And it'd have you, when you go. I love all those things, but you know if I went, it'd be for you.
[ He looked back to the window, again. The shadow of a bird flit past it, a speckled gull. ]
And I'd be a liability, to you. Let's say we get there, you use connections to... what, find me a place to fight? A place to be a strategist?
I'll be hated by people who worked to get hard where they are, and maybe I'll make some kinda difference, but I'll always be the upstart. The outsider. I'm a prickly fuck, and it'll get worse when I know I'm alone. I'll offend the wrong people. You'll come talk to me, eventually, because you must, and so much balances on your knight's reputation. I won't want to tarnish it... but I will. It's who I am, and I'll only change so much for you.
And you'd only change so much for me. Just a little, and mostly where nobody else could see.
[ He smiled and set an elbow on a knee, set his chin in his hand. ]
The other path? You do nothing and let me find my own way. And then what?
You consort with a common woodworker on weekends? Tch, I'm no fuckin' idiot. You're going back to work, and maybe we'll see each other plenty at first, but I'll get less novel, your work will be intense. I can see a time where we haven't seen each other for a seaon, then two, then a year.
It's... sweet. Seriously. I don't think you'd offer somethin' like that to... most people. But I'm not gonna chase after you like a puppy just to flirt when we're alone and tell myself that's enough. And I'm not gonna run from death to let a whole city of other people die. Not if I can stop it.
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[ He looked back to the window, again. The shadow of a bird flit past it, a speckled gull. ]
And I'd be a liability, to you. Let's say we get there, you use connections to... what, find me a place to fight? A place to be a strategist?
I'll be hated by people who worked to get hard where they are, and maybe I'll make some kinda difference, but I'll always be the upstart. The outsider. I'm a prickly fuck, and it'll get worse when I know I'm alone. I'll offend the wrong people. You'll come talk to me, eventually, because you must, and so much balances on your knight's reputation. I won't want to tarnish it... but I will. It's who I am, and I'll only change so much for you.
And you'd only change so much for me. Just a little, and mostly where nobody else could see.
[ He smiled and set an elbow on a knee, set his chin in his hand. ]
The other path? You do nothing and let me find my own way. And then what?
You consort with a common woodworker on weekends? Tch, I'm no fuckin' idiot. You're going back to work, and maybe we'll see each other plenty at first, but I'll get less novel, your work will be intense. I can see a time where we haven't seen each other for a seaon, then two, then a year.
It's... sweet. Seriously. I don't think you'd offer somethin' like that to... most people. But I'm not gonna chase after you like a puppy just to flirt when we're alone and tell myself that's enough. And I'm not gonna run from death to let a whole city of other people die. Not if I can stop it.
Not if I have even the smallest fuckin' chance.