( it's not the pressure of crowley's fingers around his that helps ease some of the tension laced tightly in aziraphale's bones, but the simple statements he makes about wanting to remain together. don't push me away, he says despite the obvious wound on his shoulder from earlier. both of them knew that it wasn't impossible for it to happen again, that he might very well bite crowley again or perhaps worse and yet still.

still crowley has the nerve to say things like this.

one of his ear flicks as aziraphale tries to find the words to answer him. )

I—

( he begins, quickly growing quiet again. his grip on crowley's hand tightens a little further, nearly clutching at him. )

Yes. I do want you here. I do, Crowley. I would rather us be together and remain together. I have always thought it a blessing that we have at least been able to live together here.

( he means that. he has failed to say as much, but he has truly been grateful for the opportunity to be as close to crowley as he has been lately. it's been a nice experience to live in the same home, to know that they'd return to the same place each night, and to be able to so generously spend time together.

the catch, of course, is that he is becoming a monster. it scares aziraphale, especially now when he's already crossed a line.

he reaches out with his other hand, placing his palm against the minute curve of crowley's shoulder. )

I just don't want to hurt you any further.

( he can't live with it. )