( the pounding of his heart in his chest feels so loud, must be so loud, that aziraphale cannot help but worry that both the witch and crowley can hear the deafening sound of it. that they can hear all of his nervousness, his anxiety, and the weird excited elation that seems to be bubbling within him.
he feels a little manic.
is it normal to feel this way? he wonders, he wonders. it's just that it's a little difficult to hear talk of meaningful deep connections and finding home in another person and know it is being said in relation to crowley . . . because he knows that he wants it. he wants all of those things to the point of aching and he feels it so strongly in this moment that it's overwhelming. it's a little cruel as well because this feels like something, but not enough of that same something.
close, but still so far.
he lets out a shaky breath, trying not to read into the way that crowley still struggles beside him. this was his idea, his suggestion, and aziraphale was going to get the familiars if not for him, and now this is happening—
the thought is broken by the attendant turning her attention onto him, looking at him expectantly. it's only by some miracle that he had been still listening well enough to know what is being asked of him. )
I may cause you pain, Crowley, but that is not my intention. I will try to share your pain and ease it when I can.
( aziraphale repeats, surprisingly steady sounding. almost a little determined even. )
no subject
he feels a little manic.
is it normal to feel this way? he wonders, he wonders. it's just that it's a little difficult to hear talk of meaningful deep connections and finding home in another person and know it is being said in relation to crowley . . . because he knows that he wants it. he wants all of those things to the point of aching and he feels it so strongly in this moment that it's overwhelming. it's a little cruel as well because this feels like something, but not enough of that same something.
close, but still so far.
he lets out a shaky breath, trying not to read into the way that crowley still struggles beside him. this was his idea, his suggestion, and aziraphale was going to get the familiars if not for him, and now this is happening—
the thought is broken by the attendant turning her attention onto him, looking at him expectantly. it's only by some miracle that he had been still listening well enough to know what is being asked of him. )
I may cause you pain, Crowley, but that is not my intention. I will try to share your pain and ease it when I can.
( aziraphale repeats, surprisingly steady sounding. almost a little determined even. )