[Not even because he idolized him as a child. If anything, actually being around him made that fanboyism go to where it should've gone, Somewhere close, but closed. A little space inside his head for being young and stupid. Locked. Never to be opened again.]
Never thought I could hate what he became more than what I did back then, before this world. But I do.
[And it's also sad. He'd overlooked how sad it was, back then. Mostly because of his anger. Kadaj's hand moving against his cheekbone does makes him move it away, but the response isn't anything dissimilar to what anyone else would get for it. Even those he loved.]
Wrong. Again. I'm not doing this because you were made from some part of him. Doesn't matter where you came from. I'm doing it because you've got a chance, here, to be something else. If I didn't think you did, I wouldn't give a shit whether you blew up or not.
[He listens to Kadaj talk then, shaking his head.]
You don't get it. You're talking about something I haven't done. It's years ahead of my time. After Meteor, after he came back. I'm not the same person that's in your memories. Same way he's not the same as the one I hate.
[An exhale. A personal memory, something which... kept him going. For a long time, after he did something unthinkable.. He's hesitant about disclosing it. Very much so. ...But he does.]
Someone important told me once, that you're not alone.
['Yo, think about it. How many people in the world do ya think really understand themselves?']
There's people all over, and they don't know what's going on with them, either. Regular people. That feel. What you're feeling isn't just you.
['They go on living. They don't run away. That's just how it is.']
Feels like it is, but it isn't. And they keep going. So you can, too. Even if it's painful.
...Look. When we get to the coven, they're going to give you something that'll make this feeling go away. Then you need to get rid of your magic. I'll take you outside the city, and you can get rid of it all. After that, it's up to you. You can try and go on. Make something for yourself that isn't Sephiroth, and isn't Jenova. Because they don't have a hold on you here.
...Or, you can blow up. It's your choice, and I'm not gonna make it for you.
no subject
[Not even because he idolized him as a child. If anything, actually being around him made that fanboyism go to where it should've gone, Somewhere close, but closed. A little space inside his head for being young and stupid. Locked. Never to be opened again.]
Never thought I could hate what he became more than what I did back then, before this world. But I do.
[And it's also sad. He'd overlooked how sad it was, back then. Mostly because of his anger. Kadaj's hand moving against his cheekbone does makes him move it away, but the response isn't anything dissimilar to what anyone else would get for it. Even those he loved.]
Wrong. Again. I'm not doing this because you were made from some part of him. Doesn't matter where you came from. I'm doing it because you've got a chance, here, to be something else. If I didn't think you did, I wouldn't give a shit whether you blew up or not.
[He listens to Kadaj talk then, shaking his head.]
You don't get it. You're talking about something I haven't done. It's years ahead of my time. After Meteor, after he came back. I'm not the same person that's in your memories. Same way he's not the same as the one I hate.
[An exhale. A personal memory, something which... kept him going. For a long time, after he did something unthinkable.. He's hesitant about disclosing it. Very much so.
...But he does.]
Someone important told me once, that you're not alone.
['Yo, think about it. How many people in the world do ya think really understand themselves?']
There's people all over, and they don't know what's going on with them, either. Regular people. That feel. What you're feeling isn't just you.
['They go on living. They don't run away. That's just how it is.']
Feels like it is, but it isn't. And they keep going. So you can, too. Even if it's painful.
...Look. When we get to the coven, they're going to give you something that'll make this feeling go away. Then you need to get rid of your magic. I'll take you outside the city, and you can get rid of it all. After that, it's up to you. You can try and go on. Make something for yourself that isn't Sephiroth, and isn't Jenova. Because they don't have a hold on you here.
...Or, you can blow up. It's your choice, and I'm not gonna make it for you.