him calmed back down. It's also distracting him from whatever his mental changes are doing to him, pulling him away from that internal fight...which, as it just so happens, is exactly what he needs to do to settle down. Yes, he's still scared. Yes, he still feels chained down and trapped. He still hates that. But he's not alone. He has friends here.

Letting out a shaky breath, Yuma finally relaxes, cautiously reaching out to take Kor's hand. His own hand is a bit rough now - and he has to watch his claws, too - but the physical contact helps him shift his focus. Finally back in his right mind, Yuma steps out of his corner, his gaze falling momentarily before he makes eye contact again. It's his same anxious, apologetic expression that he wears whenever he worries about something. ]

Kor...? H-How long was I, uh...

[ He sort of lost track of time, as one tends to do when they're in an unintentional feral panic. Though, Yuma's glad that Kor showed up before things got much worse. ]

[When Yuma grabs Kor's hand, he grips Yuma's firmly, helping him up to his feet as he pulls him off the ground. Heh, who says you need to be able to Spiria Link to solve someone's emotional crisis?]

I dunno, a couple minutes? I found you like this, so I'm not really sure how long you were out of it.

[He's just telling it like it is, Yuma. Sorry.]

[ Yuma breathes a sigh of relief. Well, it could have been worse. He's in his right mind now, but it's quite evident that he still feels guilty about the whole things. ]

I'm glad I didn't hurt you.

[ Yes, that's his primary concern. Not the state his room is in, or even his belongings, or even himself. Maybe he yelled at Kor a bit, but he didn't hurt him. That's all he needs to rest a bit easier.

Out of some habit, he reaches up for...wait, where's his amulet? His eyes widen in fear for a moment before he finds it on the floor not far away, and he picks it up and inspects it. Good, it's still intact. But how scared must he have been to remove it? And why? He gently puts it back on, fastening it snugly back in place around his neck and smoothing out some of the feathers poking out of the collar of his shirt while he's at it. ]

I thought this sort of thing only got bad during the full moons, but I guess I was wrong. It just keeps getting worse the more I try to keep it in check...

[ If his tone of voice is anything to go by, he's very anxious about it. This isn't like the Shining Dragon, where he can just opt to not use his power in the first place. He doesn't have a choice about what the Harpy wants, and the Harpy seems perfectly content to give him trouble. Yuma's been trying to hide it from Kor, but...well. So much for that. ]

[As Kor watches Yuma fret over his predicament, his mind wanders back to a conversation he had with Sora about bonds. About how they worked here and what they did for both sides.

It helps monsters with their changes.

Yuma is Kor's friend, so he wants to help him. He doesn't entirely get what going through these monster changes are like, what it must feel like, how it affects you... But he can see plain as day that Yuma is struggling with it. So if he can help him by bonding with him, well... Then the choice is clear, right?]

A friend of mine told that bonds help monsters keep their changes under control so... Let's form a bond!

[ Indeed, Yuma is struggling quite a bit with his predicament. He's already mentally running through ways to handle it, from finding some form of temporary solution to just leaving the city entirely. Not that he's left wondering what he should do for long, as Kor already seems to have something in mind. ]

Wh- Huh?

[ Kor's eagerness catches Yuma off guard. You'd think he'd be used to it by now. ]

Right... I remember someone talking about that not too long ago. Having a bond is supposed to help with changes and stuff like that. But...are you sure?

[ Yuma knows it's supposed to help monsters, but he isn't very knowledgeable about how it affects the other side of things. What if there are downsides or dangers to it that he's not aware of? He wouldn't want to throw anyone, especially a friend, into trouble just for his own sake. That, and forming a Bond is supposed to be a particularly big deal, not to be taken lightly.

It's still a better option than fleeing town and letting him descend into feral madness somewhere out in the wild, at least. ]

Sure, I'm sure!

[His response comes out almost instantaneous, without a hint of hesitation behind it.]

You're my friend, so I want to do something to help you. Plus, I need to form a bond anyway, so it's win-win!

[He had the importance of forming a bond outlined pretty heavily to him, and he was starting to feel the effects of not having the magical outlets that having a bond would provide. So this really couldn't have happened at a better time.]

[ ...on second thought, what else could he have expected? Kor was absolutely the type of person to make a decision like that. He can't help but crack a smile; Kor might be an oddball at times, but there's no doubting the goodness of his heart.

He's still a little uncertain about some of the details, himself. Particularly how bonds involves "opening up" a lot. But Kor is more than trustworthy in Yuma's eyes, so maybe that won't be so much of a problem. ]

You would? ...Thanks, Kor, I h-

[ Touching as this moment is, hopefully neither of them forgot that there's still a thunderstorm going on outside, because:

CRASH ]

GAH!

[ Yuma frantically covers his head with both his arms and his wings. Yeah, the storm is still startling to him. Though granted, that was a much more human reaction than...whatever it was he was doing earlier. ]

[Kor... May have forgotten about the thunderstorm, considering he was contemplating the two of them running off to find somebody to officiate their bond right now. The sooner Yuma could be helped, the better!]

Eep!

[Yuma suddenly screaming like that catches Kor off-guard, causing him to jump. Well, that plan was a bust. How could he expect Yuma to go out in a thunderstorm that has him scared stiff?]

I guess we'll have to wait until the storm passes before we can make things official.

[ Yuma blinks. Wait, Kor was planning on going now? Or was he just saying that remark in passing? ...honestly, Yuma wouldn't put the former past him. ]

Y-Yeah. I don't mind getting rained on, but maybe we should wait out the thunder...

[ He really, really would rather not be making any trips during a storm. ]

But really, Kor... You've been so kind to me ever since I got here, even when we barely knew each other. I could've hurt you just now, but you stayed here until I came back to my senses. And now, you're even willing to form a Bond with me, just like that?

[ It's. A lot, from someone he barely knows. Yuma would expect this from the village he grew up in, where people went out of their way for him out of reverence and often fear as well. The Dragoneers are willing to help him for similar reasons. But Kor is neither of those things. He doesn't know about that side of Yuma at all. And yet here he is, offering him kindness and a helping hand anyway.

Yuma definitely appreciates it, that much he's made clear. A Bond would definitely help him out. But he's still a little stunned that Kor would make such a big decision at the drop of a hat, just because it could help him. Not that Yuma is really that different, when you get down to it, but he always has trouble whenever he's on the receiving end of these things. ]

Well, yeah, of course I would. You're my friend.

[Whereas Yuma is stunned by Kor's decisions, Kor sees nothing odd about it. It's just all part of his philosophy, his way of life. He's known Yuma for about a month now. Sure, it's not the longest friendship, definitely nothing like childhood friends or anything like that, but... Yuma was his friend all the same, and he liked Yuma. It was only natural that he'd want to help him out, and he'd do the same for any of his other friends too, without question.]

Gramps always taught me that I should always help out those in need, and also that a smile is the most powerful weapon in the world. So if me helping you out here by forming a bond with you makes sure you can keep smiling? Then of course that's what I'm gonna do. It's only natural.

[ Kor's logic is admittedly pretty hard to argue with. Yuma would do the same thing if it were any of his own friends (he's fairly selfless, after all, despite his timid tendencies), though whether or not at the drop of a hat was slightly more debatable.

Yet there's something about Kor's casual-yet-certain tone that sets him at ease. He's not known him for long and it's still taking a little getting used to, but Kor's nigh unstoppable friendliness almost feels comforting, especially given what Kor knows (or doesn't know) about Yuma. ]

Your Gramps sounds like a pretty great guy.

[ If he's teaching Kor to be so kind-hearted and comforting him during thunderstorms, how bad can he be? ~~Yuma no~~

But, well, Yuma's smiling. He's a little tired, and it's the kind of smile that still has a tinge of sadness to it, but it's a smile nonetheless. ]

Kor... Thanks. It really means a lot to me.

[Only someone like Kor could actually take his grandfather's lessons and pull only the positive part of them out of them.

Seeing Yuma smiling is enough to get Kor smiling, his smile big and wide and full of cheer. He's glad to see that Yuma's feeling better. Though, that does leave the little lightning fright. That's gonna be a problem...]

Why don't you come sleep out in the common area tonight instead of here? We can hang out until we pass out!

[He'll keep you safe from the thunder, Yuma.]

[ Well, it doesn't sound like the thunderstorm is about to end too terribly soon, and Yuma doesn't really want to stick around long enough to be startled again. Still, he hesitates enough for his wariness to show again. Leave his space unattended? Where anyone can wander in? Why?

...but after a few moments, and a deep breath for good measure, Yuma manages to calm himself again. He'll just lock the door behind him. It's fine. ]

Sure, that sounds like a great idea.

[ He's still worried, honestly. After all, he's not sure just how good a hold he has on his instincts. But as long as he isn't alone, he'll be fine, right? He can at least hold off until it's clear enough outside to go get that Bond taken care of. Besides, hanging out with friends always does him good. ]

Edited (html whyyyy) 2020-03-12 02:26 (UTC)

[Awww yeah, gonna have a sleepover with Yuma. This is the most exciting thing to happen to Kor all day, so he's pretty stoked.

With that settled, he turns away from Yuma.]

Hey... I'll race you there. Last one there has to go find blankets!

[Kor, it's not exactly a long trip.]

[ Yuma is never going to get over how quickly Kor can shift gears. Not that it's bad; in a way it's helping Yuma keep his mind off of more stressful things.

And before he knows it, Kor is turning on a dime and challenging him to a race. It takes him by surprise at first. ]

Huh?! W-wait!

[ Well, if Kor wants a race against Yuma, even if they're just heading down the hall, then it's a race he'll get! Although Kor has a bit of an unfair advantage; Yuma may be lighter but his changes are going to make him more prone to tripping over his own feet until he regains a better sense of balance.

Yuma welcomes such lightheartedness with open arms, though. Hesitant he may be, he still likes to have fun every once in a while, and Kor's optimism is doing much to keep his mind off the storm outside. ]

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[CLOSED] A Familiar Fear

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