[ It works. If Gon is trying to distract him, keep Killua focused on himself and in the moment, he's succeeding. At least for now.
Killua grips his hand like it's his life raft to reality, clinging to the tenuous connection that keeps the nightmares and the darkness at bay. He stops trying to slam his head into the wall.
He just stares at Gon's face for a long time, breathing fast and loud in the silence between them after Gon repeats those words. Killua clings to them like he clings to Gon's fingers, painful and shaky, hard enough to hurt them both. Tears well in his blackened eyes, making tracks in the dirt and blood smeared across his cheeks. ]
You really are... a selfish idiot...
[ Killua sniffs, then coughs, wracking and wet and making his whole body and Gon's injured arm shake. The echo of the pain glances off his own, a dulled reverb between them. But they're both used to pain. The coughing turns to gasping, which turns then into laughter, thin and weak and disbelieving. It hurts too. His vision swims. ]
You picked a helluva time to blurt something like that.
[ With a yank of Gon's injured arm, Killua suddenly drags him forward, embracing him tightly and burying his filthy face into Gon's hair and fuzzy ear.
He should have known better. He should have stopped himself. But he can't. Not anymore.
Not after Gon said something like that.
And if the blackened beast inside him purrs in satisfaction as he gets the chance to smear his tainted blood onto Gon in return, then so be it. Gon wanted to distract him. He's distracted, very well. ]
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Killua grips his hand like it's his life raft to reality, clinging to the tenuous connection that keeps the nightmares and the darkness at bay. He stops trying to slam his head into the wall.
He just stares at Gon's face for a long time, breathing fast and loud in the silence between them after Gon repeats those words. Killua clings to them like he clings to Gon's fingers, painful and shaky, hard enough to hurt them both. Tears well in his blackened eyes, making tracks in the dirt and blood smeared across his cheeks. ]
You really are... a selfish idiot...
[ Killua sniffs, then coughs, wracking and wet and making his whole body and Gon's injured arm shake. The echo of the pain glances off his own, a dulled reverb between them. But they're both used to pain. The coughing turns to gasping, which turns then into laughter, thin and weak and disbelieving. It hurts too. His vision swims. ]
You picked a helluva time to blurt something like that.
[ With a yank of Gon's injured arm, Killua suddenly drags him forward, embracing him tightly and burying his filthy face into Gon's hair and fuzzy ear.
He should have known better. He should have stopped himself. But he can't. Not anymore.
Not after Gon said something like that.
And if the blackened beast inside him purrs in satisfaction as he gets the chance to smear his tainted blood onto Gon in return, then so be it. Gon wanted to distract him. He's distracted, very well. ]