middaeg | [ CATCH-ALL ] in spite of all my fears

[ Flat has told Waver where he lives, though Waver's never been before. Even after what happened the previous month, when Waver had been intending to go visit him, he'd waffled uncertainly for too long; Flat had beat him to it.

Now, with the barely-waning moons still tugging at his mind and instincts, he can't settle down. Yesterday had been the worst of it, and he'd stayed home, close to Iskandar and focused on trying to relax and not to focus on the pain in his bones or the way everything seemed too intense from scent to sound to anger and desire. Iskandar can handle it.

Waver doesn't want to bother Flat with his new burdens again. But he hasn't been able to stop thinking about it: what he did, how they hurt each other, why he still feels so wretched about it even when Flat had hurt him too and they'd talked about it. The realization appears more as instinct than thought.

Somehow, whether due to Flat's tales of how the future-him had cared for Flat or due to their strange sort-of friendship here -- or both -- Waver has come to think of the other boy as one of... his. Part of his pack. The thought isn't conscious, but the feeling is there, and around this time of the month, it's strong.

It's a bit late when Waver knocks on Flat's door, not so late as to be truly unreasonable but later than would normally be polite. Catching Flat's scent beyond the door, Waver's tail quivers in anticipation, waiting for him to appear. ]

[ at that moment, flat was sleeping.

if he had to be honest with himself, flat had realized that he was sleeping quite a bit more than usual. his body always felt a bit exhausted, and sleeping for half of the day was becoming more and more of a habit for him.

it was a little frustrating he had to admit.

bringing his head up from the book he was using as a pillow (rarely he made it to his bed, usually ending up on the couch or the floor) he hears the knocking on the door. whatever time of the night it was doesn't matter to flat--the curiosity of knowing who was behind the door knocking was more than enough to get him to open, enough to see who the person is. ]

W-Waver?

[ flat is definitely surprised. to think that waver came to his place, and so late, too! there must be something happening. something he needs or wants-- but what could he want from him?

flat looks behind his shoulder, back to his apartment. it's dark because he forgot to turn the lamps on, but it's fine. ]

Um, come in! If you want? If not, that's fine too.

[ he opens the door entirely, hovering awkwardly in case waver actually does want to come in. if only he had known he was going to have guests! ]

[ It's dark, but that doesn't bother Waver, whose eyes can see better in darkness these days. They glint, flashing pinpoints of light in the shadows. His ears swivel forward eagerly as he presses closer, barely waiting for Flat's invitation.

It's probably awkward, and he's sort of trying to control himself, but he just wants to walk around Flat and scent him... and get his scent on him. It's difficult to deny the need.

Instead, Waver takes a deep breath and attempts to settle for a handshake. From closer than he probably should have been standing for a normal, polite gesture. Actually, he ends up sort of just grabbing Flat's hand whether he offers it or not... ]

H-hey, Flat. I just thought I'd... stop by.

[ Waver's claws are long and untrimmed right now (they won't stay trimmed even if he tries, not around the full moons). Even when he can resist the transformation, there's something about him that looks more... wild. Certainly though, it's not at all approaching how he'd been when the moons' influence had mixed with the mists last month.

Waver clasps Flat's hand a bit too long, surreptitiously sniffing the air around him, when he realizes how sleepy he looks. Oh, no. ]

Ah! Sorry, did I wake you?

[ Waver lets go, taking a quick half-step back. ]

[ when waver takes his hand so suddenly, flat doesn’t seem all that shocked or bothered by it. he stares at it curiously, giving it a squeeze back. a handshake! however, waver will be able to notice the patch on his forearm, like it’s hiding some sort of injury.

however, he has seen similarly weird behavior before—from svin, actually. this was how he always acted, without a sense of personal space, sniffing and looking just like... a dog. and, having seen waver under the effects of the mist, this level of feral behavior isn’t frightening in the least.

he realizes that it’s the day after the full moon—how does he act the day of? flat hopes he can see that one day.

but when waver lets go, abashed by having woken him up, flat laughs, taking his hand again. ]

It’s fine! I feel totally rested, so please, come in!

[ he turns on a lamp, which is enough to show the main room for what it is. and what it is is...something just as strange as flat himself. it’s like something devoid of actual warmth, as if something had simply arrived there and took shelter, rather than someone actually living there.

where most of the activity happens is in the edge of the living room. papers are scattered about, like a flurry—if waver checks any of them out, he’ll see that they’re written in multiple languages. french and english, but also in glyphs and numbers, like they have some meaning to flat. there’s books, all of them in different subjects, and vials with something dark in them.

there’s also a blanket there—clearly, thats where flat had been sleeping. ]

So there’s not much I can offer... but how are you? Is the full moon still affecting you?

Sure... if it's all right.

[ He's already basically come in, but the invitation eases some of Waver's sheepishness, and he lets Flat pull him all the way inside and close the door behind them. The light isn't entirely necessary for Waver, but it does illuminate some things that hadn't been as clear at a glance. They're still not entirely clear. That whole corner is...?? Waver wonders what's in the vials.

But he wonders more what the bandage on Flat's arm is. He steps closer again, watching him. ]

It's all right. I don't need any--

Huh?

[ The blunt question catches Waver off-guard. His ears twitch, and his cheeks color. ]

I- I guess... a little...

[ He would have denied it, if not for the guilt of what had happened last time when he'd lost control. That hadn't just been the moons, of course, but it's going to be haunting him for a bit, it seems. ]

I'm okay, though. I'm... me. Don't worry.

[ I'm not going to attack you. ]

Well of course you’re you, I can see that!

[ waver doesn’t need to come any closer, because it’s flat that gets close up, studying him for a second with that chipper smile of his. if he was concerned about being attacked, he wasn’t showing it one bit.

and, in all honesty, he wasn’t. ]

I was just wondering if you needed help. I’m currently trying to work with the bit of poison that C-Berserker gave me, but I haven’t been able to make it into anything good yet. So it’d be no good. But that’s fine! Le Chien used to get like this sometimes too.

[ he sits back down on the floor, looking at the papers like they mean something to him. then he throws them to the side, looking up at waver with a big smile. ]

So! What’s up?

[ ...help? What kind of 'help' is Flat offering? Waver's flush deepens a little more, uncomfortably, his ears lowering. He feels silly coming out here, waking Flat up. Now what?

Yet, at the same time, as he sits down alongside Flat on the floor to peer at his array of random curiosities, Waver feels a lot better about being near him. Reaffirming this is someone who is in his 'pack' and who he wants to protect, even though he hurt him recently. Waver scoots closer, unconsciously. His instincts still push him insidiously, without his really realizing it, the constant nagging desire to make sure his scent is here and stays with Flat, claiming him as one of his own.

Right now, Waver settles for simply kneeling beside him, just a little closer than is likely polite. ]

How would poison help me?

[ Waver gathers quickly enough who 'C-Berserker' is supposed to be. ]

I just... wanted to drop by and make sure you're doing all right. [ Waver admits sheepishly. It sounds kind of weird saying it aloud, huh? ]

All healed and... whatever. What happened to your arm?

Not much as it is right now! But don't all medicines come from things that are poisonous?

[ flat shrugs, not appearing to care about the distance between himself and waver. he's had more than enough from svin to be used to it, and his own concept of personal space is skewed enough to view this as normal.

when waver asks about his arm, however, flat can't help but laugh a little. ]

Ah~ that's right. Berserker bit me during the masquerade. It wasn't that bad though--I wanted to see what his poison was like, so he bit me a little. [ he takes off the patch. there's not much there anymore, but the teeth marks are still visible as thin scars. ] That's what inspired me to try and make something with it! But I don't seem to be having any luck so far.

Eh?! You asked him to...? With the venom?

[ 'A little?'

Waver stares at him, baffled. He's not even angry, just sort of wtf. And maybe a little embarrassed, for some reason. And maybe a little... no, not jealous, but annoyed. A flare of possessive irritation grips him, and even Waver doesn't know who it's cropping up over, whether it's Flat or Berserker.

Though it's hidden by the collar of his shirt, his own neck bears evidence of those same teeth marks, even if he only barely remembers the night last month. Possibly the same night he'd later hurt Flat--

No. He doesn't want to think about it. He's here to make things better, not dwell.

Waver scoots closer. ]

Don't be so irresponsible. What if it had affected you badly? What are you even trying to make? You can't decide to grab random volatile magical ingredients on a whim and splash them together and hope you'll come up with something useful.

Well, I wanted to know what the venom was like. He suggested biting me, and here we are!

[ flat notices the way that waver's getting irritated, the way that he moves closer to him to reprimand him for his recklessness. and yet all he can do is continue to smile pleasantly at him, even laughing a little.

his eyes however, were sharp, almost as if trying to see through waver himself. he himself scoots closer. not touching, but close. ]

I thought you trusted Berserker, Waver. And he's my friend, so I know that he won't hurt me unless I ask him to. Besides, haven't most of the greatest scientific discoveries been made through accidents?

Why are you asking him to?!

[ Waver looks genuinely wounded for a moment, though he tries to cover it up with the incredulous question that actually has nothing to do with the sinking, sick feeling the reminder brings: he'd hurt Flat, without being asked, and he feels like a shit friend for it. This is someone he needs to protect and keep an eye on. It's shameful.

--dammit. He really can't shake the thought. ]

That doesn't even sound like an accident. What are you playing around with here?

[ Waver gestures sharply at the other vials and papers and mess. ]

If you make your flat-- a-apartment explode... I'm not helping you!

Oh man, you don't know how many times I've accidentally let out poison gas in my dorm back in the Clock Tower.

[ he looks at the vials, and the papers that waver's pointing to, nodding. ]

I don't think I can really explain it to you. They're just....tests! Different concentrations and what not. I was inspired by toads and mushrooms-- but none of this is volatile! I mean, I'm sure I could make it volatile and have it be used as a weapon...

[ his voice trails off, picking up a paper to study it. the thing is practically all made up of ciphers and practically incomprehensible gibberish, but flat somehow seems to read it naturally.

ah well, that's for later. ]

Anyways, what's wrong with me asking him to hurt me? If it's what I want and if it's what he wants, isn't it okay? Or--

[ and that's when flat gets as close as possible, his smile widening as their noses are practically touching. ]

--are you jealous? Do you want me to ask you to hurt me?

Don't you dare--!

[ Waver starts to scold him again, but any attempt to deflect by focusing on his experimental potions or even learn if there's any validity to Flat's work here is derailed by Flat's next question.

And then Flat's face where it's suddenly all Waver can see and focus on, the warmth of the other boy's breath ghosting over his lips, the scent of him intensely close.

Waver reels back, red-faced and heart racing. ]

No!

I don't want to hurt you, you idiot!

But you’re jealous!

[ flat is relentless in his declaration, expressing it with a chipper tone and smile even after waver reels back. it’s the red in his face that continues to grip flat’s interest—what an incredible reaction!

he quirks his head to the side, eyes focused on waver. ]

So what do you want, then? You can tell me, you know? Anything!

[ Waver doesn't even deny it. He doesn't know what to say.

Flat's being so pushy, and his instincts are being pushy too, and it's getting harder and harder to remember he he doesn't need to give in.

Waver rights himself, sitting up straight on his knees, fists clenched atop his thighs. His breathing sounds too shallow, a little strained. ]

This was a mistake. I only came here to- to check on your health.

I don't want anything.

....

[ flat looks at waver, his smile replaced by something a lot more neutral. it’s a long silence as he considers what to do or how to process what waver is saying. he doesn’t necessarily believe him, but...

he shrugs. ]

Alright.

[ he turns away from waver just like that, returning to what he was working on. if waver doesn’t want anything, then that’s that! almost as if no longer interested, he goes back to organizing his papers and closing books he didn’t need.

yes, he’s giving waver the cold shoulder on purpose. ]

[ ...alright?

Waver remains where he is a while longer, watching Flat in flustered, frustrated silence. He waits for more, an explanation, for Flat to start talking about his research again or start another conversation, but there's only awkward silence instead.

And Flat moves away.

Waver's fists tighten in his own lap, a silent reminder to himself to exercise restraint, when all he wants to do is scoot closer again. His ears flatten anxiously, his shoulders and jaw tight. ]

So, you're...

[ He ventures to speak again finally, feeling intensely awkward. ]

...you're getting on with Berserker still?

[ Is he jealous? Fuck. That doesn't even make any sense! ]

[ the silence is awkward on only one side. flat works fine on his own, quickly tuning out waver's presence until the latter decided what to do with themselves. to be honest, he had half expected waver to leave the apartment as soon as he had begun to ignore him.

so it's a pleasant surprise to know that waver remains, trying to keep the conversation going. when he asks about berserker, flat falls back, laying down on the floor with his arms behind his head. ]

Getting on? I guess? He actually took me to speak with D-Lancer, so I think he's getting pretty serious about the wanting to Bond thing. He even told me his True Name a while back, too. I hadn't expected that at all.

[ he hums, thinking back on what has happened lately. ]

Ah, and this girl--Asahi Yuki--she looked like she needed some help getting a Bond, so I told her I'd do it temporarily. I should probably look for her soon, now that I think about it.

C-Berserker and D-Lancer, huh?

[ Waver huffs a noise that's sort-of a laugh. His ears perk up a little, tentatively. ]

I know their names, you know. It's a good idea to take the offer. But you already know I think that, too.

[ He's been trying to push another friend toward the same, though Flat doesn't actually seem to be struggling that much. Yet.

The mention of someone he's never even heard of as a potential Bond partner shouldn't have surprised Waver as much as it does. He's not even that close with Flat, and of course they each know a bunch of people the other doesn't, which is how existing generally works. So the flicker of sudden, possessive annoyance takes Waver as completely by surprise as the mention of this stranger's name.

His lip curls, canines flashing. ]

You'd do a temporary Bond with her, but when I offered, you said no so fast you'd've thought the very idea was something absolutely revolting?

You really do get jealous quickly, huh? You really are like Le Chien.

[ flat doesn’t seem to be shaken at all by waver’s anger, commenting on it in a neutral tone. he glances up at him with a somewhat mild expression, almost as if studying his reaction.

he sighs. ]

I still feel that way...but it’s not as bad if it’s with her. Because she’s a stranger, you know? It makes it easier if she ends up being creeped out by me or something like that. I just want to help her because she needs it—isn’t that what you and Diarmuid did? I just...

[ flat’s voice trails off, eyes still fixed on waver as he tries to find the correct words to say. he feels like a fish out of water all of the sudden, from the way that he opens and closes his mouth. these feelings are too jumbled, too complicated to untangle.

so he smiles, a hint of loneliness in his eyes as he makes a meager attempt at explaining himself. ]

You’re my friend. You’re important to me. So that’s why I don’t want to bond with you.

It's nothing like that. Diarmuid wasn't a stranger.

[ He was an enemy. So it's worse? Waver brushes past that. ]

And I'm not jealous!

[ He doesn't know what he is. Maybe 'jealous' is the right word, but it doesn't... feel right. Maybe it's more like that smile Flat is giving him, closer to a feeling of being left behind or abandoned, though far more nebulous and harder to understand the reasoning behind.

Waver shakes his head, hair bouncing around his chin, his ears still down anxiously more than angrily. ]

I just don't understand... why you'd rather be with a stranger. To help her, yeah, I heard you, but--

If it was someone you consider a friend who needed help, would you say no? How does that make any sense?

[ He just keeps talking, knowing he should shut up, knowing this is stupid. Waver doesn't even know how he feels about them being 'friends' yet, especially considering the whole complicated Flat-knowing-a-future-him nonsense. So why does he feel so slighted, suddenly? Why the intensely possessive urge snarling in the back of his head? He shouldn't have come here. After he'd hurt Flat the last time he'd lost control, he shouldn't have risked it.

His tail is still behind him, tense with agitation. He's started lowering himself instinctively more into a crouch than a kneeling position, ready to move as needed-- though his logical mind has no idea why, struggling to get a grip on his conscious thoughts. ]

Do you need my help?

[ that’s all that flat really gets out of this. explaining his reasons to waver would be opening a can of worms that he himself can’t understand. he simply knows that that’s how his head works and that’s how it always will. ]

If a friend needed help, I’d agree, of course! But you’ve never needed my help have you? You have Rider and Diarmuid. But if it’s my help that you want, then tell me what you need and I’ll do my best!

[ Even if the way Flat says it doesn't sound like that, the words hit Waver like an accusation. He flinches back from it, from the guilt. The truth of it.

He doesn't need Flat. But he'd been kind of under the impression that Flat needed him, and in a twisted, awful way, that's what Waver needs. He doesn't really want to know all of a future that may or may not happen. Maybe he, the him that came here, was never destined to meet Flat. Or maybe he was, but not in their own world. It's all convoluted and confusing and uncomfortable, but something about the way Flat looks at him makes Waver want to hold onto that attachment.

Flat believes in him. Even if it's for reasons Waver doesn't know firsthand in this life, it's that sort of acknowledgement he's always craved, and so often been starved of.

What a selfish way to need someone.

Waver sighs, ears drooping, the tension leaving his shoulders in a slump. ]

No... You're right. Bond with whoever you want. You don't need my permission.

Sorry.

I'm not thinking clearly right now.

[ flat doesn’t really understand what waver’s going through right now. it’s impossible for him to really parse the feelings of his friend and professor-to-be, but he knows that it must be a sensitive subject. seeing him so sad, it makes his heart hurt a little bit, like a phantom pain that he can’t do anything with besides endure it.

he smiles at him, awkwardly reaching out, fingertips touching waver’s hair. ]

That’s fine. I just wish you’d be more honest with me, you know? You can’t say that you don’t need me and look so sad at the same time.

[ he drops his hand, sitting up. they’re close—too close, actually—but flat doesn’t mind. ]

It’s been a long time since someone has stayed the night with me. I guess being with Jack was kind of like a sleepover, but even that feels like forever ago. [ he brings his knees close to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. ] So you can stay, if you’d like. I’d really like it.

[ Unfortunately for Flat, being more honest with him is going to take Waver learning how to be more honest with himself first, but... he's trying. In his own way.

The touch startles him. Waver hadn't been looking, eyes down on his knees, but when he feels Flat's fingertips brush his temple, he doesn't flinch. His first and immediate reaction, before he can think better of it, is to lean in, practically nuzzling into Flat's palm as his hand withdraws.

He ends up leaning closer to Flat even as Flat sits back, heart thumping desperately, cheeks coloring with embarrassment when he catches him. And when Flat offers to let him... stay.

Waver stares at him a moment. His mouth drops half-open. ]

I'm not--

[ He stops, swallowing the instinctive urge to close himself off again, and instead allowing forward the other instinctive urge to seek closeness. It's hard, wanting both at once when he feels so vulnerable. One of them is easier; the other, however, might actually be better.

Be more honest.

Waver ducks his head, ears down, an unconsciously apologetic and almost submissive posture as he scoots closer again. ]

All right... I'll stay.

[ Or, rather-- ]

I want to stay. I was... worried about you. I wanted to see you. But I thought, 'what if you don't want to see me?'

[ He's trying. ]

[ CATCH-ALL ] in spite of all my fears

for flat, the day after the full moons.

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