return of the (literal) cow boy, who has been temporarily un-cowed

[freecshow]

Who: Gon Freecss + whomever
When: 12/19ish maybe
Where: Probably all through Aefenglom, but not outside of it.
What: Gon is back after having been suddenly gone since early November, and is really confused, because from his perspective, he doesn't even remember leaving! But everything is different...
Warnings: baby gay nonsense for Killua thread, but nothing else really!



[when Gon wakes up, his head feels fuzzy, thrumming and strange. he blinks through the thick of his eyelashes sleepily and slowly a few times, then finally pushes himself up—and before he's postured this way, he's already had some groggy recognition of where he wakes up. he recognizes all of the mirrors, and recognized them from where he'd just been laying, but is deeply puzzled—it makes him feel like he's maybe still in a dream. he's not sure why he's here, instead of back home, cozied up under the thick of his own downy comforters.

he slips off the side of the bed, and observes also that, strangely, he isn't even in his pajamas. he's dressed in his usual attire. even more, this makes Gon wonder if he's actually dreaming... but he feels too present.

it's then that Gon jumps, noticing that his hands are all clean, smooth skin—no sheen of dark, short fur, and his nails are a normal color too. startled, Gon's eyes widen, and he leans forward, sticking out his legs—shocked to find that they're human again, clad in the boots that had long since been discarded in the corner of his closet since he'd developed the lower legs of a young bovine.]

—Huh!? What th—...

[now with renewed urgency, Gon quickly throws the blankets off, and makes for the door. when Gon tries to make his way out, Gon is greeted by Witches, and familiar dialogue rolls—Gon interrupts, piping up that he's been here before, and he knows all that, and that he's confused about what's going on. the Witches merely tell him that's fine, give him his (new) watch, which Gon puzzles at curiously, because it looks different... and he's on his way. noting that he's finally, with some confused trepidation, exits the Coven, Gon actually lets out a sharp little gasp, brows knitting crossly as he abruptly scowls.

it's—cold!

immediately, Gon wonders if there's some kind of magic mishap in the city again, but from everywhere he can see, though... there's snow. Gon suddenly misses the fur on his legs, even if he's more than grateful—if complexed beyond belief—for having human legs again.

Gon makes his way to his home, and then, strangely, notices that... it's occupied. Gon freezes, then lowers himself as he approaches a bit closer (unaware that he's trespassing), and realizes that it's not an intrusion situation. it's a somebody-lives-there situation—which causes Gon to, bewildered, peek around the yard... and he's positive it's his cabin.

Gon stares blankly at the cool cast of snow over where he'd been growing vegetables in the Summer, his mind flatlining, and then turns in a hurry, running in the opposite direction.]



[OOC: HELLO i am back!

if you had CR with Gon and would like to have our characters reunite, and you'd like me to toplevel for you, pls toss me a PP at poisonparfait, or PM this journal! or just throw up your own toplevel with no warning and surprise me, that's great too]

Comments

Killua

[freecshow]

[Gon eventually makes it to Killua's place, winded by the time he gets there—although Gon's usually the type to have to work out at least three times as hard as your average healthy person to be in this state, but his confusion and subtly mounting panic definitely contribute. he isn't scared, exactly, but he's certainly disquieted—he's never even seen snow before, not naturally, and Aefenglom is covered in it. people are in his dwelling, and it looks like they've been there for some time. Gon had awoken in his home clothes, the traditional waxed canvas garments from Whale Island, rather than his pajamas—and he'd for some reason awoken in the Coven, where they'd told him everything he'd heard before, and gave him a new watch, which now hangs haphazardly from his neck. And he'd awoken in the first place without horns, a tail, or hooves.

he's hoping that Killua is still where he should be. it's only as he's urgently slamming the brunt of his fist's side against the door over and over again does Gon realize that trying to use the watch would have been smarter (though he isn't sure if his name would be recognizable? maybe it would, but this just felt safer), but as soon as the thought's in his head, he's just hollering Killua's name anyway, asking if he's home, his breath hanging heavily in the chilly air. hopefully Killua's home, where he should be.

but part of Gon's unease that's pulled him to this door in the first place is the fact that he can no longer feel the bond between him and Killua. that's probably the part out of all this that's actually scary, rather than unsettled.]

[killuwatt]

[ The banging, at first, is extremely annoying. Killua's in the middle of a workout, and assuming it's unexpected mail, someone selling something, or a mistake, he ignores the knocking for a minute.

That is, until the accompanying shouts carry through beyond the door and into his home; even muffled by the walls in between, the voice is familiar. And it makes his heart stop.

By the time Killua's come to his senses, heartbeat stuttering in his throat, he vaguely realizes he's jumped to his feet and sprinted the short way across the cabin. Still shirtless, slightly sweaty despite the relative coolness of the air even indoors, he yanks open the door. The gust of icy wind from outside barely registers.

Killua stares. ]

Gon.

[freecshow]

Killua!!

[Gon leans back, eyes wide.]

People live in my cabin now! I woke up, and I was in the Coven, and I'm a human again, but the Witches didn't detect magic in me, either!

[—Gon pauses, then lowers his head, rubbing his neck.]

Also, it's really cold, suddenly? Can I come in?

[killuwatt]

[ Frankly, Killua isn't really listening. He hasn't gotten to the point where he can actually process what Gon is saying; he's still trying to convince himself that Gon is here, and he's not seeing things or experiencing some sort of awful side effect of being Bondless for a while, like he keeps getting hounded about in classes.

He blinks, mouth half open. Gon is still there when he opens his eyes again. ]

...Gon.

[ he says it again, with more conviction, and not a word to answer Gon's flurry of comments and questions.

And then, without any further warning, Killua reaches out and grabs Gon's wrist to yank him forward, through the doorway and into his arms. ]

[freecshow]

[Gon's a little surprised that he's pulled through like that, and then surprised again that Killua's pulling him into a hug. it's then that Gon realizes, and decides, that Killua's acting strangely too—like he knows something Gon doesn't, to have this kind of reaction, though Gon can't quite tell what that reaction is.

but Gon likes hugs, and doubly so from Killua, so he doesn't shove Killua off and reinstate his questions, or anything—eyeing him nervily through the corner of his eyes, Gon returns the hug warmly, then lets his eyes close. yes, Gon's freaked out, but you can always take a second to just appreciate a good hug. so he'll do that, palms warmly cupping the damp bareness of Killua's scapula.

and once he does, Gon leans back, holding onto the tops of Killua's arms.]

What's going on? Did something bad happen...? Or something?

I noticed I couldn't feel our Bond anymore, on top of everything...so I got really worried.

[killuwatt]

[ Gon loves hugs and physical affection, but he knows it doesn't come as naturally to Killua. Killua's rarely initiated a hug, and even more rarely for so long. Or so tightly. He crushes Gon close, feeling his warmth, the firm resistance of his solid form. Tears well up, hot and stinging, and Killua doesn't want to let go -- so Gon won't see them, or so Gon won't disappear again, or both.

It isn't until Gon actually tries to pull away that Killua reluctantly relents, blinking fast. The evidence clings to his lashes. ]

Y-you're asking me?

[ Killua stammers finally with disbelief. Now that Gon looks more closely he might be able to tell that Killua doesn't look... good. It's subtle (he's always been pale, after all, and it is winter), but his skin color seems more ashen than usual, sleepless nights leaving a faint tint of shadows around his eyes. He's warm too, warmer than he should be (but maybe it's because he was working out). Most of all, he seems distracted, like he's having trouble understanding what Gon is saying. He's still stuck on the why. ]

You were gone.

[ Killua's hands grip Gon's arms in turn, the undersides of his forearms in an almost-mirror of how Gon's hands rest on his. It's not a rough grip, certainly not painful, but it's somehow still intense.

His breathing stutters, shoulders trembling as if under a great strain. ]

One moment I could feel you, just like always, somewhere out in the city. I could feel you through the Bond. I couldn't even tell how much of a difference it made, u-until it just suddenly-- stopped. I could feel you, and then I couldn't and you were just... gone.

[freecshow]

[Gon's more surprised by the sight of Killua's tears than the forcefulness of his flush, careful hug—such that Gon blinks, wildered, startled and worried all at once.

when he feels Killua's shoulders tremble, Gon wonders if it's at first for the cold—distracted in their emotional whimsies as usual, the door is still wide open. but Gon realizes quickly, following Killua's explanation, it isn't that at all.]

—Gone?

[Gon's eyes search all over Killua's face, noticing how his hair seems dry, lacking its typical sheen, and his skin is dull, similarly catching little to no light compared to its usual healthy palor. the dark circles are subtle, but look like bruises.

Gon had vanished, and Killua looked ill for it. Gon knows, of course, of the emotional impact that might have—he's not so stupid so as to not know that Killua would be devastated if Gon suddenly disappeard—but he thinks that Killua is legitimately sick.]

What do you mean?! For how long?

[Gon feels like he's heard of it before... of course, people left, and Gon thinks he may have hard that people have returned, but he isn't sure if he's misremembering. but while Gon might be a bit slow, he actually isn't the type to misremember; his memory is near photographic in its detailing.

Gon's voice softens, a little watery on the edges, looking worried.]

Killua...

[Gon doesn't know what to say. he can hardly tell Killua he looks like shit, even though he does. but saying with his sympathy that Killua's been suffering doesn't feel right, either...]

[killuwatt]

What do you mean, what do I mean? What else could I mean?

[ Killua's voice rises in pitch and volume, catching at the edges breathlessly; his throat is so tight from wanting to cry, the words sound thin and strained, nearing hysteria. ]

You disappeared!

[ Of course, Killua knows it wasn't Gon's fault. There's no way it was his choice. But that doesn't mean it had hurt any less to realize how alone he was, to be trapped here all by himself without Gon, without his sister, without any way back and no one who even had an inkling of how to help him. He hadn't even had proof Gon had really gone home.

This time, he can't hold back the tears, although he tries. He keeps embarrassing himself, showing all his stupid weakness in front of Gon, but every time he blinks, his vision only blurs more. ]

I--

[ Too long, no matter what, but Killua has to stop and think about it for a moment. Having something concrete to concentrate on somehow seems to help, at least, to calm him slightly before he can spiral. He counts. ]

...almost two months. A-about seven weeks.

[ Said out loud, it doesn't seem that long. But it felt awful, every day. ]

[freecshow]

[Gon feels his heart clench and twist in agony to see Killua this way, unused to seeing him this upset—he wasn't even this upset when they'd shared that awful nightmare, and he'd even cried then.]

...Seven weeks...

[Gon thinks that's a long time, on the other hand. every week in Aefenglom had been so significant, especially initially, when every day brought some new, weird and hellish pain in physical transformation... and every day, he and Killua had somehow managed to get a little closer... and then Gon disappeared. of course that would hurt. even back home, on Whale Island, where they were still in the same world, Gon cried for at least a couple of months to himself when he was finally without Killua. he was so lonely, it felt like a wound, more than that, like a missing piece.

Gon's hands move to brush their palms across Killua's face, brushing away his tears with his thumbs, expression deeply remorseful—though Gon too understands it's out of his control. he doesn't feel he's done this to Killua directly, but he feels awful regardless that Killua's had to experience that. Gon's positive he wouldn't handle the reverse any better.]

I...don't know what happened... I'm sorry that happened to you. I was supposed to be here for you. But... I'm here now.

[killuwatt]

[ I'm here now.

Those words ease his pain and fear more than anything else-- and, of course, the truth of them plainly in front of him. Gon really is here.

Killua's not selfless enough not to be happy about it, even if it means Gon could have gone home. He's not allowed to, not without him. ]

Gon...

[ Killua moves closer again, pulling him once more into his arms and burying his face in the side of Gon's neck, taking in his familiar scent and warmth. They're still standing the doorway, and he hasn't even noticed. ]

I thought... I thought I'd lost you. I thought I'd be stuck here alone for who knows how long, and I didn't know what had happened to you, and--

Don't leave again.

[ Even if it's not something Gon can really promise, he doesn't care. Gon promises inane things all the time, and somehow makes them work. Killua squeezes harder, breath shaky. ]

...please.

[freecshow]

[Gon's heart thuds heavily when Gon's pulled forward into another tight hug, unaccustomed to the way Killua burrows against him—but he forces himself to overcome his surprise, and doesn't delay in returning Killua's embrace, mirroring the gesture somewhat as he leans his head into Killua.

Gon knows that's something he can't promise—it wasn't his choice to leave, in the first place. but Gon can mean it in other ways, and keep his word. he thinks. he's currently thinking, anyway.]

I won't. I hate to see you so sad, Killua... I don't want you to feel like that again.

I've never wanted to leave your side, you know.

[Gon doesn't just mean now—he means back then, too. and Gon did it, because it was appropriate, and it ended up being good for the both of them... but his implication is that it's an easy promise.]

[killuwatt]

I- I know...

[ Killua knows just as well as Gon does that the promise is made on a tenuous basis at best, at least when it comes to the rules of this world. Neither of them can control that, but it soothes his fears a little anyway.

He squeezes tight, reluctant to let go, and whispers his secret into the side of Gon's neck in return. ]

I know, Gon... I never wanted to either.

[ Maybe it's because he's half delirious with joy and the effects of his magic being so messed up right now, but even though he knows exactly what he's implying, it isn't difficult to say. He doesn't want to regret not telling Gon how he feels anymore.

...maybe not so straightforwardly as he would like, but now, it feels more urgent to at least try to work up to it. ]

[freecshow]

[Gon feels two things. first, a funny hiccup in his heart for the closeness of Killua's words, feeling the unconsidered, tetchy brush of Killua's lips, giving him a little shudder for reasons other than the cold. without his faun changes, this is thankfully brief and of no consequence (Gon's missed this feeling). then he feels the slight reflex to ask Killua a surprised little 'really?', since it had been Killua's choice—and he'd finally found something that made sense to him, and it was fine that it wasn't Gon. but of course, Gon knows now that it was more like Killua had found something, yes, but also, even if he wanted to stick close, things weren't fitting or making sense. he'd made the right choice, even if he didn't want to. Gon more or less understands that, but there's a part of him that feels validated to hear it.]

Mm... [is all that ends up being Gon's response, content and tucked against Killua as stand this way together, entangled.

funnily enough, Gon similarly feels the very same urge to speak on his feelings—only because it feels appropriate, the two of them holding each other; earnestly expressing their need for one another; Killua trusting Gon to soothe him...

Gon squeezes Killua, and his eyes roll in his friend's direction as he finally peeks out from his hiding, though he's too close to lock eyes properly.]

Killua, I'm gonna make sure you're happy and healthy from now on, okay?

[killuwatt]

[ At that, Killua lets out a little huff, a very tiny almost-laugh, just a hint of his old self starting to return.

With Gon so close, he gets the urge to close the distance-- in a different way, this time, and before he can quite control himself amidst the shock of stress of everything, he starts to lean in. Their noses brush, for just a moment, before he suddenly catches himself and diverts the movement instead by reaching up with one hand to ruffle Gon's hair and distract from the fact he has to force himself to pull away. ]

"Make sure," huh? You always did just set your mind to stuff...

Okay. If you say so, I believe you.

[ Even if they both know he can't make a promise like that. ]

[freecshow]

[Gon's completely thrown off guard for a moment there, and he blinks like he's been socked upside his head, wondering if he imagined that—for a moment, his heart was racing, stomach clenching, breath caught in his throat, because their noses touch, and Gon can feel Killua's breath on his face—and then... Killua is ruffling his hair. has Gon's wishful thinking gotten so bad that he's straight up just suffering from delusions now, or something?!

Gon's not totally sure he's heard Killua's response, at least not at first—it's definitely delayed, and Gon just stares at Killua, bewildered and dumb with his face all red.

Gon tries to say something, just because he feels like he should, but realizes he doesn't have any thoughts, so he has no words. what happens instead of something to say is a glottal stop, and Gon's glad, so glad he isn't a faun at the moment.]

Y.

Yeah...

[killuwatt]

[ In need of a distraction to calm his own racing heart, Killua finally remembers the door is open. He steps aside grudgingly, reaching past Gon to grab the door and ushering him all the way inside with the edge of it. ]

The cold's getting in. Come on.

[ He's spent so long missing Gon desperately, and suddenly having him back... Killua doesn't really know what to do. He wants to reach for him again, but doesn't want to be weird, either. So he hovers, a bit awkwardly, nearby. ]

What... what happened, when you were gone? You made it sound like you didn't even notice...

[freecshow]

[Gon's brain is still stuck on parsing the sensation and reality of Killua's nose brushing across his like that—a nuzzling of the noses, like a kunik... Gon had almost thought for a wild, time-stopped second that Killua was actually going to kiss him, coming in so suddenly and with such deliberation, and with the bumping of their noses...

and Gon's not disappointed, either, per se, that it wasn't that—first of all, of course it wasn't—why would Killua do that? but as a counterpoint, why would Killua give him that kind of kiss in the first place? a kiss is a kiss is a kiss and that was a kiss of sorts, though less overtly... um, adult, maybe. why had Killua done that? was that on the table now? like how they sometimes made flimsy reasons to (gradually less) awkwardly tangle their limbs and share a bed? is that a thing they can do now? allowed? or was that a one time thing?

Gon's mind is racing, trying to comprehend it—

and Killua's saying something, moving again, and Gon distractedly yanks his gaze to his friend, having not really absorbed his words, eyes still wide and face red. oh. the door. he's closed the door. right. cold. actually, Gon only now notices that without being pulled close to Killua's body as before, he's actually shivering a little, and he's awkwardly tense.]

Oh, u-um.

[Gon tries to push his mind in that direction with all his might—he's at least heard and understood Killua, but he's having trouble putting words together in his own head. Gon definitely looks close to having his ears steaming...]

I, uh, honestly— [Gon shakes his head to snap himself out of it (or try to), and he rubs the back of his neck.] It's weird, I don't...really remember anything at all. My last memory here is a liiiittle bit fuzzy, but I don't remember anything about going back home, either...

[god. his heart is still racing, hammering against his ribs rancorously; Gon's hands subconsciously snag at the fabric of his shirt over his chest, unable to shake the memory of Killua's soft skin; what Gon might feel if it had been something else...

Killua's just missed him. it's not like that. calm down, Gon tells himself.]

[killuwatt]

That's so weird...

[ And it won't help answer any of his questions about what things were like, or if he'd gone through the mirror again, or any of that. Maybe it doesn't matter though. Even if it is concerning that Gon seems to have just... vanished and come back, like going to sleep and waking up two months later. The thought is disconcerting, but right now, they don't have answers.

All that matters is Gon is here.

Killua keeps looking over at him when he thinks Gon won't notice, eyes drifting toward him even as he tries to move away... and only ends up drifting back into his proximity, hands itching to reach out. He takes a breath, but the cold still lingers, and his nose isn't as good as Gon's. ]

C'mon... [ Killua offers, herding him toward the living room. ]

Let's sit and talk.

[ Now that he's more aware of it because of Gon's presence, Killua realizes what a mess his place is. Well... it's not like he's about to start cleaning right now. ]

[freecshow]

[Gon peripherally notices Killua’s distracted inability to fully keep his eyes off of him, but of course, it doesn’t bother Gon one bit—and if anything, Gon understands. if Killua had suddenly vanished for nearly two months, Gon would probably cling to him for at least a full day, nevermind something as simple as passive staring.

of course, Gon also feels hyper-sensitive to Killua’s presence for more than a few reasons; for one, there’s Gon’s fond-natured fixation on his friend, and for another, there’s his spinning, whizzing nerves from the surprise close contact, and for yet another, there’s Gon’s concern for Killua’s clearly sorry state. said state is further emphasized by the state of his house, which Gon doesn’t comment on—but his lingering, minutely concerned gaze hangs on a few messy corners as he makes note to tidy up once Killua eventually knocks out for some rest. and then, to see if Killua has something like tea for Gon to make for him, and then, to see if there’s anything around that Gon can cook...

but—ah. for now, sitting and talking. Gon nods, following Killua’s lead as he’s taken towards the couch, and Gon tosses himself backwards butt-first with a little bounce on his on the cushion. Gon’s eyes stick to Killua after that, watching as his friend settles as well.]

Anything you wanna talk about specifically, Killua?

[Gon is currently repressing the urge to have this conversation while draped physically across or on top of Killua, wanting to act as a chatty blanket. mostly because Killua’s distress is evoking that sort of natural response in Gon, since their physical barriers have thinned between them somewhat (and Gon’s an affectionate lad anyhow when circumstance allows), but also a little bit because he just finds himself craving that sort of thing these days.]

[killuwatt]

[ It's just as difficult for Killua to keep his hands off of him, desperate for the touch, the closeness, the physical proof beneath his fingers in Gon's warmth and presence. And he also deeply misses the comfort that came with the feeling of their Bond, always grounding but so much clearer when they're close to one another like this.

It's missing, now. It makes him feel anxious and illogically confused; his mind understands why that is, but the feeling is inherently wrong now, somehow, like being able to see a flower right in front of his face but completely unable to smell it. Something missing, off.

His mouth feels dry, the persistent headache making itself known again after the main distraction of Gon's shocking reappearance has faded somewhat. Killua's fingers clench against his knees unconsciously, his posture tight and tense. ]

Oh. No, I just meant--

[ what had he meant?

Killua scoots closer when Gon settles, unable to help himself, and equally unable to reach out the rest of the way. ]

...nah, I just meant like we were talking, but instead of by the door, you could be more comfortable or whatever. But I guess you really can't tell me about what happened with you. If you don't remember anything.

[freecshow]

Oh!

[Gon understands immediately, even if Killua hadn't really had anything so precise in mind, and his posture straightens when Killua scoots closer, wide eyes finding Killua at their corners.]

Yeah... [Gon agrees, then gives into his token hard-to-reign hubris and tips sideways, bumping his temple against Killua's as he also scoots closer, peering upwards at his friend in his maintained, sideways peek.]

But we can talk about what happened with you, and what we should do now.

[Gon feels similarly, too—of course, contact is always a comfort, especially with Killua—but he too is sore in want for the sensations that came with the Bond. and, too, maybe some of its more precious implications... even though Gon knew that a Bond wasn't necessarily a special thing in and of itself. two strangers could form a Bond. but the nature of theirs is special, and Gon knows it, because he knows that he and Killua find each other uniquely special.

normal best friend stuff. maybe. probably. Gon is also aware that he doesn't really have much of a clue about whether or not that's true, but all the same, remains certain in his own feelings.]

Like, we should definitely re-establish our Bond as soon as possible again... Especially since your health looks like it's gotten a little bad. Even though you didn't know I was coming back, all that time, you...

[Gon's eyes drop, and though the gesture is sheepish, it's inspired by a certain boldness that Gon just goes ahead and closes his hand over the top of Killua's, where it's all tense and taut atop his knee.]

...really didn't just get another one?

[Killua actually hasn't implied as much; Gon just knows Killua well enough to assume that he probably hasn't, and his health shows it. especially given that Killua had clearly been working up a sweat prior to answering the door, which they stood in front of, cold air stinging through Killua's home, the fact that he's so warm to the touch feels like another indicator—not a for sure one, but enough to make Gon feel suspicious.]

Bonds are easy to get, even temporary ones.

[killuwatt]

[ Even though it was exactly what he'd wanted, Gon's sudden closeness still manages to be a little bit of a shock. Killua stiffens briefly in surprise, eyes widening, though Gon's position likely means he can't quite see his expression or the blush that creeps along his cheeks. It can be confused for a fever flush, perhaps, especially with the heavy warmth of his body.

But then, Killua relaxes; he doesn't move away. Turning his head to the side slightly so the sides of their heads are touching but he doesn't have to look Gon in the eyes, Killua looks down instead, watching Gon's fingers creep closer, hesitate shyly for just a fraction of a moment before closing around his hand.

Maybe it's a good thing the Bond has lapsed. Gon won't feel the swell of emotion threatening to overwhelm Killua from the inside, the way his chest feels like it's going to burst, the anxious jolt of confused desire, happiness and fear that surges through his blood. His heart beats frantically, but Gon's words remain clear past the thunderous pounding of his pulse in his temples. ]

I didn't want another one.

[ He hears himself answer just as clearly, forming each word slowly and with certainty. ]

I want you, Gon.

[ His free hand moves, and the one beneath Gon's turns, and he squeezes Gon's fingers suddenly between his two palms like a prayer. ]

It couldn't have been anyone but you.

[freecshow]

[Gon's eyes widen and his gaze loses its focus, falling somewhere kind of miscellaneous as his ears ring and burn pink at their tips, the brickish hue of his blush on his cheeks. his heart thuds heavily at Killua's words, and he feels butterflies flutter in his stomach, and Gon instinctively feels torn—he gets the reflex immediately that he's just being stupid, and that his gut isn't wrong about some measure of sincerity in Killua's words... which, you know, remain ultimately indiscernible due to said stupidity. it's...something. not just Gon being stupid. he thinks?

Gon's gaze lifts when Killua encloses his hands over Killua's, and his posture straightens just enough to look at Killua, looking bewildered—not in any measure of incredulity, but maybe with some demeanor of awe. Gon blinks, mouth suddenly feeling weirdly dry, just like any words would have been if Gon's brain weren't so gobsmacked to form any in the first place.

it's probably mostly just... interesting word choice. hasn't Gon said things like this since Killua? when they were 12 or 13, even?

but then again, Gon's sort of shaped new context around his feelings back then.

jeez. okay. stop.]

But...

[that's right, focus!! Gon frowns a little, posture deflating as he rests his other hand on top of...Killua's other hand. now it's straight up just a hand-stack, and it's silly.]

That's dangerous. That could have killed you! I don't want you to not Bond with someone if you start getting this way...

[Gon can hear his own pulse. he swallows, then laughs sheepishly, shoulders hiking.]

...and I mean that, but... I can't say that even though I know it's wrong, I...feel a little happy to hear you say that.

[killuwatt]

[ Maybe it does look silly, but Killua doesn't mind. Even without the Bond, their hands clasped together like this seems to soothe and calm something inside him-- which is strange, because he also feels like his heart is trying to burst out of his throat.

Gon's little laugh sends a relieved tingle through him. Killua discounts the admonishment completely. ]

It's fine. And it doesn't matter anymore, anyway.

You're here.

[ It's selfish, but he won't apologize for being happy that Gon is back. In a way, Killua actually feels less guilty knowing that whatever had happened to Gon, he hadn't really been home free, either. He hadn't abandoned Killua and gone back without him, willingly or not. Now, he's back and not gone and they can find a way home together, for real this time. ]

[freecshow]

Killua...

[Gon's voice has a whining, nagging quality to it, its tone nagging—but Gon is of course happy too. the idea of Killua feeling displaced, letting himself just be consumed by life-threatening magical pressure and loneliness, makes Gon feel too terrible to bear. it's not like back home, where Gon doesn't worry about that, because Killua has someone he loves so much by his side. but here, even though Killua's made friends... Gon knows how Killua is. he's not all that easy to understand, and Gon's observed that connecting to Killua is a little bit difficult for others—true to Killua's initial statement when they'd first met, to a degree—enough to baffle Gon, certainly. Killua is his second language, and he can't imagine meeting Killua in another life, another circumstance, whatever—where he wouldn't want to get to know him as deeply as possible as immediately as possible.

puffing his cheek, Gon leans heavily against Killua, pushing him with his bodyweight, still holding his cranky expression—and Killua's hand.]

How are you the most responsible and irresponsible person I've ever met at the same time?!