[There's too much to say, too much that's been said that he can't answer to, not without sharing more than he's ever been comfortable with. And Asra, as much as he hates it, can't bring himself to open that part of himself, even after Julian's heart seems open and bare before him.
His hands tremble and he swallows thickly around the lump that chokes all the words that he could possibly say. He can't seem to give them voice and truthfully he doesn't feel that they would ever be enough for the harm he'd done in the past. He presses his hands down on Julian's shoulders and pushes himself off of him, standing in a slow movement and taking a step back. He doesn't want to have distance even now, a part of him wanting to stay close and remain in his company, although another part wants nothing more than to leave. He's always been particularly good at disappearing.]
I am sorry, Ilya. I wish I could give you an answer...
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[There's too much to say, too much that's been said that he can't answer to, not without sharing more than he's ever been comfortable with. And Asra, as much as he hates it, can't bring himself to open that part of himself, even after Julian's heart seems open and bare before him.
His hands tremble and he swallows thickly around the lump that chokes all the words that he could possibly say. He can't seem to give them voice and truthfully he doesn't feel that they would ever be enough for the harm he'd done in the past. He presses his hands down on Julian's shoulders and pushes himself off of him, standing in a slow movement and taking a step back. He doesn't want to have distance even now, a part of him wanting to stay close and remain in his company, although another part wants nothing more than to leave. He's always been particularly good at disappearing.]
I am sorry, Ilya. I wish I could give you an answer...