[Increasingly, L realizes that he is speaking to an unfiltered version of Mello that is informed more by alcohol than by wisdom. He has no space to criticize it, not when he was off his head so recently due to the substance... but it throws things into sharper and harsher relief to see some uncharitable version of what he thinks and feels flung back at him.

It's not a perfect reflection, just as they don't share a perfect Bond... but some of it slots seamlessly into place. L's fears, specifically, are things that Mello insists on with such passionate conviction that he must know they aren't unfounded.

Is his resonation with Myr so strong because the faun doesn't ask him to be some final, definite answer to all of the universe's endless questions? Even the gentlest and kindest presences in L's life have demanded the impossible from him, moving the goalpost when he managed and feeling outrage and despair when he failed.

And of course, none of them were as harsh or demanding as L himself, in the end.]

I don't know.

[It's possibly the most honest thing L has said in recent memory, and it is in full agreement with every shift in his body language, tone and expression. His back forms a question mark; his eyes are tense around the edges.]

It isn't your fault. I know that you believe it, but... being "well" has never been a priority for either of us.

[Can they even define it, much less aspire to it for themselves or each other?]

Maybe I'm to blame.